SPEAKER_01 0:00

There was a time where I was entirely overgiving. And I feel like for me, the anchor point in wanting to be generous and overgiving is how you feel. Like for me, if I'm feeling like, oh, this is making sense, like we're both on this winning path together, uh, yeah, this is cool, like happy to help. Versus now I feel resentment. Like I'm saying yes, but I resent it the whole entire time. That's showing me this is not how I need to be moving forward because that's a pretty heavy indicator of, okay, this isn't really supporting my path, this might be even taking away from it. So there was a time where I was just really into my people pleaser. Like I feel like I'm a recovering people pleaser. If I was like, all right, yeah, I'll like go above and beyond and whatever, I'll help you out to the point where I was suffering. And so I started noticing that a couple years ago, where I was just overgiving, overgiving with relatives, with financial things, with babysitting, with helping with projects and tasks, where the point where I would look at the vision that I wanted for my life and the the life that I was living. And those were two different things. I was I was starting to just go on a totally different path with how I use my time because whatever's in your schedule, that is the life you're creating. And so if you're looking at what you're doing every single day and that's not leading up to the life that you want, there's an opportunity to check in.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Today's guest is Rachel Cronin, a nature connected coach, telex speaker, and the president of Downtown Toastmasters in Colorado Springs. Rachel grew up moving 50 times across 19 different states, 13 public schools, her father struggled to hold a job. When he lost one, the family packed up and followed the next offer. The fastest day was six hours. Rachel did not choose that life, she survived it, got good grades, planned her escape, and somewhere around the 11th grade, she started giving up. Then she found personal growth. Late teens, a set of CDs by Kevin Trudeau that she listened to on repeat in her grandmother's house while her family told her self-help meant something was wrong with her. One sentence changed the direction of her life. I can create my future. She ran with it. Books, seminar, coaching school. She became a trained coach, built a business helping people see their own patterns and move through them. She gave a TEDx talk call, City to Gritty, six months after joining Toastmasters. Then Rachel did something the girl who moved 50 times would have thought was impossible. She bought a 35-acre property in the mountains of Colorado. She put down roots so deep she put down a mountain. Today, Rachel is planning her first professional conference with Toastmasters District 26 in 2027. The theme is powerful beyond measure. Move through fear. Today we are talking about pattern recognition, the patterns we keep walking into, the patterns we pretend not to see, and the moments we walk down a different street. Welcome, Rachel Cronin to the Memoirs to Millions Podcast. Sometimes you come across a combination of words from someone who did a really good job at making something complicated feel simple. Portionerson did that with a short poem, five chapters, five stages of how we wake up to the patterns in our own lives. This poem is the anchor for a conversation today. Before I finish reading it, sit with one question. What is it that you want to talk about today? Let that sit while I read. Chapter 1. I walk down the street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in, I am lost, I'm helpless. It is not my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter 2, I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I don't see it, I fall in again. I can't believe I am in this this same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 3, I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall. I still fall. It is my it is a habit, but my eyes are open. I know where I'm I know where I where I am, it is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4, I walk down the same street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk, I walk around it. Chapter 5, I walk down another street. For the folks that do not know Rachel Cronin, she's a longtime friend. We have more to talk about as this conversation goes on, and we can take that on a journey. Now imagine you are sitting with a friend on a beautiful day. Maybe you are walking together, you have something warm or cold to sip on, you have time, you are just thinking out loud, this is what this conversation is. You're going to hear a handful of maxims, short lines of wisdom from people who have thought deeply about life. When you hear one, sit with it, think about a first-time experience, a failure, a fear, a dream, or a victory. Whatever comes to mind for you is what we talk about. If someone listened to this in the future and hears your thoughts, what would you want them to walk away with? This is the spirit you bring to this conversation. So welcome Rachel Cronin to Memoral Submissions Podcast. And again, the question is what is it that you want to talk about today?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Thank you so much, Asher. That poem is such a great choice. I look at that as an arc, not just for my life, but many, probably for other people out there as well. A real metaphor for becoming, for wisdom, for uh growth, where you're starting to notice your patterns and transcend them to make new choices. And I feel like that is one thing that I've learned to be pretty good at as a coach, helping people see their patterns, reflect them back as wisdom so they can start moving forward and becoming a new version of themselves, that version that they aspire to be, and and more. So I feel like that was a great way to open up our time together.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Yes, yes. And we we have spent a lot of time. So for the folks that don't know us, um, we both are in the the downtown Toastmasters Club in Colorado Springs. And um currently you are the president of the club and you've been doing an awesome job leading the club, just getting the club growing. And I just want to say publicly, congratulations for taking us on that nice journey. And you're an awesome leader, by the way. Awesome leader.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Oh, thank you. It's been it's been a joy this past year, a big learning experience. Probably a couple of times where I went down the same street and fell in the hole and then went around the hall. But that that's leadership. That's leadership in and of itself. And it's been fun leading the club to to new awards and to more memberships, and really that's uh and really helping people find their voice and start using it in intentional ways. That's what I feel like Toastmasters is really about, is if you have a story within yourself and you have something, uh maybe this relates, but if anyone's ever had that burning desire of wanting to share their voice or there's a story within them that can't stay within them, I feel like Toastmasters is a great place to start practicing how to tell that story. Practice your nerves in front of a group of people and also see who you can become on the other side of those nerves, on the other side of that fear, which is a different that which is different for everybody, which is why I like that platform. It really can you can cater it to what you need most in public speaking, business, leadership, and and whatever. I mean, even the family reunion. If you want to not be nervous in front of your relatives, it's a good place to practice.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Well, let me ask you this bar. Since we're on toastmaster, let's kind of talk about it a little bit. And I'm curious to know, like this conversation gonna the theme is around pattern recognition. And you know, it's it's always good to kind of like see your own patterns in your life. But if you gotta think about Toastmaster, you've been in here for over like what, four years, something like that now. But what is the biggest pattern that you've noticed about yourself, but is going through this the the process of being part of that club? What we what would that be?

SPEAKER_01 8:32

The biggest pattern about that I've noticed about myself, I feel like I have a couple in different categories. One is a public speaker myself, facing the same nerves. Most people, I guess the people closest to me would know that I tend to be one of those uh introverted extroverts. So I can present myself as being very extroverted when it counts, going to different events, doing speeches, rocking the stage, and then also deeply appreciating recharging for, you know, three hours to three days, however much my schedule allows afterwards. Um, and so I feel like as a speaker, it's been really helping me move through that arc and face my own nerves, face my own introvertedness, and help me find my, I guess, my next level and my own leader in my own speaking. So as a participant in the organization, I feel like it's it's really helped me grow and helped me be prepared for the next level, whether that's in planning this conference. I'm planning a big conference for 2027.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Tell me about that. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

And uh at the end of April through the beginning of May. And the theme is powerful beyond measure, move through fear. So the whole event is designed as a rite of passage, transformational experience to help you notice the fear in your life, meet it, move through it, and see who you become on the other side, which I've kind of uh used the wisdom of Marianne Williamson with her famous poem, Our Deepest Fear. And that looks like becoming powerful beyond measure. So I really felt a lot of inspiration from that poem because I do think it's true. I do think our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is we are powerful beyond measure. And when we start stepping into our power and the transformational process that it takes to become that new version of yourself, that can be scary. It can be scary to create a new life because oftentimes it means leaving your old life behind. So the conference is there to help people move through that transformation, you know, if they want it, and see who they can become on the other side of their fear.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Okay, let's let's let's poke on fear a little bit here because I'm not sure how many conferences you put together in your life before, but what is your biggest fear when it comes to like putting on this conference for yourself personally?

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Oh, my biggest fear uh with putting together this event. Um, well, I feel like to be super candid, just the budget. I'm working with a nonprofit. I'm working under Toastmasters International as a 501c3 nonprofit. And so the way that these conferences are funded are from ticket sales. So I am very polished. I like things that are nice. I like nice things. And so I what I want to do for the attendees of this event is to provide a world-class high-end experience. And so a lot of the vent from the venue to the food to the keynote speakers, they're all very high value. And so I actually went through some data analysis, and the value of this conference is close to $10,884 or something like that. Like it's a very high value event. And uh, and of course, the tickets are just, you know, under $200 for everyone who wants to go to it. I really want it to be affordable so it can be accessible to as many people that are looking for and craving this transformation in their life. But yeah, I feel like that's my biggest thing is like I really hope that I meet the budget requirements. Because I don't want to be over budget. And if we're under budget, that's even better because I can give even more value to the people that come.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Okay, we're gonna tie back into the conference later on. And I can see that you're energized about it, excited about this thing. And uh is this your first conference? Like first kind of conference?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yeah, this is my first full-on professional conference that I've planned from idea to execution. I've planned other events in my life. Um, I did a forest gathering um out in nature. It was really cool. I did this uh this event out on this mountain property that I have. I have 35 acres up here in the Colorado Mountains. And so that had about a hundred people. And it was also a really big success. I had no idea there would be that many people, though. I was planning for about 50. And then when I saw people just they just kept showing up. They kept showing up. I was like panic texting my sister-in-law at the time. I was like, we're gonna need more cups. We need more cups. Oh, and it was beautiful. It was beautiful. I spent a couple of weeks prepping for that, putting solar lights all over. I lit up the forest. It was just so beautiful, and it was a huge success. But there were there were some logistical things that I took away with. Um, with yeah, you may, you may think there's a certain number of people that are interested, but that that figure may be way more than you think it will be. So planning for those those spaces and then also parking, parking in the mountains, that's pretty scary. So I haven't done, we like had a half mile of forest road that was just packed with cars. So a whole half mile of this road was one lane only, which is pretty scary in the mountains. You know, people can't pass each other with all the cars out of park. So I've since uh paused that project. Everyone's like, What are you gonna do? Another one. I'm like, as soon as I can find some shuttles and like figure out parking because we cannot, we cannot do luckily, there is no problems with it, but that was one anxiety piece as an event planner is uh parking in the mountains.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

So so would it be fair for me to say that you like event planning?

SPEAKER_01 14:30

I like hosting people. I feel like it it goes into event planning, but I find I really like, I really do enjoy hosting people, whether I have people over at my house or on our mountain property or uh events that I put on, just smaller events. I I feel like I do, I've just always liked that. Even if I wasn't doing events, I feel like I would still want to invite people into my life and give them some sort of high value, higher end. I'm definitely more of like the polished person where if we we can do something like if there's a few dollars difference between regular and higher end, I'm always gonna choose that. I don't, I've always had that um oh no, that standard of just trying to quality, quality. Yeah, it's quality. That's a good way of putting it. Yeah, I really appreciate quality. So, and I like sharing that with others.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

All right, let's jump into some of these maxims because I uh it seems like he got a lot of stories, Rachel, and I wanna I wanna hear what your thoughts come up. So the first one I'm gonna start with, and I think this one's gonna be funny, but I think he says, if you meet three three jerks before noon, you are the jerk. What story pops in mind when you hear that thought?

SPEAKER_01 15:41

The story that pops into mind is I feel the whole world is a mirror for ourselves. So if I'm meeting several people that are all appearing to be as jerks, then that's showing me how I'm presenting myself. And I need to check myself, like, okay, what am I doing? What how am I attracting this into my life? What am I doing with my energy? Uh so I I feel like that I get really introspective and I look at those things as signs too, especially like even if it's traffic, like, all right, like this person got angry with me as I was driving, and then this happened that was negative, and then this happened that was negative. I'm like, okay, what am I, what's my internal state right now? Because I I I don't think of it as like the world's out to get me as much as I'm in control of my of my world, right? And so when I start seeing all these patterns start showing up, yeah, I I look at it as a way to really uh look into myself and maybe even integrate certain things about myself of like, okay, well, where's my energy at right now? How can I start making some shifts? And usually that also starts reflecting a new reality in front of me. If I'm start showing up with more gratitude, maybe have a new experience to be grateful for. Or if I'm coming at the world with anger, I'm probably gonna meet a jerk.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

But you know, I think it's tied to this next one. I'm I'm I want to ask you about that. We can have more deeper conversation. And it says, do not compare your inside to someone else's outside. Now, what comes to mind when you hear that as well?

SPEAKER_01 17:11

That's a good question. When I think of like my inside, I think about my internal state. Is that kind of what you're meaning? Like what I'm thinking about, my mood, maybe my energy levels. And then I guess what I'm seeing here is when I compare that to someone else's outside, I have no idea what their internal state is. So I'm just seeing how they're presenting. That's probably the gap right there of I'm comparing my internal to someone else's presented state, which could be vastly different than how they feel inside. I guess, yeah, I guess when I think of that, just uh try not to do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Yeah, because this happened a lot like social media, right? Because oftentimes people post like their happiest moments, their best moments, their best self, and you might think they're having a great life, but then behind the scene, they're in chaos, they're in turmoil, they just have all this stuff. But people present certain things, and you're like, Well, my life sucked because they're having a great time, not realizing what their inside is like, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Oh, yeah, no, 100%. I think that also what I'm noticing, and maybe it's just because you know, I'm like in my late 30s now, but I'm noticing a lot of that the social media, like what's presented and what's happening behind the scenes, also comes down to having more discernment and more trust in what you do put out there in the world. Because I mean, I find myself doing the same thing where if I'm caring a whole lot, I don't necessarily want to put that out in front of the world. You know, I don't really see how like that would be beneficial to me or to what I'm the life I'm creating, you know, and for better or for worse. So I guess I kind of see it both ways, where someone's like posting their highlight reel. But even if they are, it would be if you are really close to them, it'd be good to check in on, you know, what's happening behind the scenes because chances are, like you said, they are caring a lot, but maybe for whatever reason they don't want to post it because they want to appear a certain way, appear a certain way, or maybe they just don't feel like they can share the hardships in a public forum. And um, so I feel like that could also be, you know, just depending on who it is, like an invitation to like, hmm, I know you're posting all this stuff, just also want to see if there's how are you doing, you know. I feel like just like how are you doing could be an opening question for a lot. And and if and I also feel like the social media thing is uh kind of common now. I feel like most people post their highlights, um, and uh but that's only 50% of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

I think a lot of us we have these the capabilities to narrate happiness, but to be a a a great narrator of unhappiness, a lot of people don't have the skill for. That's why one of the reasons I love Toastmasters because you get to practice. How do you tell the story about the thing that's might be traumatizing, might be fearful, might be scary? How do you tell that as a story? Because because that thing is like a big bowler, right? And oftentimes you have to get the skills to turn that into a pebble for somebody to carry. And we are afraid of sharing the heavy stuff because we don't know to transform it in storytelling language. So then people like, I'm only gonna share my highlight really because if I try to share the heavy stuff, it's just gonna be messy, and I don't know how to control the mess. And then what do you want to dump your mess in somebody else? But but if you're artistic with how you tell a story, like this happened to me today. Guess what happened to me today? I was sitting down and I got a phone call, and it was my aunt telling me that her husband passed away. And XYZ, right? And you just go into the story, you share it about it, but it's it's it's weighing heavy on my heart right now. I'm not even sure what to think about it or to feel about it, but it's something that I'm going through, I'm feeling because that that that that uncle was the person that took care of me, right? And you find a way to lay it out and share it, and people like that can resonate, but it's it's how do you share that without just dumping it and be negative or just or crying, you know what I'm saying? And if you understand how to do that art, then you can start sharing your stuff. And people want to hear that, like, I want to hear what's going on in your world because you know I was talking, I was talking to Tiana yesterday too, and she was talking about authenticity, but that's that's the authenticity that you show up, and you're like, hey, this is what I'm feeling right now, and it's what I'm expressing it. People can connect with that. And guess what? A lot of people magnetize to you, like, Rachel. So, what's going on with you? How are you doing? And then you get to share even more.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah, no, 100%. And I also feel like, I mean, first of all, I'm so sorry to hear that.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I'm so wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. That didn't, that's I'm I'm I was role-playing that that didn't happen for real.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Oh my gosh, I thought you were being.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

But that was believable, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

That was I was like, wait, hold on. Maybe we need to unpack something really quick.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Um That was that was me, that was me putting on my storytelling role.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Yeah, no, that's great. I mean, I I was right there. I was like, hold on, we need to take a pause. We need to take a pause and we can talk about like some some moving through grief. And that's actually a great subject. The subject I'm passionate about is what to do in the face of grief. But yeah, that's that I'm I'm happy to hear your uncle's five. So no, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

All right, let's try let's try one more. And um it says don't let work mean something other people tell you to do. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like that was the case for you?

SPEAKER_01 22:28

That is a good question. I feel like to a certain extent, I've been entrepreneur for a really long time. So I have been able to create my task list and use that in meetings and I work with a lot of people. I work with a lot of different leaders and toastmasters. I work with different people with building my coaching business. And so I feel like for the most part, the tasks that end up into my work to do's have been things that I feel like I need to be doing myself. Like they're like self-created. And when they stop becoming that, and I feel like there's some sort of like I've been I've been sitting with this concept of balance versus harmony. So when you think of like balance, there's always like some teeter-totter, and you know, and you're trying to find some equilibrium and you're checking in with give and take. And you know, I for and a lot of people are like, I really want balance in my life, like I want work-life balance, I want family balance with whatever. Like, and I the more I've been sitting with this idea of balance, I feel like I don't know if that's the best intention to try to have, have balance, because trying to do this, you'll be working a lot, like and really checking in. And so I've been thinking about harmony more than balance, because I feel like even if your life's like this with like work projects, and then life is over here, or life is lifing, and then you can't do as much with work. I still feel like there's a way to create harmony within those ecosystems of like, all right, I've offloaded these things to this person so I can focus on this, and and then I'm doing this over here, and that helps over here. And like, so creating a way to bring things into harmony without really checking in on the scales of things, uh if that makes sense. And so I feel like that's uh that's an invitation for me if I feel like I'm getting a whole bunch of tasks that I don't want or they don't really make sense with my end goal, or I feel like I'm starting to do other people's jobs or other people's roles, then that's an opportunity for me to try to bring the situation, not into balance, like, oh, you need to be doing all these things. It's like, how can how can I create harmony out of this? How can we work together to create the outcome that we want, even if there's there's different things that we have to be focusing on that are taking a lot of our time. Um, so that's that's how I would look at that is bringing it, bringing, bringing harmony into that. And um if that if you if this is making sense.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

I'm glad you're enjoying the podcast. Before we continue, I have a gift for you. Since 2016, I have read and listened to over 900 books so far. It's gonna be a thousand. And I organized them into a library and I hand pick the top 100 books I recommend to my clients, my friends, and the people in my community. Books on storytelling, language, and personal growth, and building something from your own life. If you're watching this podcast and you're looking for your next great read, this library is your gift, it is free. Go to asheralbertwright.com and check out the one thousand book challenge. This is my gift to you. Now back to the conversation. Okay, so so let me ask you this question. So have you ever over the maybe over the last five years, have you been in a situation where you did something really difficult or something that you were working on that didn't feel like it was in harmony with you at the moment or at the time?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yes, yes, I feel like there there was a time where I was giving, I was overgiving. I and I was entirely overgiving. And I feel like you for me, the the anchor point in wanting to be generous and overgiving is how you feel. And so if you're feeling that, like for me, if I'm feeling like, oh, this is making sense, like we're both on this winning path together, uh, yeah, this is cool. Like, happy to help. Versus now I feel resentment. Like I'm saying yes, but I resent it the whole entire time. That's showing me this is not how I need to be moving forward because that's that's a pretty heavy indicator of, okay, this isn't really supporting my path. This might be even taking away from it. So there was a time where I was just really into my people pleaser. Like I feel like I'm a recovering people pleaser. I've been, I would lean into that for acceptance when I was younger and uh looked at that as a way to maybe have people like me. If I was like, all right, yeah, I'll like go above and beyond and whatever, I'll help you out to the point where I was suffering. And so I started noticing that a couple of years ago, where I was just overgiving, overgiving with with relatives, with uh with overly helping, with financial things, with babysitting, with helping with projects and tasks, where the point where I would look at the vision that I wanted for my life and the the life that I was living. And those were two different things. I was I was starting to just go on a totally different path with how I use my time because whatever's in your schedule, that is the life you're creating. And so if you're looking at what you're doing every single day and that's not leading up to the life that you want, then you there's an opportunity to check in and be like, oh my gosh, like if you were to look at my schedule, you would think that I was a cleaner and a professional nanny. And nothing against those things. I ran a professional cleaning business for a while and I actually enjoy cleaning. Like, there's nothing against those things. But like, if you're but if if the life that you're building is, oh, well, I want to be one of the best nature-connected coaches in the world. I want to change the world through nature and personal growth. I want to be delivering keynotes on stages all over the United States and beyond. And then you look at your schedule and nothing in that reflects those goals, then it's time to rework how you're spending your time. And sometimes that might mean disappointing people, disappointing people that liked you when you were a people pleaser and liked you only when you were overgiving. And so that's that can that can cause some issues and you know, some, I don't know, like, I guess even some grieving and some some hard times. So like maybe notice there's certain relationships in your life that were only interested when you were a certain way, when you weren't living in your potential. Living below your potential is how how they how you could be in their life. And if you're gonna be striving for a better version of yourself, sometimes those those relationships, friendships, uh family members aren't gonna be a part of your new life because they can't uh they they just won't respect your new boundary of time and how you're and how what you're building, if that makes sense. So yeah, so I feel like that that was really hard. I feel like that's also growth though, where the more you start saying yes to the the life that you're building, then that also looks like no's to other people. And can you be okay with with that? And so that takes some integration in and of itself. It's like, wow, I just really want everyone to like me. But now I'm realizing like not everyone can like me if I'm gonna be dedicating myself in this way.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

I'm curious. I know you've you've been through a life. You say you're in your late 30s, and if you had to look back and figure out like what are what are what would you think one of the the hardest thing that you've ever done that's really, really like put you in that state of rapid growth or just beat you down? I don't know, what is the hardest thing you think you would that they've ever done?

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Face myself 100%, just face myself is the hardest thing I've ever done. I grew up kind of crazy, I moved around a lot, so I uh grew up moving over 50 times, was raised in 19 different states, lived everywhere from Washington State to California to New York City to the middle of Tornado Alley in Kansas. Like I have lived all over, all over the US in different cultures, different accents. I sometimes sound like I'm from Boston, sometimes I sound like I'm from Georgia, sometimes I say hello because I lived in California. So I'm kind of like this hodgepodge of all American from how I was raised. And it was not like my family chose to live that way. It was more my both my parents really struggled. My dad struggled deeply with narcissism and different sociopathic behaviors where he could have a lot of charm and get a job. And then the narcissistic sociopathic behaviors would come out and he'd be quickly fired. So wherever he was rehired, we'd just move to, and that was our life. Sometimes living in a place for six weeks, sometimes six months, sometimes one year. And the fastest one was six hours. Six hours. He was able to keep that job for six hours. And so that's it's it's crazy saying all this out loud. But like as a kid, when you're, you know, three years old, five years old, six years old, all these different ages, thinking you are maybe I'm from Texas, maybe I'm from California, maybe I'm from Utah. I don't know where I'm from, is where I'm from, where I was born, or the last place I lived. So it's a lot to navigate, and also just kind of like the violent nature of how how all this went down. I found myself as a teenager and entering young adulthood, understanding fully that the childhood and the life that I lived up into that point was not normal. There was a lot that was not okay. But now I found myself in a position where what do I choose from here? What do I do from here? I yeah, this is how this is how I was raised, but I don't have to, this doesn't have to be the rest of my life. Like I can change my fate, I can change who I want to be. And but because I grew up that way, I didn't ever have time to think about like who I wanted to be or who I really was. Like I was just what I needed to be to survive all that. And so that that was the time where I discovered personal growth for the first time. And personal growth, I had I didn't even know what that was. Like I had no idea, I didn't even know what personal growth was. I was like, and then so I started listening to Your Wish Is Your Command by Kevin Trudeau. It was like this 36 hour CD, CD, I'm a little I was listening to a CD headphones. And I just listened to that on repeat, and I was still living in my grandma's house with my family, and it was like so toxic. And they were like, What are you doing? Like self-help, like they really played self-help down. Like, if you did self-help, there was something wrong with you. And you know, so I kind of had that, but I'm also like, no, I was getting to that point. I'm like, no, like there's something wrong with you guys, like there's something wrong with me, and I'm not, this does not have to be my future. I kept thinking that like this does not have to be my future, like I can create my future, and I'd never had that thought before. I had never thought that, oh, I can create my future. Like, but once I had that thought, oh, I ran with it. I and I've been running with it ever since, ever since my my early teens, early 20s or late teens, early 20s, listening to even more programs, reading hundreds of books, and going to seminars, retreats, and then eventually becoming a trained coach myself. I feel like personal growth has completely changed and really saved my life and also a ripple effect outwards, too, with not continuing different cycles and patterns within my own family. I'm a mom, I have two boys and a husband. And I feel like choosing to work on yourself and invest in yourself is always going to be a home run investment. Always, because that becomes your anchor point for whatever else you're going to do in your life. And then working on yourself can also be really hard because you start noticing your own patterns. You start noticing the things that are not that great about you. And then like, I need to, I need to make a different choice. And choosing to make a different choice sometimes can be pretty difficult. Cause I look at it like your brain has all these different neural pathways, right? And your default mode network is if you look at it like rivers, that's a pretty strong river in your brain. Like I move every time and I'm always starting over and I'm always giving up. Type that river was pretty big in my mind. And so through self-help, I start creating like a new little stream, a new little stream of I can control my life, I can choose what I want to do, I can make a different choice. And then the more time, attention, and energy you put into that, the more that new neural pathway can start becoming your new default mode of operating. And so you can literally, you can literally change the way your brain even functions and and start kind of even like in the gin, start putting on those, putting in those reps, those pathways become stronger. And before you know it, you are living a totally different life, the one that is more in alignment with who you want to be and what you want to create. So I feel like that that's been my greatest project. It's been the most difficult thing. I've had ups and downs, and times I was doing really well, and times I was not doing very well at all, just questioning, being in sadness. And but at the end of the day, the more you keep putting in that that energy and effort towards who you want to be, it's only a matter of time before that pathway is going to become strong and start flowing like the river. And then your old way of being will start going into a trickle before you're like, wow, I had no idea I ever why I put up with that for so long. I don't know if anyone's gonna be like, well, how did I put up with that for so long? And that's because your whole, your whole neurological and nervous system pathways were wired to that. And that's why it felt normal. It felt normal until you start making changes and you can create a new normal.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

That's far for here's my curiosity. You mentioned something about what was not great about you, and I'm curious. What is that thing you discovered that was not great about you? And you're like, that thing gotta go. What was that?

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Oh uh reactivity. I was very reactive. I was an angry teenager with like the dark hair and the thick makeup, and definitely bracelets, like a little emo, a little not quite goth. Uh uh, couldn't afford the goth clothes, like goodwill goth. I don't know. Um, did my best and uh yeah, listen to angry, angry music. And at the time it felt really healing because I was like, there's someone else out there that feels how I feel. And and music is great, it can be great for processing, but I I was noticing that I was just just not, I wasn't the kindest person either. A lot of being around my and I have sadness around that with my siblings because I'm the oldest. I have a sister and two brothers, and we all grew up in this very reactive family. We are all reactive towards each other, and now we've all since like gone on to do our own things after leaving our family of origin, and we don't talk to each other, like it's very rare for us to connect. And I have a lot of sadness and regret over that. And I know, I know for me, it I wasn't the nicest sibling. There's just I was not. I I mean, and then and I can see it now because when you're constantly being yelled at by a parent or both your parents, or if you're in a very toxic situation, I feel like there's a meme about this too, where like your boss yells at you, and then you yell at your wife, and then the wife yells at the kid, and the kid like kicks the dog or something, like it just keeps it keeps traveling down. And so yeah, I if I could go back, I would have loved to figure out better regulation. So even if I'm in the thick of narcissistic abuse, not taking that out on my siblings. And even in my first uh couple of even relationships when I went out into the dating world, I was like, oh, it could have been nicer. There's a couple of men out there who'd nice. Um but yeah, but that's also, I mean, I look back on young Rachel and and you know, teenage Rachel, or you know, like going back into those points and just recognizing what's what was going on and that I feel like for the most part people do the best they can with what they know. And then and then, but that's but don't stay there. I feel like that's it's good to do the best with what you know and what you have and what you can do, but don't leave it at that. Like find opportunities to grow, find opportunities to improve, and and then the more you do that, the more you can have a new baseline. And so that's what I would say about that is I was very reactive. I was quick to yell, I was quick to even scream, which sounds weird now because I my husband, I've been married now 13 years. Hold on, yeah, 13, going on 14 years, and I've never yelled at him, like never. Like, I and I can't do it. Like I just cannot we, I'm I cannot communicate like that anymore. And I owe that a lot to personal growth. And now I feel like if and one thing I tell my sons, I have two boys, that um, when it comes to yelling or screaming or really trying to present your energy or your feelings in a certain way, I feel like most of the time, unless there's a fire, I'm like, is there a fire? Is there a bear? We live in Colorado and there's bears, and is there a mountain lion? Then no, the the chances are you can talk about what your big feelings are and what's concerning you in a normal tone. Like you really can start doing that in a normal tone, and you can express yourself that way without raising your voice. And uh so, unless it's an emergency, then I'm like, you yell, you yell if it's an emergency, like someone's getting you. I mean to be there. Um, but yeah, so that I feel like that's been a big growth for me.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Let's jump in some more, Maxim. Let me take this other one. All right. The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from self-negotiation. You no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it, just do it. You just do it. What comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01 41:13

Well, I don't know if it's I'm fresh out of coaching school, but I think of the change the the changes of or the the stages of change. The stages of change came to mind for me when you were saying that because it is just it is that like do something until you don't think about it anymore. And and especially if it's like a new habit you want to be doing. Uh I'm like that with the gym. Like, I want to be someone who goes to the gym. That was a habit I wanted to adopt for myself. And it was one that I struggled with growing up. I'd like I would go to the gym and then I wouldn't. And then I would go really good on my diet, and then I would just eat a bunch of chips or ice cream or gummy bears or all my favorite junk foods, chocolate covered almonds, like all those things. And so I feel like with starting to practice a new way of being, it can, it can take an extraordinary amount of effort at first, until you start getting those benefits in oh my gosh, like I feel better. I'm sleeping better, I have more energy. Now when I eat, now when I eat fried food or or fast food, I get physically sick. Like I cannot, I cannot do that unless I I know I'm gonna be like, all right, if I'm gonna eat this, I'm gonna be sick later. And so I feel like when those habits start becoming a new way of being, that's when you stop thinking about it because it's just who you are. Like I'm you're just becoming someone that like now I like eating organic, high prioritize protein. You know, I'm trying to eat my macro split. Like I didn't even know what macros were like years ago. And um, and so I feel like that when when you stop thinking about it, that's actually probably the biggest win. It's the biggest win because you have fully integrated and acclimated into that new way of being that you've wanted for so long, but it took a lot of effort to get yourself there. And that's okay. Like it can take a ton of effort to get to your new way of being. But once you're there, it's like coasting, you know? And uh, and then you're not thinking about it. Like I went to a concert and I walked around like, oh, maybe I need a snack, and like looked around at all the offerings, and and I knew like at every single one of those stands, I'm like, oh, if I eat that, I'm gonna feel sick. And it's just crazy because I used to eat like that as my default way, and I was never sick because my body was used to that. So um, so yeah, it just it it makes me think of the stages of change. And and it, I feel like it's also a hopeful comment. It helps me, and maybe someone else who might be listening that if you are feeling like you're putting forth a ton of effort into a new habit, it's only a matter of time before you won't even have to think. About it if you keep following through.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

Wow. You've been dropping a lot of wisdom here today, Rachel. A lot of wisdom. Okay, let's take the thing about this other one. If you ask for someone's feedback, you will get a critic. If you ask for advice, you will get a partner. What comes to mind when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_01 44:22

The first thing that comes to mind is agree and disagree. Agree and disagree. I I don't necessarily look at feedback as like a critic. I guess maybe it could be, but feedback can also be super positive. It could be super positive. We think of this in public speaking. Like every single week in Toastmasters, we have we have our public speaking segment and then we have evaluation of feedback. And I find the feedback portion of our meetings is always, always the most valuable to me. And even when I was in my coaching school putting in all my coaching hours, I loved hearing all the things that I did really well. And that was really good for me to note. That's feedback. Here's all that you did well. And then also here's all the ways you can improve, which I feel like is also very, very valuable because I don't, if I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing, or if I like tweaked it a little bit and I could get a better result, I would want that feedback. So I feel like feedback, it depends on, I guess it depends on your receptivity of it in a way, where I get I've got to a point where I don't really take feedback personally. So I feel like if you're looking at feedback as a critique or like criticism, then you might be taking it personally when I'm I my question to that would be like, how does that serve you? How does it serve you to take feedback uh in a personal way? I look at feedback as like an objective view of myself, like, oh, well, I didn't realize I was doing that. Thank you for letting me know I was doing that. So now I can move forward with this and make more informed, conscientious choices in how I speak or how I coach or you know, whatever I'm doing. And that comes into relationships too. I love it when my husband's like, hey, are you open to feedback? I'm like, okay. And that's actually that's a new phrase that we've done. We uh, because he's been in a personal growth path too. So instead, so early marriage, we just be like, Why are you doing this? And like, I don't like it when you do this, or whatever. And so now we've got to the point where when there are things that are bothering us about each other, we'll say, Are you open to feedback? And then we're getting permission. So we're like prepping the stage instead of just like firing away and then we're getting permission by saying yes. And then sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes, you know, he might be like, Hey, I've got like 30 meetings over the next couple of days. Can we not do this right now? And I'm like, sure, yeah, let's like do it when you have some more headspace. And um, so I feel like feedback can be a very positive thing. And then I have I have thoughts about advice because I I've trusted a lot of people that I felt like I shouldn't have. And so when I look at advice, I I tread very carefully with advice. And so one thing I teach my kids about advice is never take advice from someone you wouldn't trade places with. Okay. So if you're the person you're getting advice from, would you trade places with them with what they're giving you advice about? If the answer is yes, then take that advice. If the answer is no, then take it with a grain of salt. Thank them for their time and like have a nice day. You don't have to take that advice. Like when my fitness uh when my fitness coach gives me advice, I'll take it because I'm like, I want to be more fit. I want my body fat lower. Like, sure, I'll take this advice. But if someone else is like giving me advice about the course of my life, like like different relatives that come in and they're like, hey, you shouldn't do this, you should do this, or like, don't buy that house, or like whatever it may be. And I look at where, like how they're how they're running their life, or you know, their whole their whole life is a res, I look at with advice, their whole life and their whole personality. That's their resume, right? That's their resume. And so it's up to you to choose, do I want to hire this person for advice or not? Okay. And I, and I, and I, I'm more cautious with advice than feedback. And unless I'm really needing advice. And then to be honest, when I really, really need advice, I tend to go to a colleague or a professional where I'm like, hey, here's my situation. What would you say? Because that is somebody I would trade places with. I value their opinion, whether it's a financial advisor or a lawyer or a different type of coach or one of my old instructors. Yeah, whatever I'm asking them advice for, I would trade places with them for their knowledge bank. And if the answer is, oh, I wouldn't trade places, then their advice might take you down a path you don't want to go. So I feel like that's uh things to be aware of.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Yes. Advice could be a virtue or a vice. Depends on how you take it. Um but I'm not gonna add vice. I'd rather add virtue. Yeah. Um, no, but it's but you're you've been dropping some good wisdom here, by the way. You you want to roll, Rachel. Let me keep going. Let me give you some more stuff to think about. You want to roll here.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Resonating, all this.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's another one. Say people who do great things don't get a lot done each day. They get something done rather than nothing. What comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01 49:33

I think of compound growth. I think of compound growth with that. As long as you get something done every single day, like I get one thing done today and another thing done, and another thing done, and another thing. Before you know it, the gap between where you started and where you are now is going to be huge. Right. And I and I look at the one thing with it within that is the one thing. There's actually a really good book called The One Thing, and I can't think of the author right now, but that book is a really good book to help you dial in on what is the one thing you need to do every single day that moves you closer to your goals. And that could be different for everybody. It could be different, and it will be different for every sing everyone. And so as long as you do just one thing that helps you move towards your goals over time, again, that gap between where you where you began and where you are is going to be compounded. And then also it helps keep your focus because it's so easy to be busy. It's so easy to just be running around and like, all right, and I'm scrolling on my phone, and then I'm moving the laundry, and then I need to do dishes, and then uh something catches my attention over here. You can be totally busy all day long and not move towards your goals. And so when I hear that, it helps me remember that growth is growth, even if it is just one thing a day. And if it can be more than that, even faster. But if it's just one thing, even my business, I call it one wild step because that's what I think. For most people, it just takes one wild step. As long as you do one thing, the next day you can do another thing and another thing, and all that compounds over time. And that's I and I'm more of a fan of I call it kind of like slow medicine and slow growth or the quantum leaps. Like quantum leaps can be great for you if you integrate, because we've all heard those stories of I won the lottery and now I'm broke, or I've got this huge opportunity and then I lost it. And so what I really strive for when I work with different clients is to help them not just achieve their goals, but to hold on to it and not to lose what they've built. And I find that the slow growth and the acclimation works for a lot of different people. And then if people do quantum leap, we work on the integration and changing the inner way to match the outer way. Because if those two worlds don't uh are aren't in alignment and they're not embodied, then the the risk of losing what you've built and what you've created goes up. And uh, and that's important to me when I work with people and even with what I'm creating for myself, you don't want to lose your wins.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

I'm gonna tie it back to part of your story you mentioned earlier when you were moving so many times. No, I could see where the void was in your life and now it becomes a virtue because like I was losing everything that I I stopped, I move, I stopped, I move. It's like the caravan, it keeps going, and nothing that you want to carry with you can take with you. So now he's like, when you're coaching people, like hold on to what you got because it's vibe, because you couldn't, you was leaving a lot behind when you were growing up. So I can see that virtue now in your life. And I think this is this could be a quote from Rachel. It says, Growth is growth even if it's just one thing. I wrote that down. That that that's something you put the name on because that me that means a lot of people don't understand the little things add up over time.

SPEAKER_01 52:51

I love that you wrote that down. I love that you wrote that down because it is it is so true. And and I and I do see that. I do see that where uh but I also feel like sometimes there's this parable, uh, and I'm gonna butcher it because I don't know it well enough to really repeat it, but there's like this parable of this uh the I think it was like this Chinese or Asian man who has this son who falls off the horse. Maybe I know you're talking about then he like breaks his leg and they're like, What bad luck? And they're like, I don't know, we'll see. And then you know, it ends up not being recruited to the war, and then anyways, and so I feel like some things with loss can be like that too. So I feel like it can be a both and where where maybe you did build something and for whatever reason it did not go the way you thought, and then you lost it. Like, okay, so it could be it could be an integration thing. It definitely could be an integration thing where we could work on worthiness. It usually comes down to worthiness, acceptance, uh, working through feelings of shame. Like those things are some of the leading culprits in in when of success lost. Like, I didn't feel worthy of it, I'm ashamed of it. Um, and then so there's one thing, but two, it could be a way of if you're doing your one thing a day and you're and you're focused on on your goals, maybe that thing that you thought was was needed was holding you back in some way. And then now that that's removed, you have more space to keep moving forward towards your goals, or it might be a way of directing you towards what it is you want most. Like, oh, this this thing brought me so much clarity that, you know, I'm glad that this happened because of this. And now I understand more of what's really important to me and I can move forward doing that. Um, so I think it's kind of a both and, which is why I feel like it's really uh important to always be integrating, always be thinking about the different things that you're going through and finding some meaning making, maybe spend some time in nature. I find when I'm out in nature, I can get, I can hear my intuition and check in more with that inner compass than in other environments. And that might be different for everyone, but I do feel like taking time every single day to try to check in with your inner compass, your intuition, like whatever that might be, your soul force, everyone's got different names for this type of energy. But I feel like we all have a place of deep knowing within us. And the more we have that access and create access to that, we can have that discernment of like, did I lose something that was if that I needed because I need to work on myself, or did this get removed to help clear the path towards what I really want? So that's that's what comes to mind.

SPEAKER_00 55:40

She is wise. All right, we're taking on the whole you own, the whole you won. So you can't change your past, but you can change your story about it. How you feel about that statement.

SPEAKER_01 55:57

That is wisdom. That is wisdom. That's how I think about that. Because it's uh it comes down to that perspective, right? Like, I was the angry teenager, I was the angry teenager. Why do I have to keep moving?

SPEAKER_00 56:14

I still can't believe that. I I had never seen that lady in my life.

SPEAKER_01 56:19

I know, I feel so bad for the angry teenager within me. I'm like, it's okay. Like sometimes she comes out, and um, but I I look at that as that was my perspective at the time. Well, that was I and I had and kids especially can have limited perspective because where kids are soaking in things and different brainwave patterns are changing, and you know, there's sponges and there's so much going on when you're a kid. And and that was for me, that was my whole world. That was my whole reality. My I and I thought it was normal. I thought it was normal to live like that a hundred percent. Like, I had no idea people stayed in one place. And in fact, when people would tell me that, I'd be like, Whoa, that's super weird. Like, okay, like, do you like that? Like, do you like staying in one house? Like, ah, that I was like shocked, right? And I had this moment, I think it was with I was in when I lived in Kansas, and I think I was sixth grade when I lived there, and I went up to my teacher and I was like, Oh, it must be so hard for you all the time, like getting a new clash role with all the people that come and go. And she was seemed super confused. And then it hit me, I'm like, wait, her list doesn't change. It's my name that changes on all the teachers' lists all over the US. Like, yeah, I had like this moment of like, oh wait, okay, this isn't this isn't normal. So, and I feel like around that age, like 12-ish, that's when I started realizing like, I don't think a lot of people live like this. And and uh and I started getting curious on how other people lived and started kind of like doing studies of people around me. But um, what was your first question? I feel like I went on a tangent.

SPEAKER_00 57:59

No, you you you gotta go. That's say you can't change your past, but you can change your story about it, meaning that sometimes the past happened, but you can change the meaning, like what it means to you now because you're older, you got more perspective, like you said.

SPEAKER_01 58:12

Exactly. Yeah, so I went from that kind of I've around that age I started realizing this isn't normal. So I started get angry because I'm like, why do we have to live like this? Why are we moving against it? Interesting, yeah. And then started getting resentful of like, well, why can't my dad keep a job? Why does he yell so much? Like, why is he doing this? Or my dad also had a hard time with with regulating himself. So he was taking a ton of different prescriptions and he had a lot of side effects on that. And like, and so I'm like, why does he like feel like a pill is gonna keep him healthy? Right. And so I had a lot of questions, and I start like, ugh, I had so much, and even with my mom, too. I'm like, why are you putting up with this guy? And I was like, mom, like you, you need to leave this man. Like, you need to leave this man. This is not good for you. And uh, so I feel like that was my story growing up. I had a lot of anger. I felt like I was my potential was being stolen because I would work really hard in school. I, for the most part, I was a straight A student, even living like this, um, up until about the 11th grade. 11th grade, I kind of started giving up. I started, I was trying to graduate early and then we moved before I could. So it was like a lot going on of me trying to not have excuses about my family and create a that's all I knew. That's all I knew is like if I get good grades, maybe good college, I can get out of here, right? Like I'm like thinking of escape. Like, how do I escape? And uh two now, and even going through all the personal growth of like, oh my gosh, like, okay, I got to see the whole entire country. I not only did I visit most of the states, but I lived in them. Like that is that's perspective. I feel like I got a lot of perspective growing up and a lot of conflict resolution. I find myself doing conflict resolution and even high-level conflict resolution, where approaching topics maybe other coaches or facilitators might want to back away from, I find myself leaning in because I'm not it's something that's something that became normal for me, like a high-level conflict resolution, rupture repair of different containers, whether they're like a coaching container or a retreat container, really holding counsel. Like, I find that I don't back down from those opportunities when they come up. And I and I get really curious too. So I'm like, oh, I'm getting some good skill set here of really how to navigate rupture, repair, and holding counsel when it comes up and helping groups start to see perspective and get back into commonality when when something big happens, right? Um, so I feel like there is a lot of growth and perspective and then also a ton of opportunity because I feel like the story that I had growing up has provided a lot of opportunity because I've learned to transmute that. We kind of talked about that in the very beginning. Like, how do I start transmuting my stories of like pain or hardship or trauma into something beautiful and receptive to someone else to understand their own lessons and metaphors through the presenting of my story, right? So um, so I feel like my story was difficult, but it also provided everything I'm doing today. Like I don't think I'd be as interested in personal growth or coaching, or even I went and lived off the grid. Like I found this giant mountain, and I was like, oh, I want to buy this mountain. It's so beautiful. And and and I think about it like a girl that like lived all over the place. And I'm like, I'm not just like putting down roots, I'm putting down a mountain, like I'm not moving from this spot right here. And um, so I feel like it's been the the purpose and the and the motivation for a lot of who I am today with how I grew up. So I feel like there's always an opportunity to transmute the pain that you've been through or the traumas you've been through into something that can be meaningful, not just for yourself, but for others as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

This episode is sponsored by Live Chinese The Marketplace, the home for hard those who own their stories and their business, your book, your merch, your audience. One storefront, you keep 80%, you own your customer list, you build a relationship, real relationship with the readers. If that sounds like the way you want to run your business, visit lifechainwisdom.com. You are pretty good at expressing yourself, my friend. I like it, I like it. Here's another one. I wish upon you ample doses of pain and suffering. This is interesting, this one pop up now. Now, when you think about that, um, I think there's another quote. I think it's um Jensen one, yeah. Maybe he had another quote. It says, I don't like giving up on people, I rather torture them into greatness. So I'm seeing a tie in here. So, what are your thoughts when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:08

I feel like it with those perspectives, there comes usually some some anger, some suffering, some opportunities for growth. I feel like that's stage one. I feel like that some of those phrases sounded like stage one in growth. Because if you're really wanting this to happen to like if you're and I mean, I get it. I've been around people, I've been around people that do not deserve my time. And then people that are betray you. Like if you're having those mindsets around something, probably something big, like betrayal, or like in some of the rupture containers that I've helped with helped navigate. I feel like it's also normal to have big feelings like that when you're really hurting and when you're really suffering, to be like, man, I wish this person, you know, was never born, or like, why did this have to happen? Or this person needs to be in jail, or like you want some sort of justice. And I feel like that is, yeah, I feel like that's healthy. I feel like that's like some of the first stages of processing, you know, and and anger usually represents a form of love, right? If you're angry about something, that's like something within you is saying, uh, it's it's a signal of like, okay, I deserved better and I didn't get that. And and I needed love in this way, or um, and I didn't receive that, or I trusted this person and they betrayed me. And so it usually comes back to like when I think of anger, I think of love on the other side of that spectrum. Um, and that's usually when I work with different clients, that that is one of the underlying deeper needs. Like, I am so angry. Like, why are you angry? And then we like go down another level and we go down another level. And it's like, I just wanted to be loved. Like, I just wanted them to be there for me, right? So I'm like, oh yeah, let's like process that. So when I hear those phrases, I'm like, okay, this is probably stage one of a healthy response. And let's go deeper. Let's go deeper. And if you find yourself in those levels of like anger and processing, I would invite you to go deeper. Like, what's underneath that? And sometimes I'll do an exercise, like it's called the seven breaths. So, like, I'll close my eyes. Sometimes I'll go out in nature because that just helps me connect. It's might be different for everyone. A lot of people get ideas in the shower, like it just depends. Like wherever you get your ideas. And like, I'll take a deep breath and I'll do the seven times and I'll sit with this feeling of like, all right, what am I feeling right now? Anger, like, uh whatever that first quote was, like, that's the way I'm feeling right now. And I'll like sit with that. Then I'll take another breath and I'll ask myself again, what am I feeling now? Like, what's below that? And I'll try to go down seven times. And if you can go all the way down to seven, that's usually wisdom within yourself. That's like, that's the driving force for those feelings and addressing that, that root cause. I can really unlock a lot of understanding and support. So that's uh those would be my invitations for those things.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

You know, I I can't know what's inside of you until you share it, right? I can see what's outside of you, but what's inside of you until you open your mouth and say this is how I feel and so what I'm thinking, nobody will know. I love that deeper that deeper thing that you practice. All right, here's another one. We got we got a few more to go. Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask, is it true? At the second gate, ask, is it necessary? At the third gate, ask, is it kind? And I feel like it kind of tied to what you just mentioned just now. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:40

Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Yeah, I I feel like that's also uh wisdom, right? That's like getting that that discernment on whatever situation you might be in, family situation, work, whatever, and a good gauge for feedback too, or or in sharing your own opinion. And yeah, and that also makes me think of some wisdom that one of her other colleagues, Anna Reed, she said in one of her meetings, she gave some advice that some that that's reminding me of this of does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said right now? Does this need to be said right now by me? Right. So like taking something through those, that has also been really helpful. Like I feel like both those questions and the and the ones that Anna gave um that day have have really helped me under like check in with what I say in the circles that I'm in. Like, does this need to be said? Or like, and if it does, adding in a new a new layer, is it necessary? Is it kind? And and it really helps with one of my core goals that I've had my whole life, and it's been on vision boards, it's been on journals, and is I've really it's been important to me to try to figure out how to have the right words at the right time for the right people. And so I feel like that is also an exercise of help with that of is this the right words for the right time and are these the right people to hear them.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:12

You mentioned this earlier, but I'm gonna I'm gonna say it and see what has come to mind for you. It says, show me your calendar and I will tell you your priorities. Tell me who your friends are, and I would tell you where you are going. What pops in your mind when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:30

Yeah, that's I love that. I I think of I think of my kids. Those are things I tell my kids. My boys are 12 and 9, and I tell them that as well, because they're forming friendships, and and I've told them like it and it goes beyond that, right? And I think about that in my own circle of friends. The the five people you spend the most time with are your future. They're your social future, your financial future, uh, your activity future. And so paying attention to those five groups that you spend the most time with is also another thing to check in and um and see, like, oh, is this a good influence in my life? And if so, then cool. And if not, like, oh, maybe I need to decrease some time towards that friend group or whoever that person is. Um, and I tell that to my kids right now, like, and I didn't learn that when I was a kid. Like, I feel like I was I was a kid that was very easily manipulated. And uh, and that's something I'm still working on too today, where I am just very trusting. Like people would say something to me and I'd believe them. I'm like, oh cool. And uh and even now, even now, I how I trust people so easily. So I'm like working with that because some in some situations that's great. And then in other situations, it's good to trust, but also verify. Like, all right, I hear you, and then you like go check in and be like, all right, yeah, they check out. Um, and that can be, I mean, that it's so it's so needed. And I tell that to my kids too, because they've watched my husband and I also navigate situations of of we thought it was one thing and it turned out to be something totally different. And how much that's impacted both my husband and I and even our family dynamics too. Uh, so it's really important to to learn these things and have awareness on them.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:17

And no, that that's that's that's some good wisdom. Like understanding that your trust bank, I mean, sometimes it's it goes both ways because sometimes it's easy for people to deposit into your trust bank when you're open, when you're open. And it is depositing other people's trust bank because you're open to doing it. And I can relate to that because I'm also very similar with I trust people, because I understand that my heart has been broken so many times that I know my heart can take it. But I always get more out of life when I trust people because it's it's uh it's it's something that tells me how much I trust myself. Because if you tell me something and I found it's not true, I'm not gonna be so mad and crazy. I'm like, oh okay, it's not true. I'm gonna change it because my mind is malleable. So it's not like oh man, I just no, I got it. Didn't it it wasn't it wasn't true at the moment, let me move on. So it helps me to navigate life a lot more easier and indoor life because I can always adjust the the volume or the temperature because my trust is open and I understand me.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:17

Yeah. Oh yeah, and I think that's great. And um, and again, like I I mean my kid, I'm like oh my kids, but I'm like in the thick of raising them right now. And I feel like all that that's great for like them. I feel like yeah, they need to listen to Asher on this. Because it's true, it's true. It's it's there's kind of a balance and a spectrum of those things of like being open and like and having openness be a good thing of connection, but also also being cautious about certain things too, because that's that's the world, and it's just crazy. It's just some of the things that we've been facing lately. I've been like, wow, it's shocking and like eye-opening, but also lessons and and also learning to live through all the things. Like that's another thing I've been really focusing on for myself is noticing that all these things are are our life. Like I've been telling my son, because he really loves he really loves soccer, he really loves basketball, he's like playing piano, and and these are all things he wants to be doing. And then, but also he'll come up to me sometimes to be like, I don't want to do this, like I don't want to go to practice. I'm like, but you told me you want to get good at these things. And and then what I was what I've been talking to him about this is like noticing that this is living. Like, don't wait. Like, I feel like sometimes he'll look at my day begins after I've done all my things when I start playing video games. And I'm like, well, okay, that I get that. Like sometimes I feel like as adults, we can be guilty of that too. Like, my day finally begins after I've done my work day and I've cleaned the house and I sit down on the couch to like watch a movie. That's when my day begins. Like, and but the truth is your day begins right when you wake up. And finding those ways to fully enjoy and live through all the things that you're doing is what we're really here for. We're here in this life to enjoy, to live fully, to experience new things, to learn new things. All of that can be fun, and and there can be joy in all that in taking those moments to really live through your schedule and not get through your schedule. When we start getting through our schedule, that's when we stop living. And then why are we doing our schedule anyways?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:38

Beautiful. Here's another one says one of the most valuable things experience teaches you is what you do not have to worry about. So in your mind, what is playing out when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:54

Like good friends, like the the supports in your life, like the things you don't have to worry about are those, at least for me, those are those things. But but also I feel like a lot of these questions are like making me think both hand. Uh, because even if you don't worry about it, it doesn't mean they don't need to be checked in on at the same time. And that's one thing that I I learned too over this past year with my older son. He's like always really, really good with like everything. Like he's just, I don't ever worry about him. And then my younger son, who he like finds trouble, he finds it. And uh so I'm like, I worry about this one, and this one's usually pretty good. But but even then, um, I was noticing that my older son, I was checking in on him much less because one's like trouble. Well, he's so great, he's great, but he tends to just find himself in situations like parenting. And so that one thing that I was recognizing through that, and even with some of my friends too, that I don't worry about as much because they always seem like they're on the right path and they're doing good. And it goes back to what we were talking about with social media too, is there are those behind the scenes things that never get up to the front that you only get access to when you ask. And so that's one thing I've been noticing. Like, I don't worry, but then when I ask, I find a lot of their worries. And so I've noticed that maybe you don't worry about certain people because they have it all together, but chances are they have worries that they would be so opened to talking about through an invitation of like you, like asking. And then I'm like, oh wow, like I don't worry, but like I had no idea you're caring that much. So I feel like it's like a both and situation. Like it's good to have those people around that you just don't worry about. Like it's kind of like supports in your circle, but just because you don't worry about it doesn't mean that they don't have worries too. And so to remind to check in on them because maybe there's something there. And I feel like that's what a part of being, you know, a conscientious friend is about is like checking in on those on those relationships too.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:10

All right, all right. Let's move it down to the next phase, last phase here. Um this one is interesting. It says, Don't be the best, be the only. And in your state of being, how did that feel when you think about those words?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:27

I like it. I mean, I feel like we all can be the only, even if we're all doing something similar. And because uh we all have different stories, right? I have a different story than your story, than one of my other friends' stories, right? We all have different stories, we all have different specialties, and even within the same niche markets, there's still there, I feel like there really isn't this might be kind of like controversial, but I don't really think there's much competition when you look at life like that, right? There's abundance, it's an abundance mindset statement of okay, I'm the only coach that has these specialties that are pursuing it in this way, in this brand to these specific markets, right? And someone else could say the same thing because we all have different passions and we're all gonna focus on different things according to our passions, and we're also gonna become experts in vastly different things depending on our passion, right? So when I think of that statement, I think of abundance, I think of there's enough for everyone to become successful and it eliminates unhealthy competition. Because I do think that there is some healthy competition. It's good to have some motivation, some deadlines, like so whatever is going to keep you motivating moving forward. But the competition that is the most significant is you versus your past self, right? Like that is only a real race as long as I'm a little bit better than who I was yesterday, or who I was as the angry teenager or the confused child, right? Like the more I compete against different versions of myself, then I feel like that brings me closer to who I want to be and the markets I want to reach, the people I want to serve, and the family I want to create and the friend I want to be. It all kind of goes towards abundance mindset. And yeah, and I think that when I hear that, I would that's what comes to mind is abundance mindset. The competition is really just you versus your past self and keep moving forward to see what you're what competing like that will bring into your life, which I feel like uh helps unlock your potential. Like the only the only real competition is you versus you anyways.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:42

If you think about it, the the amount of time somebody picked you right is a telling sign that you are the only one because they could have picked somebody else. And if you think about just you talk about the stories like I've collected a bunch of data that I know nobody else has the exact sequence format layer of data like I have. So that means what I present to the world is gonna be different than you because if I perceive everything different from you, that means I'm unique. So then just gotta be you. And if you can be you, it doesn't matter about being the best, just be a quality you. And if a quality you can always get picked out of the crowd because somebody's gonna pick you, you've been picked before, so that means somebody cared enough to pick me. So that means if I have a message, so so saying that um sometimes it doesn't matter what the message is, people won't hear it until it comes from a specific person. Like if it doesn't come out of Rachel's mouth, it probably won't tune into my frequency the right way. So when Rachel says it, automatically I'm aware now. But somebody's been telling my whole life, I never heard him. Like your parents been telling you something your whole life, you never hear it. One friend shows up and says, Rachel, don't do this. And your parents are like, but I've been telling her not to do this whole life, but she you didn't hear it. But that person was able to hear it through them because they are the one that for the message for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:57

Oh, 100%, yeah. And that goes back into authenticity and being your unique self, right? Because there is only one asteroid, there is only one Rachel, and and whoever's listening, there is only one of you. And and that, and so many people are waiting for that story to come out, right? And so when when working with people in public speaking, and um that that's one thing I find super fascinating is getting that story, like if they're wanting to form their first keynote or their first talk or you know, whatever it is, like formulate that, get their story out of them in some way. So many people there, you have no idea who might be waiting for your story specifically. And hearing the details of that or that transformation or the lessons within that is that final piece for them to start finally moving forward in telling their story or moving forward in their own potential. So it really has big ripple effects in ways that we will probably not fully understand, but continually to follow that path forward just leads to to that exponential growth, not just for yourself, but for the people waiting to hear the message that you have in the only in the message that only you have.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:12

All right, we're gonna wrap up, Ray. So you've been on fire, my friend. But I have um I have four I have four questions that we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna warm up the ending with, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this. So the first question is um, what is a TV show or film you have found yourself returning to lately, if you don't mind sharing that?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:30

Yes, I love comedy. I love comedy. I love to laugh in my free time. If I am always looking for more and more reasons to laugh. So one show I watch every single week is Kill Tony. It is a comedy show on YouTube. It I love it just because of the laughs. I love it for the public speaking. You know, there's random people get pulled out of the audience and get one minute to do stand-up comedy. And I love it for the opportunity where I feel like it's kind of like American Idol, but for comedy, you know, like these people, if they do really well, then they could have their career just transform and take off. And so I like that excitement that it brings. And uh, and and yeah, if I can schedule at least two hours a week to just for laughs, like I think that's good medicine.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:14

That's wonderful. Second question: three books you would recommend to a friend right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:20

Yes. So one, uh, a book that totally changed my life is well, I guess there's a couple. So The Law of Success by Napoleon Hill. That book is awesome. I really love reality trans surfing by Vadim Zeeland. That's a super long book, but it really it's five steps to help you change your reality. Like it's it's super, super fascinating. There's a lot of case studies in there as well. Um, so if you're looking for real transformation, that's a good place to go. And then since I mentioned it earlier, really quick, the one thing by Gary Keller and Jay Popassan. Popasson, that also book, since we were talking about that today, that can help you get clear on what is your one thing. What is the one thing that if you were to do that every single day, it would change your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:13

Bingo. Next thing here is a product or tool you have been using that has been a game changer for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:22

Yes. So I feel like the the biggest product or tool right now that's been super, super helpful are getting things automated. So I have like AI automations for meetings and uh using different tools to help link things and my schedule together. I feel like there's a huge opportunity right now to really start integrating AI and what you're doing and then helping to offload, I guess, non-creative tasks so you can stay in your creative element. Where if I'm not worried about syncing up calendars and then getting notes or or synthesizing data, I can focus on working with clients or uh working on things that I really my one thing, working on my one thing every single day. So I feel like that, and especially right now, there's so many options out there. It's finding whatever tool works best for you and what you want to create and bring into the world. But I feel like this is a great time to start bringing in ideas, business, and creativity, utilizing different things that can help make it easier.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:26

And last but not least, uh, a community you have been finding real value in.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:32

Community can make all the difference. I feel like right now, the two communities that I found the most value have been in Toastmasters. I've been in that organization, going into five years soon, finishing that should be next year, around four or five years, just because that helped me find my voice, start using it, start practicing my my own storytelling, learn how to tell my story. And then also the coaching and the pathways program and the speech writing and the practice helped me with my TED talk. So from joining Toastmasters to my my TED talk was six months. So I was able to, and I went into the organization with that goal. I also did private coaching through one of the members in our club at that time. So between the club and one of the members, I was able to reach that goal in six months' time. So I feel like I have a lot of, I guess, respect and cherishing of that organization because it helped me with that goal. And then also my school community has been huge right now, too. Um, I went to school at the Earth-Based Institute out of Boulder, Colorado. And uh so my different colleagues as an alum, connecting with them and talking about uh just different things in the coaching industry to just keep growing, keep evolving, and keep having those hard but important conversations to keep the personal growth industry uh just fresh and relevant and with all the necessary tools to really help people to continue to transform. So it's not we're always looking at like different ways and different things with the brain and change and parts work and grief training and it's very comprehensive. And I and I love being able to connect with this community uh for myself and also referring out different specialties too to different clients that may have special needs. So I feel like having a really good public speaking community and a really good professional network, those are my two places that have really give given me a foundation to just keep growing and keep doing the things that I love.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:34

And here's the almost final question. I said when you think about portion that's in five chapters, what chapters are you in right now? And what street are you walking down?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:45

I'm down a new street. I am going down a new street right now. I feel like last year, I feel like last year I went down the same street, but I went around the hole. Um, and this year, so I feel like I'm like freshly into going down this new street. It's really exciting to just notice that in my own pattern recognition as we were talking about is when I look around, yeah, I'm going into the unknown. When you're when you're going down the new street, you're going into the unknown, right? You've been going down the same road for years and years and years. You know what to expect. You know, you pretended the hole wasn't there, and then you fell in it, and then you saw it, and then you went around it. But then when you choose to go down the new street, you are going into the unknown. And that can be a little bit scary, it can be a little bit exciting, and uh, and it can be fresh. And you there's a lot of possibility and choice, and then also more wisdom to continue down that street or or choose another one. Uh, but I definitely feel like that's where I'm at right now with what I'm bringing and with my with my business and with speaking and um with the conversation we had today.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:49

There's something else to think about with that that that uh portion as a poem is that you're gonna own a new street, but then there's gonna be a new pothole on this that new street. So then so then it's like the cycle, the cycle could start all over again, but this time it's it's gonna be are you gonna be in one, two, three, four to five, or you're gonna be one and then you're gonna get to four and five? Or I'm like, you gotta figure out how you all you recover from because you're gonna fall in new potholes on a new street. Yeah, stuff go blindside you, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:22

Oh, yeah. And I think that goes into what we were talking about with trust, right? Like, all right, I see another hole. Am I gonna go around this one, or is this one like a portal to a new realm? Like, no, it's not a portal. Like, do not go in the hole, right? Yeah, so and that's wisdom. Like, like, all right, I've already done this before. I'm seeing the signs, I do not have to do this again. I can do something new. And I and I feel like that is when, like, if you look at life like a school, sometimes I think about it like this. Like, if you look at life like a school, uh, all the challenges that we get are like lessons. And I feel like the moment we stop getting the same challenge, because I don't know if you've ever noticed of having like a challenge that's different than this one, but it feels the same. Like it's different circumstances, but like the the emotional feel of this challenge kind of feels similar, like, oh, I've done this before with different things. Uh the I feel like the moment I've learned from that experience fully, I'm not faced with it again. Like I'm faced with something new. And so I look at God like, oh, I finished that lesson. Like I finished the cycle. Like I don't have to face this anymore because I I fully understand it. I'm aware of it, I can see it coming a hundred miles away, and I can go on a different street. Um, but until then, then it might be like, oh my gosh, like I did it again. Okay, well, it just I'm gonna learn now. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna, I I noticed it was different this time because it looked a little different, but it really was the same thing. And so I I like thinking of it like that. If you feel like you're you've been working with the same problems on repeat, make a different choice. Otherwise, you're gonna keep getting the same problem on repeat till you've learned from it.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:01

Okay, to rap, what will you say your biggest takeaway from this conversation?

SPEAKER_01 1:30:06

Oh wow. Ah, this is good. I feel like I mean, the biggest takeaway from the our whole conversation. Oh yeah, I feel like the biggest takeaway will be the one thing, like doing one thing towards your goals, anchoring in on what that one thing is, because if you do just one thing a day, that can change your life, whatever it is. So I feel like that that is my biggest takeaway from today. Do the one thing, take the one route step.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:36

It's been a pleasure, my friend, chatting with you. We we can chat for hours, you know that already. Um, you drop a lot of wisdom today, and I feel like um anyone that hear hear your voice today and resonate with you, definitely have a friend in you because I know you you like to help people already. Something I know you you wake up with every morning in love with taking care of people. So, because you you a giver, I know you've been a giver for the whole time. So, thank you so much and make it an utterly, utterly fantastic weekend.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:02

Thank you so much, Asher. This was awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:05

All right.