SPEAKER_03 0:00

Have you ever been heartbroken before?

SPEAKER_00 0:01

I think um, yeah. I like I've been in relationships that have hurt, that have really sucked. Like people have done some really awful things that were blindsiding and painful to work through, but also again, like grief. I mean, I don't have a relationship with my parents, and that still hurts, you know? Like every Mother's Day, every father's day, it's weird. It hurts. Like their birthdays come by, it's it's painful. Like, you know, to see other people, for example, like if they're in a happy relationship and you want a relationship or they have a great relationship with their family, and you know, you really want that, but I don't have that. So, like that hurts, and then of course, like just the complete devastation that comes with actually like losing somebody that you loved so deeply.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Today's guest is Riley Grouper, one of the first women to lead in the United States Army Infantry, a captain who commanded soldiers, taught future officers, and served nearly eight years in the uniform. While Riley was still in command, the person who raised her, her grandmother, passed away. The mission consumed the space where that grief should have lived. After the uniform came off, the rank went with it. The structure went with it. Riley was standing in a life that had to be built from scratch. The corporate world came next. Program management in aerospace. That chapter was short. Riley transitioned from that to doctors diagnosed PTSD. They said it would get worse. Riley looked at that diagnosis and said, that is not the end of my story. In October 2025, Riley founded Riley Avellino LLC and launched The Standard, a human performance framework built on three pillars mind, body, and mission. Today, this woman works with veterans, executives, and founders who are rebuilding from the inside out. People do not rise to the occasion, they fall to their standards. Today we are talking about overcoming adversity. Welcome Riley Group to the Memories to Millions Podcast. We choose to be busy or bored.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Which which one you choose to be, you know?

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Always busy.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

It's a choice. It's a choice. It's a choice. Some people like, I got I got money and I got time. And I'm bored. How how is that possible?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yeah, what is bored? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

That's like a lack of imagination. You got you got everything you need and you're still bored. How are you doing today? Let me ask that question.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Good. Good. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Man, I'm doing great. Uh I we just got the the hit of the the northern warmth.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Oh, yay!

SPEAKER_03 3:02

And I'm like, man, I've I've been waiting on this heat because I like when it's hot. I don't know if you like when it's hot, but I like when it's hot.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Oh yes. I'm in Southern California. Absolutely. I'm a reptile. But I'm glad you're getting some sun. It's it's warm here too. It's warmer. 80s, I think, this week. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

A reptile. I never heard that one before.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Listen, I that is the conclusion I've come to. I was in Colorado recently and it was cold. I'm like, I can't handle this anymore. Like, I need sun.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. So you're ready for this conversation?

SPEAKER_00 3:38

I am ready when you are, sir.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Well, if you wasn't here, you wouldn't be ready. So if you're here, that means you're ready.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

There we go.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm gonna open up with just uh like a I have a little script for the opening. So just get the get the thing set up and then from there we just gonna chat. Cool. Alrighty, let me get my script. Oh today I'm in conversation with another veteran like myself, Riley Grouper. Our theme today is overcoming adversity. If you're watching this right now, you are probably in one of two places. You're either going through adversity or you have already overcome some. Either way, this conversation is for you. Riley and I are going to share what adversity has looked like in our own corner of the universe. We would love for you to sit with us, listen in, and bring your own thoughts to it. I want to open with an analogy I learned from Roy Sutherland. He used it in one of his talks, and the moment I heard it, I knew it belonged in a conversation like this one. It is called a pacometer. I'm gonna share with you what that pacometer looked like so you can kind of see it and just kind of share your thoughts on that once I finish here. What the paysometer looks like. I thought it was something interesting to look at, but I'm gonna put it on screen here real quick too. Um but but a regular speedometer uh measures speed, miles per hour, how fast you're going. A pacometer flips the question, it measures time per distance, minutes per 10 miles, how long it actually takes you to get there. Here's what the match shows. Once you are already moving, going faster than once you're once you are already moving, going faster barely saves time. Going from 20 miles per hour to 30 miles per hour saves you 10 minutes per 10 miles. Going from 70 miles per hour to 80 miles per hour saves you about 1 minute per 10 miles. You think you are gaining ground, you are burning energy for nothing. Adversity works the same way. We think the answer is to speed up, push through, hit the gas, the right pace at the right time is what helps you actually arrive. So, for question for you, Riley, as we open up this uh conversation. When you see this pacometer and you think about how you move through your own life, what comes to mind for you right now?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I'm probably getting a speeding ticket. Um and then and then the engine breaks and then I can't go anywhere for a day or two. So yeah, that's probably an accurate description.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

Getting a speeding ticket. So let me so let me ask you this. Have you been in a car accident before?

SPEAKER_00 6:23

I haven't, thank God. I mean, like maybe a minor, like literally scratching the paint off of another car, but nothing, nothing major, thank God.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Nothing major. Uh let me let me okay. So what about on a bicycle? I have you a ride, can you ride a bicycle?

SPEAKER_00 6:40

I can ride a bicycle.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Oh, yeah? Nice, nice, nice. You do like mountain biking, road biking. What what what are you what are your expertise in?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Nothing really. I mean, other than childhood, um how to I had a like a it wasn't motorized, but like a dirt bike or a mountain bike. Um but yeah, it's not I mean what I do now with bicycles, stationary, cycle class, kind of like Soul Cycle. Um, but that's about it. So no biking accidents, nothing like that. Thank God.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Oh, you you're very fortunate, by the way. Because I remember when I when I grew up, I grew up in Jamaica, and I remember the first the first time I started riding a bicycle. And man, I was so happy because like like my parents couldn't afford a bicycle, but my friends had a bicycle, so then I would start learning to ride, and then after a while, because Jamaica has a lot of hills too, so that means you be flying down here and then you hit the corner and you go around there's a car and you're like all the like you gotta take it off, you know, off to off the road, some of that stuff. But I had a lot of accident growing up as a kid. I don't know if you have a lot of accident growing up as a kid or not, but I did.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Not that I can remember, but oh my goodness, why were you just prone, prone to accidents or uh I mean it's uh it's uh because I like the adrenaline.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

So this is something I learned about myself. It's later in life, but I I learned that when things are chaotic, my brain slows down, my mind slowed down. So when we thought we were we opened the conversation about boredom, when I'm bored, my mind runs. So I need a challenge or I need to be in chaos, I need some kind of adversity for me to slow my mind down, for me to think more clearly. So you might notice the other people, some people just like they like the chaos because they got this speed, the the storm in their mind, it slows down when they can focus on something specific because it's challenging. I don't know if you had that feeling on that before.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I I feel like I thrive in chaos, but I attribute that to I don't know, my military service and upbringing. So maybe that's why, maybe not, but yeah, if it's chaos, let's go. Let's uh let's uh make some organized chaos. But yeah, I I tend to not that I like it, uh especially personally, like a personally chaotic life, no thank you. But when things are moving quickly in a high pressure environment, let's say business, for example, I like that. I don't like it when things move slow.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

Well, tell me your thoughts on this question. What is the hardest thing you have ever done, physically, mentally, or psychologically?

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Wow. You know, I've thought about this a lot. And a couple a couple situations come to mind. I think I have two examples because I I I do think about this often. Like, especially there was something, okay, maybe this sounds cheesy, but at one point I was really inspired by David Goggins and I read his book, and there was a line in there that really stuck with me because he's done some hard shit, like he has lived a hard life. Um, and there was something in there he says to the effect of like, don't forget the cookies in your cookie jar. So when you're doubting yourself and you're fearful, it's like don't forget what you like what you've already overcome, what you've already accomplished in your life. And so I think back on that when I'm having a moment of doubt or fear. And like, wait a second, I've done some hard stuff. Like, this is okay, it's gonna be fine. Um, but I think for me, physically, I want to say my military training, um but even that, I don't know. I I don't know. I mean, I guess maybe physically that was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Um maybe the rugging for miles and being in the woods and kind of surviving in that way for a week and then going back and doing it the next week or whatever, just doing that for a long period of time. I think that can be pretty physically demanding. Um emotionally, mentally, psychologically, I think um losing someone that means something like a very deep personal relationship and losing that person unexpectedly, that was really tough. But then also forget like all the physical stuff, forget like you know, I was in combat sports, like I did powerlifting, like all these really physically demanding, like cross-country. That's hard too, physically. But it's like going through therapy and actually taking the time to self-reflect and have that awareness of like connecting the dots. Oh, I'm acting this way because of what happened to me in this situation or similar, and then making a conscious effort to undo that and rewire your brain, it takes time and it's painful. I would say the the self-like inner work that I've done coupled with grief is uh probably more challenging than anything physically that I've ever done.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

As you as you're sharing that, what pops to my mind right now was heartbreak. Have you ever been a heartbroken before? Or maybe I like what was the maybe a heartbreak that was so hard for you that it was so hard to rebound from? Like have you have you what comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Yeah, like in the in the romantic sense or like whichever whichever you feel comfortable sharing.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

That would have the most impact.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

I think um there's heartbreak with romantic relationships, of course. Like that's why everybody's afraid for the most part of being vulnerable. And you know, you don't the fear of getting hurt of heartbreak. Um those hurt. Uh it hurts building a connection with somebody like that and willingly. And and I say that because, for example, your family members, like your parents, most of us build a bond with them, and it's kind of like not willingly because we're children and we're already bonded with them, already bonded with our biological mothers through birth. But I think um, yeah, I like I've been in relationships that have hurt that have really sucked. Like people have done some really awful things that were blindsiding um and painful to work through. But also, again, like grief. I mean, I don't have a relationship with my parents, and that still hurts, you know. Like every Mother's Day, every father's day, it's weird. It hurts. Like their birthdays come by, it's it's painful. Like, you know, to see other people, for example, like if they're in a happy relationship and you want a relationship or they have a great relationship with their family, and you know, you really want that, but I don't have that. So like that hurts. And then of course, like just the complete devastation that comes with actually like losing somebody that you loved so deeply. In this case, for me, it was like a parental figure, my grandmother, and losing her unexpectedly. I'm not over that, and I don't think I ever will be, you know, because that's how grief works. It's a testament to the love that was and still is.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

So I mean, our theme, our theme of this conversation is overcoming adversity. And sometimes when people when people think about adversity, they oftentimes think about the external piece of it, like a like an obstacle or challenge in front of them, something physical. But some of the hardest one to overcome is the internal one, like a heartbreak. A heartbreak is like I wouldn't wish that on one because the heartbreak is like the worst feeling.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:45

That one hit deep. And to overcome something like that, because I mean heartbreak happens in different, I guess, different ways. You can think about a heartbreak. But the heart feels a certain kind of pain, and it's very hard to escape that because it doesn't matter where you run, it's with you. Like you can't run far from it. No matter how far you go, it's you still smell like it, right? It's it's it follows you. So it's it's sometimes it's a challenging to overcome that. And and it's it's even it's even very uh call it genuine to share that I don't have a relationship with my parents, but sometimes I think about it in a certain way. And some people take that for granted. They still got the parents or they have a parents that are on and so forth. So so it's like it's it's it's it's hard, it's hard, it's hard healing to hear that from you. So what comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah, overcoming that is one as I'm thinking about this. I'm thinking about um what is it like the the is it 12 steps or something like that with alcohol alcoholic? What is it, alcoholics anonymous, like accepting, acceptance literally, like they've got it so right, acceptance, like accepting the fact that this happened and it's totally out of my control. I guess, for example, with my parents, sure, I could try and rekindle a relationship with them. Have I tried that before? Yes. Knowing what a detriment it is to me, or knowing the pros and cons, I guess if we're looking at it generally speaking, knowing the pros and cons of a certain situation, if I willingly go and put myself back in the situation that I had removed myself from, knowing that it's gonna be more painful and more difficult and more of a detriment than to just remove myself from the situation, no matter how painful, like just accepting that that's going to exist and not being surprised by like, oh my gosh, this is really painful and this sucks, and I'm so depressed and I don't know why. That is why. And it's okay, like it is totally okay, but accepting and looking at okay, this is this is out of my control, like losing my grandmother, totally out of my control. You can't control that. And so accepting the fact that that is the reality, and then knowing it's okay to be upset, like it's okay to have emotions for the longest time, especially. And maybe you can relate to this like with military training. It's like no emotions, like you can't take a moment, you know, like you can't take a breather because the mission comes first. And so I was still in the military when this happened and um I was in command, which is probably one of the more demanding positions to be in, um, especially like with a training unit. And it was just very demanding. And I didn't have time to sit and think and kind of feel what I was feeling, you know. So I I only realized until recently, like, shoot, it is okay. It is absolutely okay to grieve whatever it is that you're grieving or or grieve the loss or the failure or what you thought could have been. It is absolutely okay. In fact, it's probably healthy like to have that emotional release. Um but yeah, and then to our conversation earlier, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Like I I I have I'm I'm guilty of this. Like part of my coping mechanism would be totally isolate myself, which a lot of people tend to do when they're feeling down or negative emotions. And it's like knowing that, recognizing that, like recognizing these behaviors that you know you might go into as an individual where it feels safe and it feels good, but it might be harmful in the long term. Like, okay, we can bed rot for a day, but that's fine. Like after the day, we're not doing this anymore, and we're gonna get right back to it and be busy and not bored and get to work and be productive. Um and so those all those things coupled together, and then just keeping life in perspective and gratit, like having gratitude, having sincere gratitude for the smallest things, the biggest things, like thank you, God, I woke up today. Thank you, God, I have another breath. Um all those things. Um I mean, there are probably tons of things you can do, but I think those are the most important, and those and those are what have helped me. So petting dogs.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

I'm glad you're enjoying the podcast. Before we continue, I have a gift for you. Since 2016, I have read and listened to over 900 books so far. It's gonna be a thousand, and I organized them into a library and I hand picked the top 100 books I recommend to my clients, my friends, and the people in my community. Books on storytelling, language, and personal growth, and building something from your own life. If you're watching this podcast and you're looking for your next great read, this library is your gift. It is free. Go to asheralbertwright.com and check out the 1000 book challenge. This is my gift to you. Now back to the conversation. I'm curious. Uh uh I'm curious about this this uh this thought here. Do you do you think better when you're laying down or when you're standing up? Have you experimented that with yourself to see where your your best thought comes to you when you're sitting down, standing up, or when you're laying down? I'm curious.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

For me, oh, I've never like done an experiment on this or consciously thought about hmm, am I gonna have some better thinking outcomes if I'm laying down or if I'm standing? I just I tend to stand more. Like even when I eat, I don't have a kitchen table. Like stand, stand and eat typically. Um, which I don't know, there's studies that say that's terrible for you, but the reason why I'm asking because sometimes sometime when you go into adversity, sometime when like something hits you really hard, do you like take a seat?

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Do you lay down on your back? Or do you you know, do you go for a walk? Like, how do you process the most challenging thing that comes to you each time whatever adversity comes to you? Where do you think you you you process that better at?

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Yeah, I think I think it definitely depends on the day because like when I got the news of my grandmother, for example, since we're talking about this, I felt the floor, like not like collapsed all dramatic, but I was like, like I couldn't stand. Like it was just so overwhelming. But there are other times where I'm feeling emotional and there's maybe a conflict or something challenging that I might I guess my thoughts are racing. It's more, it's not as um stop you in your tracks. It's more so like uh I feel like excited about like excitable or anxious or angry even, then I've gotta go for a walk and process this and have the silence and have the movement. Whereas something just gut wrenching not so much. Not so much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

It's interesting here. Maybe you should do it. Maybe you should experiment on that.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 22:09

Yeah. But well I well personally I find myself I'm a I'm a better thinker on my back.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Um so when I'm like like something is really like like poking at me, I gotta lay down on my back and I I just lay there and I let it come. And then the ideas come, the solution comes. So I think better laying down. Um I read I read better laying down too. Um so it's just different.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Journal do you journal?

SPEAKER_03 22:39

Well, not in a typical writing in a book. I journal on my phone because I have a lot of pads open, so I just I write, I write. I'm a I'm a so for example, if I'm out walking and an idea hits me, I stop and write it down. If I'm out if cycling, I remember I used to write a list of books all the time when I'm like climbing. I used to I was in Colorado Springs, I used to like to write a pike speak. I used to write up there and back down, right? So I used to like to cycle and I get somewhere and I'm going and a thought hit me, I'm like, it's hard, but I stop and I write it down because I'm always stopping. So I like to write notes because I know what happened once that thought comes, it goes, you're like, man, that was a great thought. But you're not gonna remember it because you just come and go. So I do I do that a lot. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Yeah, no, same, same. If there's a if there's anything and I don't have like a journal, for example, I'll get back to that. But I'll I'll definitely put it in my phone. A quick note to your point. You're absolutely right. I love that method. Like, oh gosh, I've got to write this down as soon as possible before it escapes me. Um, but as far as journaling, like just thinking about your question, if there's something I really need to process as well, and I'm just totally confused, or like, am I crazy for thinking this? And then I what I tend to do is one, I'll either write it out just full stream of conscious thought, done, word vomit onto the paper because there's something about the pen to paper. Um, I don't know the scientific backing, but something about it helps you process better. Um, but then on the flip side, if it's something where I'm doubting myself, I'm like, no, no, no, I know this was the case. Um, I start writing out the facts, like the logical, unbiased facts as best as I can. And I'm like, okay, this is the right decision or not, you know. So I found that really helpful too.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

No, that's a very powerful tool. And we're talking about adversity here. So oftentimes the the the hardest place to solve a problem is sometimes in your own mind. Uh and so so when you start writing it out, it it it takes it away so you can you can apply your five senses to it. So when I write something out and I share it or write it out and look at it with my eyes and look at it again, it's like, oh, it's that's not what that's not what it felt like on the inside. So when you when you put it, make when you make it an object, it's different than you and you keep it within you. So I also find that valuable as far as writing my stuff also from like since I learned that lesson, I start writing a lot because it's so much easier to process clarity when you start writing stuff out. Because you gotta edit it when you put it on paper. In your mind, it's like all chaos there, and it's difficult. Yeah, okay. I have a few thoughts here. I want to I want to get your your your spin on this. And the first I'm gonna start with there's a thought that says, You are what you love, not what you do. So if you look at your life, what is it that you do most of the time when you have time to do nothing? When you hear those words, what comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_00 25:38

What do I love to do the most when I have time to do nothing?

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Yeah, I actually this is a really great question, Asher, because it only dawned on me recently, um, like in the last six months, we as human beings, at least I don't know, this is my experience, and I think it's relevant for the general population as we define ourselves by our title or credentials or what we have. People say, Hey, what do you do? Oh, I'm a program manager, blah blah blah. But then recently, like somebody asked me that. It's like, what do you do? Like, I love to help people, I love being a dog mom. I love to um yap on the internet and overshare and you know, like work out. Like, I love all these things. I'm not defined, like, sure. I had and I guess I don't know, it kind of dawned on me because I was in a position where again, getting out of the army where the army's so black and white. It's so black and white. You have a rank, it means a certain thing, like you were saying earlier. Like you you have a rank, it means a certain thing, you have a position, it means a certain thing. And leaving all that behind is like, who am I? And so I really had to think about this. And I got into not an argument, but maybe somewhat of a disagreement or a debate, also not knowing much better about the corporate world. One of my last positions, it's like this the title that they wanted me to have, because I came on as a consultant and then they wanted me on full time for context. And the title that they wanted to give me didn't like if we wanted to get technical with it, it did not encompass my duties and responsibilities and what I was actually doing. And so there was a little bit of a debate, and I finally was like, all right, whatever. Who cares about the title? Obviously, it doesn't matter, but it does. It does to some people. And I guess it was that point that I realized I was like, whatever. He gave me this arbitrary title because I don't know, maybe it's easier for you to code in accounting, who knows? And people are going to treat me a certain way and judge me based off of this title, similarly to how when you're in the military, this exactly the exact same thing that happens. I mean, that is like the classic example of like who you are, your rank, position, title. That doesn't define the human. So when I say like I love to do all these things, this is what I'm passionate about, it is not in any like I could be, you could tell, you could say I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm you know, a business owner, like a social media content person, and I could be all those things and they would be right. So when people work so hard for something just to get those, like that alphabet soup behind their name, or not like degrading any kind of like credentials that somebody has worked hard for, but when that is used as a defining mechanism for who they are as a person at their core, I think that's where life gets kind of difficult because what happens when you're not in that job anymore? What happens if you don't have a fancy car or a fancy house or what I say fancy, but like you know, some people that is their defining moment. So it's like, what happens when you take all that away? Who are you at your core? And I think that's where a lot of people, I don't know, they don't really see it that way. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03 29:19

There's a lot of wisdom in what you're hearing right now.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

I think so. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

There there is there is because because you know, if you if you fast forward into the future and you get to your 80-year-old self or no, whatever age you think is gonna be your your elderly title, and you look back at all those things that uh once defined you, you realize that they weren't you really. It was just you know, if you think about your name, and the reason why we name things is so we can capture it. It's so we can we we can define it, we define it, meaning that we can limit it. Because you can't put something inside of you without limitation. So if I can put a name on you, then how can I define it? Who can I limit you? So oftentimes we name things for limitation purposes. So I can put you in a box, like you you fit right here. Like Asher is this, so I know this Asher. But if Asher says something else that's undefined, that means Asher can be anything, and sometimes you don't want that to be a person in your life. So definition is important for people to constrain things. So sometimes I I say I'm I'm beyond that, like I'm above that name, or I'm above that um that gender, I'm beyond gender, I'm beyond name, I'm beyond all the things that you could use to define somebody because it's a limitation game. So once I understand that, I understand why people do it. Because if you don't do it, then it it it drives you crazy. Like, Riley, why should I call you? And well, just call me Riley. But what does Riley mean? Okay, let's get into that. What does Riley mean? And you're like, oh, I'm laid out. But at the end of the day, for me to identify you, I need to name you, I need to label you. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Yes. No, absolutely, 100%. I mean, I get it, and uh, and like I was saying, the military is just a classic example. It's easier to keep track of things, especially if you're in a large organization. And again, like maybe it's for accounting reasons or benefits reasons, like you have to be coded a certain way, everybody's just a number, everybody's just essentially like a cog in the wheel almost, depending on where you know you're working. I know I'm talking about like career sense, but um generally what people don't understand tends to scare them because they don't understand it.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

And that's why they label it, they give it something. Some people might look at you and call you names, yeah, because they don't they don't understand it, so they gotta give you either a negative name or whatever because they they're afraid. It scares them.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

That's all it comes down to. I mean, how many people have you met that have been like, oh my gosh, no, I would never want to live in this state or this country, but they've never been there themselves, like they've never experienced, oh, I would hate to do XYZ for a job, or I would hate to have kids or be married or whatever, like insert whatever, and they've never done it themselves. And it's like, well, how do you know? How do you know? Have you been there? Well, no, but I've I've heard and it's like okay. It's like the the like the women in combat arms roles conversation. Like, that is such a hard concept for people to wrap their heads around because for so long women have been oppressed. Like, we weren't able to vote, like we couldn't have jobs, and now you've got women doing probably one of the most not the most, but one of the most masculine jobs in our nation. And it's like that's weird. That can't be possible, you know. So it's like when the majority of the evidence says it can't be done, it hasn't been done. People are gonna go to the path of least resistance. It's just human nature.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

We're we're like water. We follow the path of least resistance. It flows like you just go. I got a okay, I got another one for you. Um, which you know, you kind of tab it into like this one. We already covered this one, but it says do not be defined by your business card, because when your business card changes, you will feel like you're nothing or no one. But that was good talk. But here's the one I want to ask you. So you become successful when you start saying no to things you used to say yes to. And I wonder what that feels like for you right now when you when you hear that saying.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Oh my gosh, this is so relevant. And I love I love that you put this all together in a nice little package, too. Thank you for doing that, because um, not everyone does that. And that's okay. Like, you know, but anyway, it was helpful to to read beforehand. Um, but yeah, this is so relevant, actually, because starting off in this like new season of my life, um, you know, leaving the military, being stripped of all the things that the military gives you, um, and it having been basically my entire life and just the way life works out and the way God works out, just being totally stripped of all that and ego is now gone. Like I no longer have this, you have to automatically respect me because of what's on my chest, like my rank. And that doesn't exist in the normal world, and well, most organizations, but that was incredibly humbling. Like losing somebody that deeply matters to you unexpectedly, incredibly humbling. Um, and so it like has really forced me on a path of rapid growth and evolution. And you know, having started, and and I'm sure any business owner would tell you starting a business all alone, you know, is uh you'll see some rapid growth. And then you it's funny because I just I literally just made a post about this today because I was yapping about it yesterday and it was on my mind. I was just reflecting after the the rapid growth. I mean, I made a little joke of of the situation because I like to be, you know, make light of situations, but it was like therapy. You don't need therapy, like just go start a business and be a content creator, and you will you know open yourself up to crucifi crucifixion by random strangers on the internet. Like, don't worry. That is rapid self-growth. And so I was having this thought last night. I was like, huh, like things, and I've been noticing it like over the past uh it's been end of October. So what November, December, January, February, March, April, May, like seven months now of rapid, rapid growth for me um internally. And I'm just sitting here thinking to myself, I'm like, thank you, God. Like it's really, I mean, for me, an answered prayer, like breaking me from the bad habits that I used to have, or um, friend groups or behaviors that no longer align for the person that I am or I am becoming, or the person that you know I strive to be. And I was just thinking about it, I'm like that. It just no longer, like it doesn't appeal anymore. And you'll find like that is a true test. I read somewhere and I can't remember where. It was probably Instagram, but I don't know again, like the scientific backing, but it was like the universe will test you one more time with you know an old pattern or an old habit, just to be sure that you have elevated. And I did experience that recently in a big way. Like, I I found myself dating somebody and it was fast and furious, and it was a typical relationship that I would have been in years ago. And I was like, wait a second, this is exactly the type of person I would have fallen for years ago. And like, okay, that was the test. We passed, like it took me a minute, but we passed, you know? So it'll it'll come back and like test you, like even hanging out with friends. I like no judgment. Sorry, my light died. Um, no judgment whatsoever. It's just it's just redirection, you know? It's like I don't judge them for doing the things that no longer interest me that I've done in the past. Um, and it's like it is no judgment whatsoever. It's just redirection. It's like that just doesn't appeal to me anymore.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

No, you you're right about the test. The test is it's it comes around and see whether or not do you want to learn this lesson again? Bro, that last time was painful. I got the message, right? Don't I'm not doing it again. No, not doing it.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

You know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

It's a real thing. Okay. So here's here's one more for you. Say they say frustration is a feeling of something or someone denying you access to the future. No, my question for you is the future that you're going after, what you think is the biggest thing that's denying you access to it, that's frustrating you.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Oh, it's me. Generally, I can't tell you how many people I've spoken to and I don't know if it's like more so women than men, because I think as women, and this could be totally wrong. Like, totally tell me if you you've experienced this too. But I think there's a lot of scrutiny uh as as a woman, like growing up in this society, and I think it's shifting in the right direction, like our culture's shifting, but um, you have to look a certain way, you have to act a certain way, you have to wear certain clothes because problems, no offense, Asher, like that men have for let me just give a controversial example, like sexual assault and harassment is has been the blame has been put on women, and it's like you can't wear this, you can't look this way, you can't talk this way, because this will happen to you. You're asking for it. And it's like, no, that is not my problem. Like, I it's a free country, like so um that and anyway, where I was going with this was women were just, I mean, biological clocks. Like, you've got to get married, you gotta have kids, or else what you know, what else are you on this earth for? That is your purpose. But again, the narrative I think is shifting. Um, so a lot of women that I speak to about this, oftentimes they're like, Yeah, I just I didn't think I would be good at it. Like, I can't tell you, I've had maybe like a handful of conversations in the past week with women specifically, and they and they've been like, I don't know, this one lady, she was doing my eyebrows. I'm like, wow, you're really good at this. How'd you get into this? And she goes, honestly, I didn't think I would be good at it. And my friend like empowered me to do it. And one of my other girlfriends, she's wanting to start a photography business. And I'm like, girl, go, like, do it. And she's like, I don't know, it's just me in my own way. And and oftentimes I see that. Like people I work with, um, when I when I help them with coaching and um like their career, for example, is um typically where I tend to focus is like I unwrap the whole being and it's like, why are we why are we stuck? And we look at the big picture, not just positioning on a resume, for example. And oftentimes it's fear, it's doubt. It's going back to that fear of the unknown. Well, I don't know what this is gonna be like, so I'm scared and I don't want to try and I want to take the path of least resistance because it's familiar. And so for myself personally, it is my own doubts, it is my own fears, it is my own insecurities, my own self-criticisms, as I think it is for majority, if not all of the population. Like, we are our biggest barriers, and that's why I said like therapy and the internal work, that is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and it is like it is never ending as someone who pursues and strives for growth constantly, like I never want to be complacent. It is it is a constant it is a constant journey, it is a constant learning experience, um, and it is the most difficult one.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

What as you was sharing pops in my head was you mentioned rapid growth earlier. And oftentimes encouraging people to do something is always like find an area that you you see the most rapid growth in because you will have so much fun. So you so if you want to figure out what do I focus my what should I do? Whatever area you're gonna find the most growth in, go after that. Because it feels good to grow. So sometimes when you're doing a job, it's like I gotta feel like I'm not doing anything, like my life is not no purpose because there's no growth. If there is growth, I guarantee you're gonna feel like there's purpose. And my advice to anybody is like find something that you're gonna feel the most growth in and you're gonna find yourself keep doing it. Why? Because you're growing. There's no better feeling than that.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Exactly. But but also on the flip side, Asher, I think there are a lot of people that are okay with complacency because it's comfortable. I mean, like, for example, the two corporate jobs I had and left. The people that I worked with pulled me aside, whether it was a private conversation or not. They told me, I wish I could do what you're doing. I want to do what you're doing. And in my head, I'm like, you can absolutely do what I'm doing. But are you willing to accept the consequences? Probably not. So you like your paycheck, you like your guaranteed, I mean, not you know, guaranteed loosely, but your paycheck, your steady paycheck, your health benefits, your same routine. You don't have to move, you don't have a fear of the unknown because it's so scary. But what a beautiful thing that happens in life, excuse me. When you step out in faith and you take the risks. Like, what is that saying, Asher? It's like fortune favors the bold, no risk, no reward. Like those play constantly in my head when I'm fearful and doubting myself. Like I can try and plan. Believe me, this is this current season of my life is the most fly by the seat of my pants season I've ever been in. I'm a planner, like I like to have control as we all do. Like, I like to know the outcome. I like to make the odds good. But I've soon like realized, and I'm a Christian and I believe in God. And it's like, one, giving it to God and just having faith that it'll work out and being faithful and being a good servant. But more importantly, like, I mean, not more importantly, but equally as important playing a role in that. And that role is to sit back and do your best, like do your best work, work like it depends on you. But no. And and again, I love God, but knowing that He will provide. And it has, oh my God, literally. Beautiful, crazy, incredible, wonderful things that have been happening when I stop focusing on the future, like stop dwelling on the past. Easier said than done. But man, just to be in the present, like was it Kung Kung Fu Panda or something? The turtle is like the the present is a gift. The past is I I'm paraphrasing, but like the past is in the past. You can't do anything to change it. It's already happened. But the present is a gift, and you have to receive it and accept it and live in it. And then the future is just you can plan, make calculated risks and decisions, but sometimes you just gotta send it. Like you just gotta send it because you can't control that either. You really can't.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

I love I love what you're saying. And both of us serve in the military. And one thing we know about serving and being in the military is that there's something about when you're winning, you don't get you don't feel like you're tired when you're winning. Just like when you're growing, it's like I don't feel like I'm tired. Because winning does give you a different feeling when you're winning. You feel like you don't get where you get tired. Because you're winning. So you want to be in a position of winning. When you're losing, that's when you feel like I'm enjoying, I'm stressed out. Because you're losing. So I'll say find find a find a way to get a winning streak, some momentum, and we can go change it. So I have another one for you here. And you mentioned this too. Well, we can't change a past, but you can change your story about it. And what I would say about this one too is because you mentioned earlier, and truth and facts, right? You can't change a past, but you can change the meaning of the past. What it means to you. Because when you first experienced it, maybe it was 12, 13, 14, 15. But when you go back and visit a 30-year-old person, you got way more skills now to look at it differently. You could change the meaning of it. So, what are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Oh, 100%. I think he said that beautifully. That is such a beautiful, like everything is about perspective, about shifting your mindset, even. I again, this intense light speed growth that I've been experiencing, as I'm sure most people that kind of step out into this type of work and business ownership or just a totally complete 180 for what they're currently doing in life will experience rapid growth, you know, if they do the inner work and the self-reflection. But yeah, reframing your mind to think of it as like not a failure, but a redirection or a lesson learned or character building. Like, man, that was a really good character building experience. Like, I for the longest time I was stuck in this victim mentality, which I think a lot of people get caught in. And that's where it's like all these horrible things happen to me out of my control, maybe somewhat in my control. I don't know. But it's being able to look at those things and say, okay, what was the lesson here? Like you you could lose, you could win. Um, but to your point, it's all about gaining momentum with the the small things. And again, having the gratitude in the small things and the small wins. Um, shoot, I got out of bed today, like pat myself on the back. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

You're mobile, you're mobile. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

I exactly. I've got working limbs, like I've got great eyesight, a roof over my head, you know, all these small things that maybe we tend to take for granted. But like I was stuck in this victim mentality, like, oh my gosh, somebody's gonna come and save me. Like, you know, no one's coming to save you. No one is coming to save you. And um, yeah, if it I just I see it a lot, especially um since I out myself on the internet, people in the comments oftentimes, or DMs even, they're just not nice people. And it just it's just a reflection of how they have not chosen to step out of that, whether it's a victim mentality, whether it's uh an insecurity or some something about what I'm saying, how I look, what I'm doing, what I've done, triggering a certain person in some way, shape, or form, and them being unable to overcome that mentality, that negative feedback loop that they're stuck in. And it's like it's like uh it's like a it's a conscious effort every single day to wake up and not be like, oh my gosh, poor me, what was me, blah, blah, blah, like all these things, like to not dwell on the past anymore. It's like, okay, these things happened, can't change it, but I can certainly learn from it, you know, and and that's just something that I encourage other people to do too. Because, for example, like I have family members that struggle with addiction, and for the longest time, and again, that's my opinion, but it's out there that's like it's a disease, it's incurable, it's genetic, it's hereditary, um, all these things. But in my opinion, similarly to somebody who is uh uh addicted to working out, addicted to eating food, like addicted to shopping, addicted to substances, those are all just ways to fill a void or numb something, like whether it's a quick dopamine hit or numbing, something that they don't want to deal with. They don't want to face. And again, in my opinion, it is an excuse to say, oh, it's my it's my alcoholism that I am this way and feel sorry for me and feel like it again puts somebody back in the space of the victim mentality. And for me personally, I wholeheartedly like I experienced this because I had professionals and doctors like telling me, oh, you have letter combination diagnosis, PTSD, like it's never gonna get better, you're only gonna get worse, like totally fine if you never work again and you stay in bed all day, and like you'd have every excuse in the world. And it's like, yeah, but that's not that life does not interest me. And sure, thank you for your diagnosis, but you're not, you know, the end all be all, right? So I think a lot of people just get stuck in maybe what they've been told by a provider or the news or the media or friend or Google, and they're like, I have this thing, and so that means I can't do all these things, and everybody has to go out of their way to appease me or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 51:05

This episode is sponsored by Live Chinese the Marketplace, the home for artists who own their stories and their business. Your book, your merch, your audience. One storefront, you keep 80%, you own your customer list, you build a relationship, real relationship with the readers. If that sounds like the way you want to run your business, visit lifechainwisdom.com. This is one quote from Neville Goddard that comes to mind. And he he often says, Every problem comes with its own solution. It says, if your problem is sickness, then your solution is help. If your problem is poverty, your solution is what? So you can think of every problem coming with its own solution, that means the solution exists. So every adversity, every problem you can think of, there is a solution out there. You just probably haven't met it yet. So when you were talking, I was like, uh, yeah. Know that enemy. Because when you say you're when somebody says you have this thing, now you know what the enemy is. That enemy has been defeated by somebody already. Maybe you don't know that person that defeated it. That means a solution exists. You just need to find it and apply it. But oftentimes we rather settle knowing that the enemy is in the room with us versus like I'm gonna do something to get the enemy out of the room. So you gotta be adversarial with the enemy in the room. Like you gotta be on the other side of it. But we don't like to create conflict, we rather sleep with the enemy versus get rid of the enemy. So while you're talking, that's what comes to mind. Another thing I was gonna say earlier, too, is like um I wrote it down it says smile wide while you still got teeth, right? You were talking about ingratitude. So so every day I get up, like I still got my teeth, so I'm gonna smile real wide because I still have my teeth. And it changed a lot of things, it changed a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 52:53

That's so good. I want to write that down on my whiteboard so I can see it. That's great.

SPEAKER_03 53:01

Yeah, smile wide while you still got teeth.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

Oh my gosh, I love that. But it's so true, like because you never know, like we aren't guaranteed another day.

SPEAKER_03 53:16

Mm-hmm. Okay, here's one more for you. It says bad things can happen fast, but almost all good things happen slowly. What comes to mind for you when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_00 53:30

Interesting. Because my initial thought is I think either one can happen fast or slowly. Um yeah, because every I mean, your life can change every in a matter of hours. It can change in a matter of minutes, it can change overnight, good or bad, you know. Um I don't know. Where does that where does that quote come from?

SPEAKER_03 53:52

Oh man, uh I think it comes from I'm gonna have to pull it up eventually, probably not right now. Um I can't remember exactly one of those founders. I forget I was looking it up. That's a good question. I gotta come back to that one. We gotta find out anybody know it, drop it in, drop it in the comment section if you if you remember who that quote comes from. But yeah, bad things can happen fast, but all good things happen slowly. I would say David Ogilvy, but I don't remember exactly.

SPEAKER_00 54:20

Are we live?

SPEAKER_03 54:22

Yes, no, we're not live. We're uh we're we just recorded it. But but when somebody sees this, they can like, uh, that's what it comes from, so we can read in the comments.

SPEAKER_00 54:32

Well, I was just on a podcast recently and it it was live, but people were able to comment in real time, so that's why I asked. But another thought that comes to mind, sorry, I'm totally fine if we are, but um is bad things happen fast and good things happen slowly. I think if the good thing happens to be something that we've been praying for or waiting on or working toward, then it feels like forever, feels like an eternity for that thing to finally happen. Um, and whereas the bad thing, it's like, oh my gosh, it just yeah. Uh I think it just depends. If you focus on all the bad things, you're gonna see all the bad things. If you focus on all the good things, you're gonna see all the good things. Like, I think either one can happen fast or slow. And there's something I started doing recently, Asher. One of my girlfriends encouraged me to do it. Um, and also this book that I've been reading about like how to pray properly and and um, you know, making impactful prayers and things like that. And I'm fairly new, like in my journey, getting to know God and getting close with God. And something one of my girlfriends, she's just an incredible human being. I consider her like my spiritual advisor. Um, but anyway, uh no, I'll I'll ask her questions all the time or I'll tell her things uh related to my faith. And she encouraged me. She's just like, write down like your this revelation moment that you had. Because I I really did have an epiphany type of moment where I felt it was God directly like speaking to me in a way that I've never really felt before when I quit my job. Um, I'll tell you this story if you want to hear. Um, long story short, uh another good friend of mine who I consider a mentor at this point, but similar, like benevolent spirit in the veteran space, um, you know, helping helping people like me and you um through life, basically. And um we had a conversation and I had it was just something I had been thinking about for months. Like, you know, again, uncharted territory, facing the unknown, fear of the unknown, and having not really liking the I or liked the idea of quitting, you know, because then I'm a quitter, but I've since learned and changed that mindset that it's like it's not quite like the sooner you know something is not for you, get out, you know what I mean? Otherwise, you're just wasting bandwidth. Again, like looking back, I guess, on the past now, that past bad thing or mistake or whatever you want to call it, which was me quitting my job with no notice, which was uh something I would, you know, I feel bad about still, but it's also like anyway, and what led to that decision was I was having this conversation with him the night before I decided to go in and I was praying to God the morning of, and this was like five in the morning, and I had woken up and I'm like, please just like a golden fleece moment. If you've heard of that, where um in the Bible there's a story about the golden fleece, and I forgot which one of the it's like Moses or Abraham totally butchering it, but he puts out the golden fleece and it's like, God, if you're real, like leave no do on this fleece or something. I'm probably totally butchering the story, but it's like basically like God, if you want this thing to happen, if you want me to do this thing, please just show me, like, tell me anything, like make it very clear. And sure enough, I received a text from my friend at five in the morning. He's like, You got this. He's like, no looking back, basically, like words of encouragement. He's like, You got this. I said, All right, done. Walked into the office. Like, listen, uh not working here anymore. Um, basically. So, yeah. So again, like how life can change so rapidly, and ever since again, like no plan. All I knew was I want to help people. I don't know how that's gonna happen exactly, but just having that faith and taking that risk, so many incredible things have been happening.

SPEAKER_03 58:45

And you we can we can wrap that up that uh little maxim into relationship, right? Because bad relationships happen fast, but good ones takes a long time to happen. And when you think about the ones, the thing that last are the things that are that feel great are the things that cost you something over time, and those are the things that we normally celebrate. It's the thing that costs us something over time. So when I thought about that quote, that's kind of something you can wrap it into relationships too. I have another one for you.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

Let's go.

SPEAKER_03 59:20

Let's go. It says pros pros are professionals, pros make as many mistakes as amateurs. They're just they just learn how to gracefully recover from their mistakes. And we're we're talking about adversity here, and like life is not gonna be the absence of adversity, it's gonna be the person of it all the time. You just gotta figure out how to recover from it. So when you think about some of your biggest mistakes, the one that you recover from, what would you say those ones that make you the person you are today? If you got a shared top two.

SPEAKER_00 59:58

I think for me, I've made such a conscious effort to not dwell on things that are in the past, I guess. Mistakes that I've made um when people have wronged me. Like to your point, life throws you curveballs and you don't know when they're gonna happen, and you can plan as much as you want, but so many things happen that are out of our control. I mean, some m most things are out of our control. And the only thing you can really control is you, right? And like your mindset. And so when I think about mistakes that I've made, like one one that comes to mind was the way I left I guess there's a pattern here, like the way I left my position in the army. I up until probably recently have thought about it a lot, have dwelled on it. Um thought I could have done a better job, like as a leader or the way that I left. Um, because I just I really didn't speak to anybody, I just kind of said goodbye. Uh and that and that was you know, for my own personal reasons, but I look back and I mean I could beat myself up every day about I could have done a better job, but again, it's like you can't dwell on the past, and oftentimes like we do the best we can with what we have, whether that's like how we were brought up, how we were raised, and that's all we know um, or the circumstances that we're in at the moment. Um yeah, and I think of like maybe staying in a relationship too long wasn't good. Um again, it's like hindsight is 2020. Like you can see so much clearer when you're removed from the situation and you have time to reflect on it and think back. But when you're in it, it's much more complex and difficult than just uh I clearly see what I need to be doing better right now, or or where I'm going wrong, or whatever the situation is. It's it's it's much more difficult to see when your judgment, I guess, is clouded by all the other things going on. Um, or for a relationship like love, for example, you throw love in there, and things get much more complicated, and it's like, well, this person was clearly abusing you for however long, and it's like, well, I you know, didn't know. Um so stuff stuff like that, I think. Yeah, like oh my gosh, this conversation I had. Could I have said things differently? Of course. Could I have said something better, of course. But you can't dwell on it. And if a mistake has been made and like you quote unquote did something wrong, going like trying to rectify the situation if you can, I think is always like the best thing to do. I mean I've tried to do that, but oftentimes it's like either you know, not received well or is received well. I mean, it just depends where the person's at, too, or the organization, or whatever it is. Like I could go back and apologize to the organization and I left them hanging high and dry because in my mind that's how it felt at the time. But looking back and like, no, they'll be fine, they're okay. So again, it's like all about perspective, um, and not and not dwelling on the past. Um but yeah, again, like if I've made it an apparent mistake, um I'm happy, like happy to admit when I'm wrong. But there's no need and no like okay, yes, I was wrong. How do we rectify? You know what I mean? Instead of beating myself up for something that either the person doesn't want to accept the apology and and give forgiveness or whatever the case is and can't move on, then I mean again, like you can only control you, so it's like no sense in beating yourself up over it, you know. I don't know, is that crazy?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:32

There there's there's a there's another way to look at this. Let's let's let's wrap here. There's another way to look at this.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:36

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

Because you said you beat upon yourself, or no, no, no, no sense in dwelling on the past or beating upon yourself. But I think you've done something rich for yourself that you might be overlooking when it comes to looking back. Because a lot of people don't reflect. They're trying to they're trying to bury their history, but your history is your intellectual property. Yeah, and if you don't, if you don't go back and make meaning of it, because in like I say, in inside of it, you might not see the meaning of it. Most times you don't. Meaning comes from it, say 2020 hindsight, right? That's where meaning comes from. So, how do I take my experience of being in an organization? Because I did it when I remember when I first um what was it in Hawaii? I was stationed in Hawaii at the time too, and I came out of my own position as well, and I went to Cuba and I was there for like a year because I got this little kit more tour. I'm like, I'm taking it, because I'm like going back, I'm going to Cuba, Cuba's like right up the direct north of Jamaica. I'm like, I'm gonna hang out in tropics again. But I spent a lot of time reflecting. But this time I was like, how can I make better judgment, better decision? Like, how can I be more supportive for my organization, my leaders? Because I was I was that was I was pushing. Like, I'm I'm very competition sometimes. But I was like, I could have done a better job. But we are gonna say that. If we wanted to grow. If we're like, I could have not have done them better, then maybe that's okay too. But I felt like I can always do better.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:06

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:07

I can always do better. And when you look back at you, you just say I just gotta make better meaning of it. So what is it the story I'm gonna tell myself, what I learned from the situation, what I'm gonna do better for the next situation, because they're gonna be another time coming around. And if you haven't changed any of your time looking back, you're gonna do the same thing again, I guarantee you. Yes, you're gonna repeat the same thing because that's all you that's like your instinct to go back to what you know. But if you're like next time this comes around, I'm gonna swing the bat this way. Because I'm planning for that that ball to hit just to throw at me again. I know it's coming, but I have a plan for it. But if you don't, you're gonna swing the same way you swing before. So it's just I think it's a healthy thing to look back and reflect and like, alright, I did it this way, I could have done better. But next time I will. And the other thing, I heard this quote, I'm gonna I'm gonna butcher it, but it's it's the idea that um an organization can do without a say there's no difference between a good leader and a bad leader in an organization. Because the organization can do it without them. Meaning that if you're a great leader and you leave the organization, you do great because you train them well. If you're a bad leader, you leave the organization, they're gonna do great because they they they're glad for you to be gone, right? So you just gotta think about it in the same in the same aspect. Great leader, bad leader, same impact on the organization. Organization gonna do great without them or do great because they was there.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:26

What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:28

No, yeah, and there's and it goes back to that saying too something like you can learn just as much from a good leader as a bad leader. Like that, you know, okay, I don't want to envy like that, I don't want to be like that, versus I do want to like you pick the take the good and the bad um from both. But yeah, I mean, it's it just all comes back down to perspective, I think. I I personally I I have a tendency to feel guilty about everything because of like how I was brought up. I'm so serious, and like, oh shoot, I said I didn't say hi to somebody that I was passing. Oh my gosh, I hope they're not mad at me, you know, like or these comments that I receive online, and I'm like, oh shoot, did I do that? Is that really who I am? Like these heinous comments that people leave, like pretending to know me or something. And it's it, I really I sit there and I'm like feeling bad about it. Like, shoot, what did I do? Um, how can I, you know, make this better? And then remembering it's like one, not gonna please everybody. I mean, if you're pleasing everybody, you're not standing for anything, you know what I mean? Um, but yeah, I mean, it just it it really comes down to perspective with everything.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:50

I think that's you that's your word of the day for this conversation, is perspective. It's it's awesome because it all it is, it is, it is, it is. We're gonna wrap up. I think this has been a great, great conversation so far. We have a few questions that I want to ask you before we wrap up. Question number one here. If you could share with us a TV show or film you have found yourself returning to lately.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:14

I don't want to tell you at all. You don't want to tell. You gotta tell you.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:25

You got you gotta tell. Can't keep no secret now. You gotta tell.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:30

I'll tell you. All right, one of my guilty pleasures. I guess I'm a little embarrassed too at this, but I'll tell you. Um, I love 90-day fiance. I love that show. I am I am not one to sit and watch a movie by myself or very often at all. Um, I don't know. I'm just I've never really like somebody's like, what's your favorite movie? Like, ah, don't really know. Or you know this actor or actress? Like, not really. Um, so just that's a little bit of context. I'm not well versed in pop culture to begin with, but I do love at the end of like a long day to just basically shut my brain off and just love the drama that ensues and unravels a 90-day fiance. It's just so good. Um but recently, this is in like the last two days, there's I I don't know if it's a newer show or maybe a new episode came out. It's something about like uh crazy ex or like some something like that on Netflix, talking about a crazy ex. And it just so happened that this guy that they were featuring was also on 90-day fiance. So like one, why did they cast him when he was pending crime, you know, pending criminal charges? But they did. Um, and so he did the show, but then ended up serving like 18 years in prison or something like that. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:52

But uh yeah, the combination of those two. That was that was pretty good. I wish I could remember the name, just like something like crazy X or something is very interesting.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:01

Well, I see, I see, I see why you hesitated to share that one. And okay. She's like 90 day fiancé's got all this drama.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:12

All credibility out the window.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:14

No, she's human, she's human, she's human. Okay, number two here. So three books you would recommend to a friend right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:23

Oh, I like that. Um, okay. I let's see. I am one for um nonfiction. So I love learning when I read. Um the three books. If I could recommend to somebody, one would be I just absolutely love the perspective buzzword.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:46

Um the perspective?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

Perspective? No, it's it's called the perspective that it gives. So um rich dad, poor dad.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

It's like oh, okay, rich dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:56

Classic.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:57

But I read that when I was Kiyosaki, that's his name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:02

Yeah. Early, early 20s. And whether you're into real estate or not, it just it helps you see like the way the way he sets up the story with his two dads, even though you know one is really his biological dad and the other is his friend's dad. It's just the what do they call it? Like the contrast between the two lives, um, is just incredible. It just it really helps open your eyes to things. Um, because you could follow the norm, the standard, get a typical job, like work your way up in that position or career field, but then still be so um, I don't know if unhappy was the right word to describe it, but unfulfilled maybe, and um even in debt, and as he mentioned, whereas you can just you not even graduate high school and build this beautiful life and be, you know, successful. Um, so seeing those two stark like contrasts and lives um explained so well, I think was really good. And then um the devotional that I read and have been reading is um wow, what's it called? Circle Maker. Is it the circle maker? No, draw draw the circle. I'm sorry. I'm also reading Circle Maker, but draw the circle is the daily devotional. And again, I mean, if you're religious or not, still incredible lessons, help put things in perspective, like just incredible. And then another one that I would recommend that's ease, like an easier read. You can open it up and each page is like something new. Um, but it helps with self-reflection and grace. Um, a gentle reminder is what the book is called. And um, it's really a gentle reminder.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:46

Every page is you do you don't do you remember the author's name for a gentle reminder, or you don't um I don't, but I can grab it really quick if you'd like.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:55

Here I also have um my favorite books are in my game, and I have like my screen story, but I I love I love the game. Um there's another one I like to reread too.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:16

Again, these are all like good perspective keepers. Um, it's called How to Make Shit Happen, and it's a short read, like like this one, short. Um, but it just it helps you remember like this guy goes through the trenches, Sean Whelan. He goes through the trenches, he loses everything. He had a successful multi-million dollar business or whatever, loses everything, and he's just human about it. And he like shares what helped him and his principles. So, anyway, this one I really like. This one, this was a gift to me. A gentle reminder.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:50

A gentle reminder, okay, got it. Yeah, okay. And the all what's the author of the name?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:54

Bianca Sparracino.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:58

I don't know if they said that okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:01

So that's number two. What's number three? That um, so what we got Robert Robert, Robert Kiyosaki book, Richard Poor Dad, Gentle Reminder, and what was the other one?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:13

The other one was um draw the circle. And the sequel is circle maker, but draw the circle again. Easy read, easy daily thing. It's like each each page is a new devotional practically. But like, see this, for example, they're just gentle reminders, like no person is sent to you by accident. I like thought provoking, Riley. Yeah, yeah. And then this trilogy is really good too. You got me nerding out now, but young Pueblo, he's a great author.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:46

Anyway, good good to know, good to know that you are a reader and a writer. That's good. Okay. Number three here: a product or tool you have been using that has been a game changer for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:58

Game changer.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:59

Product or a tool.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:01

Yeah, recently. Well, Claude, AI, game changer. Um, and then a product I've been using is AG1. They're greens every morning, empty stomach, first thing in the morning. Game changer for me.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:16

Claude and uh eaten product. Okay, last one. A community you have been finding real value in, the one that helped you get to where you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:28

That's a great question. Um, I guess we could call this a community. Um, this nonprofit organization I've been working with um recently did a study as part of the pilot, the ski program we were talking about. Um, the pilot study that was conducted in was it March, end of March? And I mean, that whole thing and the work they're doing has been it was it's been life-changing. It's been incredibly life-changing. Um and again, all benevolent people, it's a win-win for everybody involved. And it's just like so fulfilling to be a part of that and then also be able to speak on, you know, what has helped me um and hopefully push their push their mission forward.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:12

Does the program program have have an official name yet?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:15

Yeah, Aspen Elevation Institute.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:18

Okay. Nice, nice. Great. All right, I've got one more wrap-up. Okay. If the paceometer showed you how long it is taking you to reach the version of yourself you want to be, what would it say right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:36

I think I would say, I don't know. Um, because I feel like I have had so many answered prayers over the years, and the person I was a year ago, two years ago, I don't think would have could been able to conceptualize the person I am today. So it's almost like I could say, yeah, I I want to be this person, I have this idea, this person that I want to be, and I feel like I'm 80% there. But then it's just it's open-ended, I think, because I couldn't even fathom like who I am today and what I'm doing today. I just couldn't even fathom a year ago, you know, so six, seven months ago. Like so I feel like that I don't know, like you can write out who you are and who you want to be, and it just it it's it's an open-ended thing, I think, with continuous growth and improvement. So I think it'll be stuck at like eighty percent perpetually.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:48

Hopefully, hopefully not 80 miles an hour.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:51

Well, maybe Rather, this has been a fun conversation, my friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:01

This has been enlightening on the on this side of the the videos. So hopefully the folks that listen to us today really enjoy hearing you share about what comes to mind for you when ideas hit you. Your swing back was was powerful. Let's let's say that. Any last words before we close off?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:22

It did not happen overnight. No, but yeah, yeah, recognizing when things no longer serve you and being able to just move on from that and have a good perspective, focus on the positive and not dwell on the past, I think is one of the most important things you can do.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:42

Okay. Last question. What is your biggest takeaway from this awesome chat we just had just now?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:49

I would have to say my biggest takeaway. I think that the theme of the conversation, um I guess going back to our buzzword of the day, like just keeping things in perspective really changes everything. We could call something a failure, you could call it a redirection, you could call it a loss, or you could call it a lesson learned, or character building, or whatever. Like just keeping that in the back of your mind, like that mindset shift, reframing your thoughts um to gear toward positive. Easier said than done.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:32

Easier said that done. Easier said and done. All right, Riley, it was it was great chatting with you. Um make it an utterly, utterly fantastic day.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:41

Thank you. You two, thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to yap with me.