SPEAKER_00 0:00

I don't want to stay where someone thinks or where I think I'm supposed to be for other people. And so for me, it's like I want people to see the real me. I want people to get a sense of my truth, my playfulness, my excitement, my power, my energy, and feel proud of showing up as who I really am. Because I think that if I present myself in any way that's even watered down or that's showing up for another person, it's not really going to let them perceive what they're meant to receive. I think we're all medicine for each other. I think that's why a lot of relationships fail as well. A lot of friendships fail because we tend to, as like humans, uh, want to be accepted and we put that acceptance above a lot. And when we prioritize acceptance over being ourself, it usually leads to some issues down the road.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Today's guest is Ali Vaya, an empowerment coach who helps people come home to their truest self. At the start of 2024, Ali ended the relationship she thought would become marriage. She left the home she shared. The business felt like it was missing something, and the safe version of her life needed to shift all at once. In her 30s, at the age people are told to anchor down, she did the opposite. She put everything in storage and left the country with a friend. She followed one good feeling after another. London on the 15th of July, in Scotland, Portugal, Spain, gonna pull back to Costa Rica. She couldn't explain to the same small town she had already visited. Because something told her that was where she was meant to be. Today, we're talking about surrender. Not the giving up kind of surrender. The kind where you let an ending be an ending so the next dream can begin. We get into the resistance that comes with being fully seen, the distance between the head and the heart, and what it costs to say the true thing out loud. If you're standing at the edge of a leap right now and you haven't taken a step yet, this one is for you. Welcome to the Memories of Millions Podcast. You might be standing with your bags packed, staring at life you haven't started yet. You can see it from here, you haven't walked out the door. Or maybe you're waiting for the right moment. The right moment doesn't show up on its own. Or maybe you already walked out. You left what didn't fit anymore, you built something new, and now people start to ask about it. You told someone the truth about why you left, and they nodded. Either way, you're standing at the door right now. Behind you is what's ending, ahead of you is what's waiting. And new life sits on the other side of it. The only question is whether you walk through or turn around and unpack the bags. Stay with us for this conversation between Allie and me on the Memoral Summions Podcast. So, Ali, welcome. We're doing this again. How you doing, lady?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Yes. The theme of our conversation today is gonna be around surrender. And I think um I wrote down a little definition for myself about surrender, and it's pretty much was surrender is letting an ending be an ending, releasing the life that no longer fits, so the next dream can start without falling asleep on the wind. When you hear that kind of opening, what's your definition of surrender when you think about that word?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yes. Well, I love the word surrender. It's been a leading topic in my life for quite a while now. And um, the part that stood out to me is like where the the beginning and the ending meet. Uh, surrender feels like sometimes where resistance will meet an edge and you find freedom or you find liberation in something, surrender to me also is an acceptance of what is and not putting your expectations, your desires, your needs onto whether it's yourself or another person and actually looking at what's in front of you. And I found that when you live in a sense of surrender and you allow while also being open to the experiences of things shifting and becoming what they're meant to be, life becomes a lot more creative, a lot more exciting. Uh you kind of never know where it's going to go because you've let go of the control that you um normally hold on to. And so surrender is a doorway, it's a pathway into a beautiful unknown.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Surrender it is. You know, I I love thinking deeply about surrender. And oftentimes I think we we think about the white flag, right? Like I gotta bend the knee. Like I'm I'm I'm waving a white flag, I'm bending a knee when I think about surrender. But when I also think about surrender, I'm I think about it as it's like like the between the past and the future, right? Something that needs to be let go of. So I'm surrender it to history, and then I'm gonna surrender to the future that's pulling me forward. But sometimes, you know, we want to hold on to that thing and not want to let it go, and it's like, let me release me, let me go. Or the person's like, like, like our time is up, time for you to go, but it's very hard to let that go. Have you been in a situation where you had you felt like surrendering up something that you thought was supposed to be, but it wasn't? It was very hard for you to let go of.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Definitely. I I can list off um uh a lot of situations where I fell into that. I think one of the ones that caused the most pain for me was not surrendering to the ending of one of my past relationships. It seems that when you have so much emotional connection to someone, and what I've noticed within myself and within clients is we create such an amazing storyline of what we desire this future outcome to be. We get even down to the detail of how that wedding will go or the future house or how the kids might look to where you create such a reality, a future reality that truly doesn't exist yet, that when there's any signs of struggle or breaking of that uh being presented to you, you you choose not to see it or you choose to ignore it and look for what's positive. So there's a lot of times where when you're not surrendering, you're you're not really truly looking at maybe those red flags or yellow flags that are waving in front of you. And because you're so focused on what it is that you've created in your own mental reality. And so I think relationships for me have been a really big window and mirror into what it looks like to surrender and not to surrender, and also where so many people lose themselves.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Okay, so you know, I'm reminded of this this quote. I think I shared before it's um said the the the mind can live in fantasy, but the the body lives in reality. And sometimes we can we don't want to surrender to reality because reality sometimes is not the greatest on our on us. So we kind of project into fantasy.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Yeah. I I feel like that's a very common struggle that a lot of us are currently inside of where we aren't happy with our current reality. So we create mental constructs of of what that could be. Um, and so we tend to find more comfort in those creations. And we see it a lot with um some of the, you know, maybe more polarizing topics of when is like, you know, watching TV too much, playing video games too much, watching porn too frequently, things that take you outside of your own current reality and put you in the fantasy of somebody else. We say, I mean, there's a reason why reality TV got so popular because we're able to dream and fascinate on things that aren't really true. Um, and it it's it allows us to create a life where we don't have to look at what's what's happening within.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

I'm glad you're enjoying the podcast. Before we continue, I have a gift for you. Since 2016, I have read and listened to over 900 books so far. It's gonna be a thousand. And I organized them into a library and handpicked the top 100 books I recommend to my clients, my friends, and the people in my community. Books on storytelling, language, and personal growth, and building something from your own life. If you're watching this podcast and you're looking for your next great read, this library is your gift. It is free. Go to Asher AlbertWright.com and check out the One Thousand Book Challenge. This is my gift to you. Now back to the conversation. We we we are not gonna fight the universe. If the universe wanna wanna play games, let it play games. Yeah, I'ma I'm gonna jump into the maxims. I'm gonna jump into the maxims, I'ma see um I'm gonna see what what what pops in your head when you hear these maxims. Uh-huh. And we can talk about them. And I'm gonna start with the one that says, um The end is the last stop of one journey and the start of a new dream on the flip side. Celebrate the ending too long, and the new dream leaves while you sleep. What story pops in mind for you when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

It reminds me of the what felt like the end of an old chapter of my life as I've walked into the beginning of a new one. Um, towards the end of 2023, I ended a long-term relationship and I had endless opportunities in front of me. I think I mentioned before that I wanted to travel the world, I wanted to rent a camper van, I wanted to go live in a different part of the United States. I mean, there were just like all these really cool um life callings that I've always desired to do while I was in a partnership and never really got the opportunity to. So when that happened, um, I knew that I had to leave everything behind to felt like go on like this pilgrimage, this soul search of who I really was and what I really desired. And um the ending of that time of my life was the beginning of this new chapter of becoming a digital nomad, um, exploring the world in new ways, living abroad, um, starting different like relationship style dynamics, uh growing my career. Uh it was really the beginning of an expansive time of my life.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yep, being uh because I grew up in Jamaica. So I don't leave Jamaica. I came to the United States, I joined the military, then I was stationed overseas a lot. But I loved all of it. I just love being away. And there was one thing that I kind of enjoyed when I was uh overseas too. Is that um we always like joke around like the Americans stick together when they're overseas in America? They probably like eh, but then when you go overseas, like these are the only people I know. Then you kind of like you find yourself just kind of coming closer to each other. I remember when I was in South Korea and we used to go out partying all the time. So when you go out and you see like Americans, like, alright, now I see people. Then you just hang out with them and and do your little partying, but it's it's uh we stick together overseas. Oh, I think it's a beauty about coming together when you work when you're in a foreign country. So, how's your experience being in the in the foreign countries that you've been in?

SPEAKER_00 12:31

It's been pretty incredible. So, right now, I currently live in Costa Rica in a town called Nasara, and I absolutely love living there. It's more of an ex-bac community. It's a small town, like in off-season, there's like five or six thousand, and full season there's a couple thousand more. And it's like you said, mainly Americans or Europeans. So English-speaking countries love to visit because it's very accessible. And I've found the locals are so loving, so sweet, um, very open with how they love to live their life. And it's technically a blue zone, which is also really exciting because um people just live a really long time there and they really embody happiness and love within their hearts and how they present in their day-to-day activities. I've also noticed traveling through Central and South America, there's just a lot of life. Um, I spent quite a bit of time in uh some European countries as well, which um most of them are Spanish speaking or like Portuguese, and it's a similar energy. It's more of a celebratory energy. You go, you live life at your own pace. And I've noticed that because people are happier, you get you get treated more lovingly and um people love to talk. You know, it's like you you recognize uh when I'm back in America, how short conversations can be or just the lack of conversation. And when you go abroad, it seems like people really want to get to know you, and not all countries. Some are definitely a bit more conserved uh or reserved with their conversation, but I've noticed there's a lot more exploration and um wanting to truly get to know each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

I'm gonna stick here a little bit and I'm curious. I'm curious. You see, you've been to a lot of Spanish-speaking countries. Do you speak Spanish?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

I've been taking lessons for over a year and I still am not good at it. But yeah, I I can a little.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Can a little? Uh no, no, no. It's it's interesting because I remember when I first like when I when uh when I went to Germany, when I was stationed in Germany, I started off like trying to learn German. Because it was like, okay, well, if you're gonna be here then trying to learn the language. But then I discover a lot of the German friends that make they all speak English. So then I was like, no, but I don't need to learn German because my friends they do speak English. So it's interesting. Um, do you run into a lot of Spanish speakers that speak English where you where you visited?

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Yeah, you don't have to speak Spanish to live there. And Costa Rica is very bilingual. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I mean, it's it's it sounded interesting, like like they were like, Well, you know what, we're gonna kind of kind of gear towards this population of people. You see English come to Costa Rica, we got a place for you right here.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Oh yeah, they're definitely calling Americans to Costa Rica.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

All right, so I got I got another maxim. So here's here's the other one. So say the truth thing out loud more than you keep it uh safe in your head. On the flip side, hold the truth in too long and you forget the sound of your own voice. What story pops in here when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_00 15:46

A current truth that I am looking to expand upon uh more so in an outward way. Uh I've explored it deeply within myself. Uh is just my path and my journey towards being a priestess, bringing a being a tantrica, really stepping into sensual and sexual empowerment, being a coach in those areas, even though they're a little taboo and a little spicy for a lot of people to talk about. And it's been a really hard journey for me inwards to be seen outwardly in that way, just based off of projections and assumptions that people like to make. And I become very devoted to living in these traditions and showing up for myself in a way that feels the most spiritually connected. And I really want to share or continue to share my truth because I do. But I am in that pivotal space right now where if I keep this in my head, it feels like I'm gonna be like a closeted version of myself. And I want to break out of that closet, break out of the stigma of how I should or shouldn't act or be perceived, and really step into my truth and what those truths are. So it's interesting because I want to see past the illusion of the physical world that we create and help people see like what I see, which is a space of so much beauty and love and unconditionality and playfulness and excitement. Uh, and I feel like there's like a lot of that lacking and missing in today's society. There's a lot of healing that has to happen for people to get there still as well.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

When you were talking, you mentioned the word closet. I am thinking, how how do you surrender to the outside of the closet? Not the inside of the closet, but the outside of the closet. How do you find yourself surrendering to what's outside of the closet for you?

SPEAKER_00 17:50

I feel that it's just really connecting with the depth of my true humanness. So all parts of me, the unaccepted or ugly parts, as well as the beautiful parts and the celebrated parts, and being being okay with whatever outcome it brings, and also being true to the belief that I hold that as you are more of who you present your, like as you embody more of who you truly are, that is what's going to bring you closer to accomplishing your goals and your purpose in life. And so as long as I walk that path of becoming more of my true self, I inevitably believe that I'm going to achieve everything I desire.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Okay, let's try another one. This one says, uh, live the life you want more than the life that keeps other people's other people comfortable. And the flip side is shrink your life to fit other people, and you end up, I guess, in it. What story pops in your head for that?

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Well, I'm going through a really interesting time right now with my social media. And right, that brings up this idea around shrinking myself to not be too much to fit into the mold of other people and like what makes them comfortable. And I've always been a very open, sensual person, you know, my prior years, I did professional bodybuilding. And, you know, it's like if you go back, it's like all my photos are me, you know, in a bikini or doing a photo shoot in sexy clothes or whatever it might be. And I've always really embraced the feminine body and celebrated it in just so many unique ways. And so today, in this current reality of uh who I am and what I'm wanting to build in my business, and I feel like I'm hitting this wall at times of what's too much. And really, I would like to be my full expression and post whatever the heck it is, regardless if it makes other people uncomfortable. So when you say that, it brings me to this truth I'm sitting with right now is if nobody else was watching, if this was like my life for me, lives with a hundred percent vulnerability and authenticity, like what would I be posting? How what would I be saying? How would I be showing up? Yeah, that's what feels alive for me.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

The past. I was speaking to somebody else about, you know, like when we transition from the different identities, right? Like you're moving into a new space and the thing that that that represents you for a certain period of time, and then you move into the next life. It's like it's we feel guilty about sharing it because, for example, I'm gonna go here with this piece. Sometimes I have a conversation with people that are like spiritual, right? And they eulogize like characters in the Bible, and they speak highly of these characters, and these characters have a lot of flaws, just like them right now. A lot of flaws. But they eulogize this character and then speak highly of them in different ways, but then they they're ashamed of talking about their own history, their own past. Like, wait a minute, it's the same as theirs. But when you're in the middle of your story, then you feel like, oh, can I share this? Can I not share this? But then these characters, you can see their whole life because it's written out, but your life is no different. Yet you put shame and guilt and all these different things on it when he's like, wait a minute, talk about it. It's part of your history. Because if if something happened tomorrow, for example, if somebody go and delete your entire social media right now, delete all your pictures. How would you feel about that? Will you miss it? If somebody go in and delete all your memories that maybe you don't want to think is share, would you miss it? How would you feel? Will you still feel like you? And that is a challenge. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 21:38

I definitely went through a phase where that challenged me deeply, the sense of identity, and like, yeah, who would I be if I didn't have that? And I would say there was definitely a deep attachment to that for for a long time in my life and the perception or the identity that I created, especially for people to see. And then once that dissolved, especially when I had to give up my identity that I wasn't ready to give up. It made me look at the lack that was truly driving the identity in the first place. And so now I would say that I live in a place within myself where I don't feel controlled by it. I feel that if all that was to go away, I would still be able to start from scratch and like know my sense of self and maybe even come in stronger because there isn't a past. There's I think there's a beauty in letting like letting the past go so you can focus more on who you currently are. Yeah, that's it's tough.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

I would say our past is what makes us stronger.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

And if you remove the thing that is a part of your ingredients, right? They maybe not some of them might not be the highest ingredient, but they are part of the ingredients. If you remove those ingredients, would you still feel like you? And that is that is the challenge. I mean, like appreciate the thing that got you here, right? However it might be, because it is the thing that's part of your foundation. To get to the next level, if you remove it, you're gonna fall back. So I say appreciate the past. Let's let's jump into another maxim. Um, this one says let people meet the real you more than the version you clean up for them. On the flip side, lead with the cleanup version and they fall for someone who is not there. What comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

To me, that makes me feel into my life. Like I um I don't want to stay where someone thinks I'm or where I think I'm supposed to be for other people. And so for me, it's like I want people to see the real me. I want people to get a sense of my truth, my playfulness, my excitement, my power, my energy, and feel proud of showing up as who I really am. Um, because I think that if I present myself in any way that's even watered down, or that's showing up for another person, it's not really going to let them perceive what they're meant to receive. I think we're all medicine for each other. And so at the end of the day, if, you know, you as Asher is just showing up as half the version of him, maybe the thing you were meant to say wasn't said, and I wasn't positively or negatively impacted by it in the way I was meant to be. And every interaction we have holds so much power. And so, yeah, I I put that to a very like high, like a high value of mine is to not be someone or let someone perceive me in a way that's not really true. Like I just I think that's why a lot of relationships fail as well, and a lot of friendships fail, because you uh we tend to as like you know, as humans, uh want to be accepted and we put that acceptance above a lot. And when we prioritize acceptance over being ourself, it it usually leads to some issues down the road.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Oh man, you're speaking wisdom right now, by the way. Yeah, you speak you're speaking wisdom right now because uh that that is so true when it comes to the the nature of us to be want to be in community in a group. But if you think about it, how many how many people do you need? Like I I'm I'm from a big family, I have five brothers and three sisters, right? So so when I think about where do I fit in? How are you trying to fit in? I'm like, you only need so many you only need probably this like five people, probably, right? You probably just that that many people you need in your life. So then how much do I have to adjust myself for five people versus 50? Yeah, you know, only small adjustment. So then when you're trying to please the crowd, then you feel like you're not you. When you're like, wait a minute, these are my people, they understand me. I'm showing up as me. And then you can eliminate the people that doesn't want don't want to be around you because yeah, you're not fit, then go. But I'm gonna be me today because if today was my last day, would I be proud that I show up for myself?

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Definitely. I agree with that a lot.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

Let's try another one. I like this conversation by the way. Trust to pull towards the new more than the comfort of the known. Stay where it's safe, and safety slowly become a cage. Ooh, talk to you about the cage. What are you thinking? What pumps in my eye for you?

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Yeah, there's a story from when I I wouldn't say just started my spiritual personal development journey, but towards the beginning. And I was doing a tarot poll, and it's the archetype deck, if anyone's familiar with it. And uh, it's a really cool, really cool deck. And I pulled uh the card the box. And I remember in that moment there was this awareness shift that up until maybe recently in my life, in that area or that time of my life, that I put myself in a box. I became everything I thought I was meant to become, and I achieved all these really big freaking goals. I was also kind of in the beginning or in the beginningslash a year or two into that identity shift we were talking about. And so I was seeing that like, man, if everything I created was kind of on like a box of lies in the sense of like not really coming from abundance and truth, but more so from like need and desire and not feeling good enough or, you know, like wanting to achieve, needing to be successful, needing to appease this person's opinion of me. When I allowed that to start to dissolve in that moment when I pulled it, I saw the box around me and I saw how deeply it affected my entire life, my entire personality. And I remember thinking that I never wanted to go into a box again. And so I thought to myself, what's the best way to prevent putting yourself in a box? And it is following your excitement. Like what actually drives you? What excites you when you wake up? What's the one thing you want to do the most every single day? And if you were to choose yourself and choose your excitement and choose the wisdom and the intuition that's coming to you over everything else that may have balked you in originally, um, like where would you go and who would you become? And so that's exciting for me because I I like what do I crave, what do I desire more of? And how do I move towards that? So I make sure that I'm it's almost like I'm building my queendom versus boxing myself into what I feel like it's supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

If you have to pick which one of these you would align number one, number two, number three. So freedom of time, freedom of purpose, freedom of relationship, freedom of money, yeah, freedom of time, purpose, relationship, and money. Which one would be you will see at the top of your list right now?

SPEAKER_00 29:24

That's so hard because freedom's a top value for me in like everything. Um I think time because it allows me the space to choose how I want to proceed, whether that is in like relationships or purpose and finances. I can see how finances would be really interesting. Like I I would say that I've never been truly free in finances, meaning like making so much money I've never had to think about money. Also, I feel like in relationships uh if you choose the right relationship for you, it should feel like freedom in a lot of ways. So I I think I'm um yeah, I think time would be would be the one I choose.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

I noticed you didn't mention purpose. So this this is I'm gonna go there, so since you didn't mention purpose, the other ones you thought about, but purpose, freedom of purpose, what is your purpose right now?

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Well, freedom of purpose is very important. I think that with time, purpose reveals itself because you have space to listen. My purpose right now, if I'm gonna get like extremely chunked up to the very, very, very, very top, I feel like my purpose is to truly understand unconditional love and also to truly help the masculine, whether that's masculine as in men or masculine energy. I feel like I'm really meant to change the dynamics and the shifts towards whether it's a woman who's stuck in perfectionism and overthinking and the hustle culture of like, I don't need anybody type energy, or the man who's, you know, lost and sad and stuck in shame and guilt, or he feels like he has no one to talk to or is sexually repressed. Even the woman who is dealing with sexual trauma or repression, bringing people back into healing those parts within themselves to where it's like they realize that it all comes down to unconditional love. And I feel that my path to get there is always shifting and changing. Um, but that's almost a 35-year-old woman. That's the um the purpose that I've come to so far.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

No, this is you're taking on a formidable task, which is to at least the the masculine piece, because yeah, I forget I was talking to about the oh yeah, I was talking to another supposed to be a podcast guest. But we was talking about the quote I shared with her was that now there's a quote that says the longest journey a man has to travel, travel is 18 inches from his head to his heart. So it's like the journey for you know journey from from the head to the heart or the space where the woman dominates is in the heart space. But if the if the world has pushed you into the head, push you into the masculine space, then it's very difficult for you to be in that space. And it's like, well, journey back to the heart, because that's where your energy, your energy dominate the most, right? So when you think about the journey from the head to the heart, what shows up for you?

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Well, for other people, I love assisting and facilitating it because I know without a doubt, there's an unconditional amount of love for every single person to feel and to hold within their heart. It just has to be opened, it has to be felt. It has like you have to believe that it's even possible. And I feel that a lot of us have turned it off, whether like regardless of the situation. And I don't believe many people realize how far away from their heart they really are. And like when you said the further furthest journey is 18 inches, it's kind of comical because it's so true. It's like, um as a woman who's deeply embodied in understanding these polarities and of energies, when I meet a man who is in his heart in any capacity, it's it's so evident. It's so obvious. And for myself, um, like my journey to my heart has been a hard, long one. You know, I I truly believe, you know, there are people who are sent here with so much love already and gifted like the most amazing family and hold this purity. And then for a lot of us, we're given really hard circumstances to figure it out within. I do believe like resistance and friction creates so much understanding within if you're able to look at the lessons and the learnings and not harp on where the pain is, where you're able to sit and hold the pain and process and let it go to see, okay, why did this happen in the first place? So for me, um, I was around the same time like the tarot was happening, my identity shift. I did a meditation um hypnosis with my coach at the time. And I remember he he brought me down. It was after ending almost a 12-year relationship that I hardened myself in. I became the masculine, but a very toxic version. And I remember feeling into my heart, and we did some release work and some energy work, and I just in that moment like saw my heart crack open in a way I've never felt. And I just remember thinking, like, how outrageous is this? Like it, like it, I didn't even know it was possible to like sense and feel myself in such a magical way. And, you know, I've grown up religious. I had like the most epic love with my last partner, you know, but it just like nothing really uh matched the self-understanding of a heart of your heart being open. And since then, um I've experienced so many beautiful moments where it feels like my heart's just cracking open more and more and more, to where it's like, even just thinking about it, like I can almost burst into like happy tears of connection because it's just such a beautiful energy. And um that that journey, it's like when you open your heart, it almost allows like your intuition and your mind to slow down and to soften. And this is why I, you know, I don't believe that people have to believe in the same spiritual power, but I do believe that believing in a higher power allows for so much more beauty to come into your life. Um, and that's from experiencing it myself. And when you do so, your mind doesn't really run the show anymore. And I don't think it was ever supposed to, right? I think our heart, our womb as a woman, um, our intuition is is what's supposed to drive us, and that's what brings the polarity of the masculine and the feminine, right? Like our hearts open, we're here to receive. Like, are you are you here to give? And so, yeah, that's been that's been my journey thus far from my heart.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

This episode is sponsored by Live Channel is the marketplace, the home for artists who own their stories and their business, your book, your merch, your audience. One storefront, you keep 80%, you own your customer list, you build a relationship, real relationship with the readers. If that sounds like the way you want to run your business, visit lifechangingwisdom.com. How do you feel about heartbreak? Have you experienced many heartbreaks or not many heartbreaks? What do you experience with heartbreaks?

SPEAKER_00 37:10

I've experienced quite like I mean, a couple, maybe several really intense heartbreaks. And in all different times of my life, I would say like a really big heartbreak prior to really stepping into my heart opened, a heartbreak after my heart has been opened, and maybe like a little baby heartbreak in between. Yeah, I'm I'm very emotional and very sensitive, but very mature in understanding why I feel that way. So it, I think as I've experienced heartbreak with my my stepping into myself, it's less projection outwards and like anger and pain. And it's more like, wow, let me really feel this grief and this sadness. And where were my attachments? Like, where did I create a reality around something that wasn't there? Where did I hold on to tightly? Or where, and and and I start to reflect like, how could I be better in my next partnership or even within myself? Because I, one of my favorite artists, I actually just saw play at the sphere last week. And people were like, Oh, like, what do you like about his music? And it's always that when I listen to it, I they're so sad. Like it's like all about heartbreak, essentially, or like finding love and like being in love. And for me, it's not about projecting that story onto another. I think of myself as the person that I'm thinking of. And that creates so much beauty because it brings me into the depths of all the emotions. And like, I know in like Tantra and other spiritual texts, like, you know, a lot of people like to talk about the underworld and like the shadow world and like like the depths where you have to go and like you could retrieve parts of yourself and emotions and feelings. And I feel like heartbreak is a door down into that part of yourself that you don't normally let yourself see. And so on the other side of heartbreak, I really believe is like massive expansion, and it's it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

During your heartbreak period, what what would what what would you say? What would be the oh can you remember one of the kindest things people do for you somebody did for you when you was in a or going to a heartbreak period?

SPEAKER_00 39:22

I think there were a couple. Um, like um my coach at the time, he really held a lot of extra space and even gate gifted me some sessions to help me process through what I was dealing with. I also left my house so I could be separated for a little bit of time. And I went and stayed with friends for like weeks or even like a month at a time to just find myself again and find love and community. And so I think just like the graciousness of like my friends' hearts and their open, like their open houses and their love. And I've always felt so divinely loved and protected, especially by people I care about. So my community um stepped up for me a lot during my heartbreaks.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Alrighty, let's try another one. This one says, build a life people dream about more than you dream about it too. On the flip side, dream for years and stay put, and you become the thing you envy.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

If you don't move towards Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm thinking like for me, if I don't move towards what I truly desire and what I know my heart's asking me to build more of, I start to feel resentful and bitter. Like that's when I notice parts of myself come out that are conditional and jealous and frustrated. And so if if we don't follow our life's path, then I believe that we're not continuously building our future self that we're meant to walk towards. And as we continue to move further away from where we're supposed to go, especially for men, I think that when you don't have that purpose and you're not giving yourself the space to move towards it, you really lose like that higher function of like what you're here to do and how you're supposed to serve. Um, so as a, as a for women and men, you know, if if we don't step into our dream life, if we're not moving towards where we really want to go, all I can really sense from that is going to be resentment and anger and sadness and all the emotions. They're not bad emotions, but they're less desired emotions because we're not truly showing up the way we want to be. And so that's gonna activate our wounds. It's gonna activate like not being good enough, not feeling worthy, you know, not being chosen, etc. But the flip side of that is like you're not choosing yourself, you know, you don't feel like you're good enough yourself. And I think that that's like the pain and the struggle sometimes of being a person who is in their truth. And maybe you've witnessed this before as well. Like when you're the go-getter and you're traveling and you're, you know, joining the army and you're doing all this for yourself and you're building something, especially after your identity change now, like build rebuilding yourself up and writing and doing podcasts. It's like you're choosing that for yourself. Like you're doing all the work to get yourself there and like you're moving towards where you want to go. And if if if you're not doing that for you, like, or I guess where I was gonna go with that is like people, people will get bitter. Like people are going to look at you and and probably even project parts of themselves that like frustrate them as you're finding success. And that, like, I struggle with that as well. Like, you know, and I think that's parts of me that I do want to stay small at times because I don't like when that's projected onto me. But at the same time, it's also beautiful because how cool is it that we get to be like our dream and our purpose gets to activate somebody to the point where they're frustrated at us for not really stepping into themselves. So that got a little confused. I for I for a moment I was like, wait, where were I was like going with that? But it came back.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Let me let me ask you this then. Um, so how how do you feel about the word jealousy and envy? Like how like how will you define them for yourself and how do you feel about them?

SPEAKER_00 43:28

I mean, I I feel like they're natural and they're normal to have for myself. The first thing I ask myself, and this has been an honest check-in question I've done for many years now, but it's like, why am I jealous? Like what within me is being triggered, and I take it off of the other person. So let's just say, like, you know, very simple example, I'm sure every woman could relate to. It's like a really beautiful woman walks into the room and she's magnetic, right? And you look at her and you're like, One of two reactions, you're gonna be like, wow, she's absolutely gorgeous. Do you see her? Like, look at that, you know, look at her face, her dress, like look, her energy is so nice. Or it'd be, oh my God, look at that girl. Like, I can't believe she's wearing something like that. Oh God, like her hair. Like, who does she think she right? Like you can you can go two directions really quickly. And anytime I hear inside of myself the ladder, I stop. And I I really check in, like, why am I feeling like, why am I feeling envious of this person? Why am I feeling jealous? What is it about me that I feel isn't good enough that I'm gonna project my shit onto them for just existing? So I use it as a learning experience, and I think everyone should, because it's humbling. You learn a lot about yourself when you when you check into jealousy and envy, but it's not always a bad thing because, like maybe you know, jealousy is teaching you that you love somebody, or it's teaching you that you have deeper healing to do, or that maybe you don't like somebody anymore, right? And so jealousy, it's a powerful, it's a powerful energy, it's a powerful tool to use, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

I agree. I think um jealousy is natural for all of us. The other one that I think it's is very sneaky is envy. And sometimes when you think about envy, right? So my little spin on envy too is envy when you feel envy is maybe you don't want that thing for yourself. But you don't want the other person to have it either, right? So jealousy is like, I want what you have. Envy is like, hmm, if I can find a way for you to not have that thing, I will be happy about it, right? That that kind of energy is very poisonous because you're seeing that person going after something you don't want them to have it. Maybe you don't want to do it for yourself, you don't want to you want to put in the work to get it, but you don't want them to have it. Bad part of the energy.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Yeah, it's a very negative energy to think about being envious to the point where you're hoping for somebody's demise. And I don't know, I'm uh pretty like that uh kar karma. I believe in karma deeply. And so karma is not just like if you steal something, it's also like, are you stealing somebody else's energy? Are you stealing their dreams, their passions? And so that energy to me, it's like that's only gonna come back to you in a not so not so nice way.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

I mean, going back to your your social media posts and stuff, you know, sometimes I I look at the thing that happens over time, like beauty is gonna betray you, and youth is gonna betray you, right? They are gonna go away. You're gonna get old. Right? And then when you but when you build your identity based on certain things, you realize that you know what? I need to really wise up and figure out what is there that I can anchor into that's gonna last, right? And understand certain things is not gonna last and be okay with it. So then I won't envy somebody that's like, man, you're young and full of energy. I'm I envy you now. I remember one time I was young and full of energy too, but I like to see that happen for everybody else. But I'm moving forward into my new journey, which is I'm going I'm going into the future. You know, there's a saying that says um children are the future. But it's a reverse of that. I say I say elders are the future. And the reason I say elders are the future because they're the only one that's made it there. A baby is still in the past, right? They're two, three, four years old. The elder is into the future, they have made it further into the future than anybody, so they are the future. So I respect the elders. I respect the elder part of my life where I'm I'm aging, I'm losing, maybe I'm losing my beauty or my handsomeness, what you want to call it, right? But it's it's it's diminishing. But I understand that's part of life.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

Yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

All right, let's try another one. Let's try another one. So this one says, let yourself be seen as you are more than you manage how you come across. And the flip side is manage how you come across long enough, and you and the people near you meet a stranger.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

I went through a transitional time um about two years ago where when I started stepping more into this like tantric, hypersexuality, sex coaching uh space that I thought I was going to maybe lose friends and or receive a lot of judgment. And I would say there's been distance with certain people. I wouldn't say it was maniacal or specifically curated. I think it just happened naturally with uh like lifestyle changes. But I went through a time where I I was really afraid that if I was my true self, I would, I would lose some of those people. Um but then I realized pretty shortly after, like that that is the whole purpose in the first place. If I become, you know, a version of myself that someone doesn't want to be, then they're not meant to to to be in my life because like it says that you would be a stranger. Like I don't want someone to meet a stranger version of me, like it'd be not me. The thing is, is I'm not good at faking. Like I'm the person where I have RBF, like I'm gonna walk in a room, like you're gonna know how I feel. Like I could be very sweet and cordial and hold myself, but I'm I if I don't like your energy, if I don't feel like there's a connection, I will not talk to you. Like, you know, so so I think like for me, um, like being a stranger in my own self to appease or to fit in, like it it just doesn't work. And I think for people who are doing that, that's a really, that's a really lonely life. You know, I I witnessed it a lot with my clients where people have created a persona to either appease their husband, their kids, their best friends. And maybe me and like a friend are the only people who actually get to see their true personality or their real thoughts or their real desires. And it kind of brings you back to that cage. Like, how caged have you put yours, like created, like what have you put yourself inside of that now people are just meeting a stranger version of you? And generally when you deal with the deeper core essence of feeling alone or being misunderstood and feeling like no one's there for you and like your partner doesn't care, your friends doesn't check in on you or don't know who you are, it's generally a not too much of an issue externally. It's not usually their fault, it's generally your own fault because you're not really being your true self to be seen. Like, you know, I I notice there's a lot of on-spoken, and I I used to do this in partnerships as well, where it's like you almost like assume someone should be able to read you and know your desires and your needs and and be this perfect version for you, but you're not really showing them who you really are, what you need, you're not speaking it, you're not embodying it. So yeah, it's uh if you prevent yourself from being your true self for too long, people will never you will become a stranger to not just them, but by yourself. And it's it's a pretty tough spot to be.

SPEAKER_01 51:07

And to wrap up on that, too. Sometimes I I witness this as I'm growing my own self in the journey through life. And you know, you talk about growth, right? When you start growing, there are people that are saying that, hey, I want to go the distance with you, but then you start growing and get to a certain point, they're like, I don't want to go any further with you. But then you get blamed for leaving them behind, but you hit you haven't left them behind. They decide not to go any further with you because where you're going, they didn't want to put the work in to get there. So then automatically you have to elevate from that circle, therefore your circle shrink. I mean you gotta find new people to go on the next journey with you. But sometimes we feel guilty about it. And after I've conditioned myself, no, no, no, no, no, no. We say we was going east, and we're going 20 miles in, you want to quit. Like you decide not to come any further. I didn't abandon you, you decide not to come any further. Because you could come, but you don't want to put in the work, right? Yeah. Wrap-up question for you.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 52:03

First question a TV show or film you have keep coming back to lately. You gotta share that one.

SPEAKER_00 52:07

Well, it's changed since we chatted, but um I mean, I I I keep going. I like one I really like want people to watch and I like to go back to is The Chosen, which is um like a beautiful movie-based or TV show based on Jesus and his journey to becoming him, which I just find really beautiful. It's like a little clip it. Uh, it's very wholesome and sweet, and like, you know, I cry a lot during it. But actually, one show that I started binging the last two weeks back in America is the Secret Lives of Mormon. Why?

unknown 52:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

It's been like the most trashy reality show I've watched in a really long time. But it's been really interesting because at the end of the day, I'm excited because it's like a group of women, regardless of how they're actually acting. You know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a fan of some of those smaller interactions. But the overall picture is them embodying their femininity and breaking the patriarchy and all the rules that have been put on them for so long. So, like they're the breadwinners of the family. They wear clothes that they're not supposed to wear. They sometimes go and have a cocktail, you know, they go on trips to Vegas. It's like, you know, they're you're breaking the norms. And I really enjoy when people like break the norms and like become the black sheep. And how much power, like, I mean, they've gotten so much criticism and hate, and they're just like going for it. So I'm like, one part of me is like, wow, this is really trashy TV, and the other part's like, this is really cool. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

I see, I think, I think secretively you are in a protest mode right now to with a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 53:51

For sure. Yes. Like speaks my ass.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

Okay, three three books, three books you would hand to a friend right now.

SPEAKER_00 54:01

Mm-hmm. Um, Of course the miracles. I absolutely love that book. It's uh very sweet teaching. Um, break in the habit of being yourself because I feel that for a lot of people they need like a scientific backing of why meditation is possible and how it really helps reprogram your subconscious mind. So I always want people to educate themselves in that. And then one book that I've found a lot of beauty in, especially as a feminine coach, is called The Sophia Codes. And it's about the like Yeshua transmissions, but through the feminine embodiment. So um, like powerful female leaders like Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, um Green Tara Tara, and like it's just it's it's cool. So that's that's a very like niche book. So unless you're being called to read it, I I definitely wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

Interesting. Okay, a product or a tool you have been using that has been a game changer.

SPEAKER_00 55:03

I would say it's it's the deeper subconscious reprogramming works, like parts integration work. I really believe in that deeply and how life-changing it could be when you go into yourself in a more complex way. So yeah, I'd say like internal family systems like parts integration and somatic reprogramming work, like breath work and yeah, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 55:27

A community you have been getting real value from.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

I'd say my community in Nosara, where I live, the people are so beautiful and magical. They hold a lot of space, like we all hold space for each other to be our true selves. And I've never experienced a community that's so close and and also just so true and so loving. So that that one's been impacting me really positively.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

And last question Your Mount Rushmore, the three to five people who have shaped your life the most, they cannot be your family member.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

Well, during a lot of these stories that I explained to you during my identity shift, I was working with my mentor um at the time and he changed my life deeply. Um, even working with him, a lot of my best friends uh came from his coaching community that I'm still like deeply, deeply close to now. So it changed my life in many ways. I would say my long-term partner, you know, we dated for almost 12 years. And even though we decided to end our relationship, like we grew together. And so yeah, he, I mean, inevitably we we saved each other's lives deeply. Another person who's deeply shifting my life is my mentor um from the last few years. Um, and she is a very powerful coach. Uh, she holds like feminine energy and wisdom that I like have never experienced before from another person. And so I've I've really gained a lot of knowledge and wisdom from from being around her and and working with her.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

Ali, this was fun. This was great chat.

SPEAKER_00 57:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:09

Well, you say, yeah, what would you say your biggest takeaway from this conversation?

SPEAKER_00 57:13

It's so fun to share like myself and my truth out loud, as well as I feel more encouraged and excited to feel empowered in showing up more of myself in whatever way that is, whether it's in person or online or you know, what like et cetera, because a lot of the questions really brought me back to that internal truth of just like being in your purpose. And so yeah, I'm excited to sit down tonight and to journal and to think more about how I can continue to stay on that path. And it's very cool.

SPEAKER_01 57:50

Well, again, thank you for the generous use of your time and uh make it make it an utterly fantastic day.

SPEAKER_00 57:57

Thank you. I appreciate this so much.