SPEAKER_04 0:00

We have a lot of respect for our culture and our tradition and how we pass on those stories. It's wonderful, it's a good thing, but I think that's one of the things that also holding us back. Because when we think about culture, tradition, passing things on, preserving it, honoring the people that had come before us, we're not necessarily thinking of economics and margins and profitability and conquering people that are minding their business. So that's another reason why we don't have our stories. But I think that culture evolves, it has to evolve over time. The world is very different now, and people move around. So all your people are not in one place. So that's why it's important and necessary that you know we kind of come into where we are more proactive about putting our stories out there. One, and then also two, with stories like that, also putting out there, there's funding involved. There's this financial aspect, which most of us don't have that. Because I saw this thing on Instagram about a lady that wanted to do a documentary about her dad, who was one of the very pioneers of food security, worked for the UN all that. And I think it was National Geographic that just wrote her this letter about how they can do it. But the words, I was actually upset by the words. And the examples were like, oh, we do this kind of stories. The people they show were the same people. But my mother was like, it's great for it to be on national geographic, but we've known people that have gone viral with our national geographic. So this can be solved if someone that looked like her that had money took up that project. So these are things that we should start doing for ourselves as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Today's guest is Adeise, founder of African Women in STEM. At three years old, grown up in Nigeria, she picked up a book and read it out loud to a stranger waiting for her father. That inch stuck with her. By 10, she was leaving her house at 5:15 in the morning, walking 30 minutes to make a 6 a.m. mass, and already certain she'd built a school that took children from infancy all the way through college. Then she got to corporate America. The boss told her he didn't want to babysit her. People told her she couldn't, she wouldn't, or she shouldn't. So she did something she hadn't done before. She went quiet. Today we are talking about what happens when you let a mind run unsupervised and what it costs to build a story about someone before they finish saying hello. Welcome Aday Zay to the Memo Similance Podcast. The theme is unsupervised. The theme is unsupervised. That's the word we're gonna use. But but before we get into it, I have a surprising question for you.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

The surprising question is between age 10 and 12, what was happening in your world where you are in the world? Don't mind sharing that.

SPEAKER_04 3:02

Where I was in terms of like location, or where I was in terms of like where I was in the grand scheme of things.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

So we can kind of anchor in that location. Then we're gonna talk about what was happening in your world, or was what was happening in the world out there for you as well.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

Yeah. I want to say between 10 and 12. So that's primary five, like fifth grade equivalent. And I skipped it. You do that in Nigeria. I'm Nigerian. Um, I skipped sixth grade or primary sixth or whatever, but um, and uh that would be the equivalent. Oh, it's confusing, but it's second year in secondary school, which is technically the equivalent of six, seven, eight, eighth grade, but you know, whatever. Um, so yeah, that was it. I was in Nigeria, and that that was like academically where I was. Um, but I want to say that I think that was that when I was 10 was I want to believe when I actually like started exploring my independence in a sense. Because okay, I'm Christian, I don't it, I'm just gonna bring it in because it may it matters here. So I received my first holy communion, and all of a sudden I felt like I think I want to go to church every day. Mind you, this was like 6 a.m. in the morning. We lived walking was a good 30 to 40 minutes walking. So to get there by six, I had to leave my house by 5:30 or 5.15 in the morning. Like I'm thinking about it now. I'm like, first of all, what was going on in my head? Secondly, what was going in my parents' head? But you know, life was easier, things were safer. So and I did that by myself. I'll wake up, take a shower, be ready at 5.15 or 5.30, and walk. And then when I was done, I'll come back home. So elementary school was uh morning and afternoon session because you know the school has been there since the 60s, they didn't expand, they sort of split us into two. So when I came back home, I did my church, did whatever, and I went to school that started at one. But I just look at it right now, I'm thinking, 10, I can't imagine that in my 10-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Wait, wait, wait. So I I get I get the pleasure of going back to your 10-year-old between 10 and 12. Yeah, I want to explode a little bit if you don't mind. Because yeah, because going back to that far back, thinking about it, it's all about the stories now. Like, where were you? What were you doing? How were you feeling?

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

What were you for? What were you against? I would love to kind of like play with that a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

I was for and against a lot of things. I had a I was very opinionated, really. I was. Um and I believed I could conquer the world. That was just me. And I again, like I mentioned earlier before we started, I used to read a lot, and most of those books by Europeans always talk about orphanages and all that kind of stuff. And I was like, ooh, that I don't like this. And I think around that time, my my dad took us, all of us, to go visit an orphanage, and it was just hor horrendous, in my opinion. So I was like, I wanted to build this school from like when you're a baby to when you graduate and ready to go to college, so I can take all the kids and just raise them. And it was just I was going to do it. There was no like how, when, where it was just something I was gonna do. So I had so much confidence in my abilities. I remember when eventually, years later, when Opera built her school, I was like, oh my goodness, that was my dream, and I just forgot about it, right? I was very opinionated, like nobody could tell me what to do. Like I knew what I wanted. Like it was really it was ridiculous. I don't look for trouble, I mind my business. But if you come and feel like, oh, you're a kid, so therefore, I'll be like, no. Because, you know, I was raised right by my mom. Like she was very much into like I think of the conversations we had when I was very young, and I was like, what was going on in her mind? How did she believe that it would make sense to me? But it got me thinking, and she knew I loved to read, so she got me a lot of books. So based on what she said and what I read, I kind of formed my mind about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

So you started reading very consistently hard, very young? What age? Consistently.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

I I think I started reading when I was like three, I honestly. Like I started reading before because I did not, I only did one year in nursery school, what you call like preschool. Is it preschool that they call it? Whatever they call it.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

I grew up in Jamaica, so I'm still gonna understand the American American school system.

SPEAKER_04 7:12

Yeah, exactly. So it was nursery school, it's preschool, it's normally two years, three and four. But it was kind of weird because I was two and a half the first year, and then next year I was three and a half, they were like, You're too old. But I remember like it's so funny how this particular memory was like in my brain. So there was this guy that came to see my dad. I don't know what got into me. I felt like I had to show off to this guy. So he sat down, he was waiting for my dad. My dad was supposed to come home from work. I went and took this book, and by then I could I didn't read like you know how kids read picture books? No, I like it didn't have to have a lot of pictures. I just brought it and I sat down and I was weeding out very loud. Truthfully, I remember him asking my mom how old is she, and she was like, She's three, and he was like, Oh my goodness, and she can read. And I was like, Yes, really, I've never forgotten that. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Wait, wait, you want to be recognized, and you got and you did. Somebody saw you, somebody saw me.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Somebody saw me, somebody saw me. So it was I started really young. You know, my parents were like, I said, really, maybe like like two, but I remember that. I'll probably be three of the one I remember.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

It's interesting that you have memory so far back. My youngest memory is about between six and eight. I can't tell exactly, but that is my youngest memory of myself. It's interesting that you have yours so far back.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

I do, I actually do. That particular one I've never forgotten. That is stuck with me for the rest of my life for some reason. Because I guess it's one of those things, you know how people tell you just put yourself out there. That was it for me. Like, I had again, you know, I had no plans at all growing up.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

No, I'm curious now. So, given that passion and that energy you had so young, how did that affect your future?

SPEAKER_04 8:58

I had big dreams, I always had my life planned out. I think that's one of the things he did is that I always had my life planned out. I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to achieve. And I never asked how, I just knew I wanted it and I was gonna do it. Because my parents always had this thing, it's really my dad, my mom, the same thing. If I say I want to do something, my dad is gonna ask me, so why? So, okay, and I'll have to tell him why, and then he'll ask why again and why again. So the why was always necessary. So, what if I thought about doing something, asked myself why don't I do it? And then so I was already convinced in myself, you know. So when I went out there, it was very hard to not get me out of that state. However, I want to say things took a turn after I moved to the state. Not even after I moved to the state. Well, it started a little bit, but once I got into corporate America, like everybody's corporate America.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Let's talk about that. Let's go there. Let's go.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

Let's talk about that. Because again, like going back, I never I was like, I want to do something, I just could do it. That's it. I'm gonna achieve this, and I just achieve it. Like there was no reason why I shouldn't, and there was nobody telling. I mean, people will say stuff like I don't think you can, I'll be like, watch me, whatever. But I think it was in corporate America that I actually experienced people actively just wanting to stop you from being exceptional, from expanding. Because I don't know whether it's because they didn't understand it, or because I I feel that also because I didn't think, like they look at me and that's not who they see. Because I remember comments, like it was a time, because I'm a writer, like because of course, if you read not if you read, you write, but you know, it just kind of flows both ways. And you know, my dad is a writer too, you know, even though he's an engineer, which is weird, but he writes, you know. My uncle has a palette publishing company, and when we're kids, it's like if you write, they'll encourage you to publish it. So at Christmas, you publish the book, and then all your family will buy the book from you and make some money. So that was fun. So I remember um wanting to start like a company newsletter, and my boss was like, I don't want to have to babysit you. I'm thinking, what I don't know what that means, but I realized later he probably just assumed that my English was so horrible that you know I couldn't possibly you know take that out and achieve that. Um, so it was in Corporate America that I started getting all this, you can't, I don't think you can. This is not how we do things, this will never work, you won't succeed. And because I also cannot take on what other people are saying, my response to that, which I this is all hindsight, it's 2020, okay? Was that I actually stopped showing parts of myself to protect myself. But what that did was it just kind of made me like go very much inside until I woke up one day and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I mean, I did my work, but I was more than just the work. And and I think one of the things that also helped me is I work in the oil and gas pipeline industry, so I had opportunities where I was out in the field, and out in the field, the guys out there don't care, they don't have heirs. First of all, most of them make more money than me. So they're just there to make the do the job and make the money because they get you know paid per game and all of that stuff. So they're just focused on the work, they don't have time for politics because the reality is that once that project ends, they may never see each other again, or they may because they're independent, you know, sort of, or even if they're part of a union, there's no guarantee. Well, usually for interstate projects, I don't know how that works because people move around. Like it could be in Wyoming one day and be in Alaska the next, depending on what you want to do. So when I went, there was always like, oh, the engineer has come over and whatever. But they always had a lot of stories, I had so much to learn from them. It was great. So I think that kind of balanced out the fact that when I came back into the office, there was all this politics and all this pressure. So I didn't completely lose it, but I also suppressed a lot of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

The theme we're gonna talk about, I'm gonna get in the maximum game in a minute. Um, but I love this part because this has so much energy and it has a lot of people like they started somewhere and they go somewhere and they get suffocated, they get trapped, they get buried under bureaucracy. Because I think that office politics is a lot of bureaucracy in the office politics. You go out there in the field and it's like, like, go to go in with the farmers, they're free of the talk. They, you know, you go back into other spaces, like all this fighting and like a lot of envy in the office. I noticed that too when I work in the office. He's like, why? Why don't you want me to do this thing? You don't want to do it but you won't you don't want me to do it. What's up with that? But the thing that pops up to me is uh culture and systems. I don't know if you you want to share about that, but I heard a saying that put culture into people and put people into systems. Don't try to put system into people, right? So you you now put people in a system and see how they operate in that system, but inside of them it's a culture. So now they come to the you you go to a place, you have a different culture that's inside of you, you go there and like, mm-hmm doesn't fit here. System is different, or they have certain kind of culture, like man, their culture is different from mine. They don't really think that you can go you can achieve what you want, just go after it. They gotta tell me I can't do it. So it's a different culture that's inside of them. So then how do you navigate that space? I think I watched your TED talk on um about the STEM stuff, and how do you navigate that space?

SPEAKER_04 14:08

If I say stuff right now, just take it that you know, this is from experience, and I also believe that if you learn something, you teach because I don't feel that everybody should have the exact same experiences if it doesn't do us any favors. So, yeah, I did talk about culture culture in my TEDx stuff because for me, I think the first step was recognizing that something was wrong. I it wasn't like clear, but internally something was going on and there was a struggle. I called it my existential crisis. And the the first external sign was that because I told it earlier I always planned my life and I knew what I wanted. Everything I wanted, I did not want. For the first time in my life, I had no clue. Like in elementary school, I could tell you what I would do in the next 10, 15, 20 years. But I just woke up one day and I had no, I just knew I absolutely hated everything, but I did not know what I liked. That was ridiculous. But what got me out of that was you know, it was a process, but more like embracing my cultural identity, which was the one thing that it seemed the people that had issues with me, that was the main thing they had an issue with. The way you talk, the way you dress, your hair simple things. Like I remember, like back home in Nigeria. I mean, you know, sometimes you listen to the music and all kinds of things. But growing up, yeah, there are Christians and Muslims, but who cared? A holiday is a holiday. If someone invites you to come and eat free food, free food is free food, like nobody really cared. And it's true, right? You're not gonna be like, oh, I'm not celebrating this because no, we don't do that. And the other thing that happened is that at the end of the year, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, it all meant the same thing. Like nobody really cared. So at the end of the year, what usually happened is that you buy cards and you give everybody a work. It was that's just how it was. So I remember my very first job, the very first Christmas, I bought cards and gave everybody I worked with.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

And I remember in America, in America, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:06

So my boss called me and was like, what's your angle? I was I was first of all, if I knew what he was talking about, I would be like, but I was like, I don't understand. He's like, why are you? I was like, I'm I'm just you know, it's it's Christmas and I'm just wishing everybody Merry Christmas. So apparently, people, apparently, I don't know, but people don't do that here, is what I understood. And if we did something like that, you have to have an angle. That means you're after something, and what is that? That was really hard for me to understand because my culture, we always focus on people first. I'm not saying that people are perfect, but it was just a general thing that regardless of how horrible you are, there's some things you're gonna do. Christmas, you're gonna cook and invite people, Christmas you're gonna give everybody a car. Christmas, you know that I mean it's like regardless of if you're the worst person in the world, you're still gonna do that because it was part of the culture. Um, so for me, just it was almost like everything I did that was I thought was normal, apparently, was a totally different culture and very foreign, and you know, to be um suspected and whatever at all costs. I had to like dial back on all of that. But when I came back to like, this is something has to change, this is obviously what's going on. I have lost myself. I didn't tell myself that my brother told me that, you know, but he was he was right. I just was like, this is who I am and this is who I'm gonna be, and it is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

I am glad you're enjoying the podcast. Before we continue, I have a gift for you. Since 2016, I have read and listened to over 900 books so far. It's gonna be a thousand, and I organized them into a library and handpicked the top 100 books I recommend to my clients, my friends, and the people in my community. Books on storytelling, language, and personal growth, and building something from your own life. If you're watching this podcast and you're looking for your next great read, this library is your gift. It is free. Go to Ashraalbertwright.com and check out the One Thought Book Challenge. This is my gift to you. Now back to the conversation. With that, we are gonna jump into the maxim game. So I have a few stuff that I prepared that I wanted to skip your thoughts, whatever story pops in your head, whatever comes to mind for you. I want you to share when I when I read these off. I'm curious what what the universe plays in your background or your mind. So let me let me find my list here, and we're gonna start off with um with the first maxim. My first one is an unsupervised mind doesn't ask permission before it decides what's true on the inversion side of it. Ask it once out loud, and it stops sounding so certain. What pops in your head? What story pops in here when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_04 18:54

Like your mind or your brain is always looking for evidence. And again, this has been happening a lot in my life lately because I'm on a journey, okay? I'm on a journey of being delusional, right? So, what I'm learning, I mean, I've been working on myself for over time, you know, first embracing my culture and all of that, but sometimes because it was as simple as I go to bed, I wake up in the morning, and I feel a certain way. And I'm like, I know that when I went to bed, I wasn't feeling this down, for example. Why am I feeling this way? And I learned that you have certain information that you fed yourself. Maybe when I was awake, I had the wherewithal or whatever to make sure that I don't go to places I don't want to go. But when I go to sleep, my mind would just go back to the default, and I have no control over that. So I wake up in the morning feeling what I don't want to feel, and I spend the rest of the day working my way out of that. So I started the practice of they were like, before you go to bed, what do you want tomorrow to be like? What are you grateful? I know I did some gratitude practice in a while, but I've forgotten all those things, but I'm more intentional about that than I tried it, and it actually helped. So, and also pervice, no, do not do that. Because for some reason, as human beings, because of you can go back to the fight or flight, you know. We, you know, our ancestors had to defend themselves and all of that. Our default is not necessarily the best. Um, so if anything new comes, it's gonna try to take you to that default that is not the best for you. So control that. Uh be intentional.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I like that. Let me add another one to the plate. See what sparks over here. Number two, a story doesn't need to be true, it just needs someone willing to repeat it. An inversion size refuse to repeat it and stays imagination instead of becoming a reputation. What story pops in your head or what thought?

SPEAKER_04 20:55

Laughing because uh my husband and I had this conversation this week. He's been very busy, okay? He's been very I mean, I've been I've been on this journey of like be careful what you say. So he was he was came to me and was like, I'm in so much pain. I'm like, wait, pain in my mind I thought physical pain. I was like, wait, why, why? How he was like, Oh, I've walked, I walked so many hours. I was like, Oh my goodness, you can say I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I need sleep, but I don't think you're in pain. Because I think if you keep saying you're in pain, you're gonna be in pain. Because that's the truth. So, as human beings, because like when I tell people this, they're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. But as I think about it, you only know what's happening presently, and maybe what happened in the past. But the reality is that when we live in the past, we live in regret, and that's not a good thing. But we very, very I by me, I mean me. I used to go back and be could I, woulda, shoulder, and then forget the rest of my life and be couldn't, wouldn't, shooting, and then wasting time. And then the future, you'd have absolutely no idea. But we default to thinking the worst things. Why don't you just think the best things? Because the worst thing hasn't happened, so you're just guessing. So why don't you try guessing that the best thing will happen? Because since you don't know it, it doesn't matter either way.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

I think it's Dan Sullivan. I like your way you frame it. He was like, the future is all about guessing and betting. Guess is and bets. And somebody you might get it right, somebody might get it wrong. But really, you don't know. So you're right. Why don't I bet on the best thing and guess the best thing? First is bet on the worst thing and guess the worst thing.

SPEAKER_04 22:28

What? What kind of life is that? But that's the life we live every day. And it's nobody's fault. Again, back to our defaults. And then I remember my husband telling me one time that it's just safer. We hedge our bets so that if we're disappointed, we won't fall too far down. And to me, that's like, no, I want my life to be awesome. That is just sad, but that's that's human beings.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

You know, I would listen to this podcast with Cindy Trim, Dr. Cindy Trim. I don't know if you follow her or not. She's pretty, it's pretty inspiring. It was her and Vosie Themback toy. I don't think I've said his name right, but Vossi's it's nothing. She would say, I'm gonna disappoint the person I expect me to live a certain way. So they're gonna live with the disappointment, not me, right? So sometimes you want to be a certain person, and then you're hoping to for that person to approve of you, and if they don't approve of you, you'll feel disappointed. She was like, No, they're gonna live the disappointment. I'm not gonna leave that disappointment or frustration. So I'm gonna be me, right? Because you can you don't know what I can be you, nobody else can be you. So whoever wants you to be somebody somebody else, they're gonna live that disappointment, not you, right? I was like, Oh, that was so powerful. I'm like, I'm taking that with me. Yeah, like why would I live the disappointment? Like, I get to live my life, not you. So if you expect me to be a certain way, I'm not gonna be that guy, I'm gonna be me. And if there's disappointment, it's gonna be on your side, not mine.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

That's actually very good. That's very good.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yeah, put the frustration over there, not over here. Yeah. So so why is the STEM? Maybe you gotta define an acronym for some people, but what why is that so important for you as far as part of your adding value to the world?

SPEAKER_04 24:10

So STEM is science, technology, engineering, and math. My father is a mechanical engineer, even though I I want to believe he had absolutely no influence in anything that I did. Because, you know, whatever. But I I think I've it has to have been there because again, back to my first memory of wanting to be anything ever. I think I was probably five or six, and I was watching this cartoon. I'm sure if you see it now, it'll be so horrible. But then it was a thing, you know, cartoons about some they're supposed to be human beings, but the cartoon was just so horrible in how they how they designed it, going to space. And I was like, I want to go to space. And my dad was like, I want to be an astronaut. My dad was like, sure, why do you want to be an astronaut? I was like, Why are you asking me that? Can't you see? They're flying around, you know, going to different planets or whatever. But that's where I started. I wanted to be an astronaut, and I think when I was 10 again, I think that I remember because I read a lot, and I read somewhere that if you don't have 2020 vision, you cannot be an astronaut. Oh, and I was very disappointed because I've always had mine, it's headed hereditary, my eye, my eye issues. So I had to move to something else. But I moved to something else that was in the sciences too. I saw this guy, and I don't know if his Discovery Channel, but is he is a I want to say UK version of Discovery Channel. He traveled around the world discovering exotic plants, and I wanted to do that, and my dad was like, that's a buttonist. I was like, ew, that sounds horrible. I don't want to be there, but I I don't know. I I want to say it's probably just my family and you know, having all those influences that we're not. But I remember one time telling myself, you know, in this journey that I wanted to be an engineer, and it wasn't because of my dad. Because I love science, I love the whole idea of, you know, like all the theories and things like that, and you know, things that you come up with. But I knew that with the scientists, they stay in the lab, they do research, they discover all this thing, but I felt that the engineer, this is how I put it, I want to be an engineer because the engineer makes the scientists' dreams come true. So you can talk about gravity, I'll use that to build a plane. You know, you can talk about some disease or whatever, and then I'll figure out how to build your machine so that you can or test it or whatever, so you can make a drug. You know what I mean? So it's almost like I wanted the practical aspect of that, I wanted to bring all those dreams to reality. So that was it for me, really. So I don't know when it started, but it's always been that way. It's really important to me to keep it because one of the things that I not from my family, because my family doesn't care, not that they don't care, but they always support like girls can be anything. I remember when we're growing up, we all knew that we had to finish college and get a job because you know you have to be an independent woman. When I say my family, I mean my entire extended family. That's of 60 cousins. That's how it was, right? But then like in the other part of the world, people will tell me, Oh, you want to study mechanical engineering, girls don't do that. Oh, you want to go to this school. That is one of the most difficult schools to get into. Girls can do that. You know what I mean? So it was always like, and I was this is ridiculous. So I wanted to make sure that girls did that, and then you know, you can imagine so long ago, and even up to now, we still talk about getting girls in STEM, getting girls in STEM because unfortunately, it's as early as six. This is research, that girls are being dissuaded from getting into STEM, from getting into mind, because that's when they start telling them stuff like boys are better at nah, boys are better at this. If you're playing with cars, they're like, no, go play with dolls. There's nothing wrong with playing with dolls, but the point is that's when the stereotypes starts, and then by the time they get to like 13, they already decided they can't do this. So that is why they can, yeah, you know, and then also from my experience, getting into the workforce and having people want to define you because you're a woman, you're a mom, you should have limitations. But the other guy is a man and a dad, but he shouldn't have limitations. So it kind of follows you your entire life. So for me, now it's more like I you talked about systems earlier on. Systems are systems, but to your point, the culture is what is really important. So we talk about culture, the culture where we can where we come from, but it's also another culture that we create ourselves, we build our own culture. So, what is what do you believe? Because culture is a set of beliefs, instead of belief systems. I mean, of course, you have to talk about the food you eat and all of that stuff, but if fundamentally it's a set of belief systems. So I want girls and women to start believing something different about themselves, so that they can do and be whatever they want, or not, but it is entirely because they choose it.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Okay, if we had to travel to the future, if if we had to travel to the future, the the becoming of oh you say the name Adese. Yes, okay, I did it right. I did it right. Yeah, Adeze, Adese. If I if I had to travel to the future and the becoming of your journey, and if you could see yourself at the end of your journey, what you want to become, what would that be? Or who would that be?

SPEAKER_04 29:26

Oh my goodness. Again, I want to join you to be delusional. So, my faith, putting up, I've been saying this for years, but I think I just realized that if I've been saying this at a different time for years, that means there's something to it. So now let me think about it some more. I've always just wanted to do what I want, absolutely what I love doing, and nothing else. And but now what I add to that is because I have people and that I I pay and systems that I built to take care of everything else that I don't want to do.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Sister. You know what I love to do?

SPEAKER_03 30:09

Build systems.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

I love to build systems, that's one. But there's a there's a different feeling when I get to hire somebody and pay them. I love to hire people and pay people. It's a I love the feeling of it. And in my mind, I'm like, what that means you like to be an entrepreneur, like to be a business person, because I like to hire people in paper. It's just a different feeling. Because on top of that, I like to help people. But I know the best way to help people is to give them something purposeful to do that they like doing anyway. And if I can find somebody that they love doing this thing, why not hire them to do what they love doing anyway? Because that now I get to share in that joy because you love doing this stuff. Maybe I don't like do it, but watching you love doing it make me feel, man. Let me go look work on what I love doing, because you love doing that thing. And I didn't thought anybody could love doing that, but you do. So what what what kind of world are we in when somebody gets to do what they love doing anyway, and do it with you. So yeah, I saw I second sign on that idea of doing what's that's that's where I'm going, really.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

You you know, speaking of the word can, my my coach Joe Weldon, he had this, he's he's an interesting business card, and it says on there, success comes in can or cans, not in canots, right? And he put it on a can, like a like a tomato sauce can, like a little thing. It was interesting. So he said he gave that he gave me one. I think I got two of them, but he gave me and he gave it to his client, but it's like they didn't never throw it away. They keep it on their desk, and it's like success comes in cans, not in cannots. Because it's so important when you talk about it the the girls, as far as there's a cap for them, but there's no cap for the guys. That don't make sense. Let's jump into another maxim. This one says, You can bail an entire verdict about someone before they before they have finished saying hello, inversion side of it, wait until they finish the sentence and the verdict you already built quietly falls apart. What pops in your head for that when stories come to mind?

SPEAKER_04 32:08

As soon as you saw it, talking, I remember when we were much younger, someone I know was very opinionated. And I just could not, not me, but I couldn't understand it because there was one, I think we're in the living room just looking out the window, and somebody was passing, and it was like, I she was like, I don't, I don't like him. I'm like, first of all, I'm pretty sure you don't know him. The best you probably have seen is just him walking up, and I was like, Why? I was like, no reason, I just don't like him. And in my mind, I was I I I just don't wake up and not like somebody. Like for me, you have to, I guess people are different. So I realize over time there are good and bad sides of this, but I always give people a hundred percent, and then you, based on your actions, begin to take away from that hundred percent. But I get other people are different, however, apart from not being me, the other thing to your point is that when you approach people that way, you miss out on so much. Yes, for me, that means you're not open and you're not curious. Not to say that everybody you meet is gonna impress you or just blow things out of the water, but being open means just I feel life is so much more fun that way because ooh, what am I expecting? I don't know. Well, let's see. And then they come out and it's all flat. You're like, oh, oh well, or they come up with something like, ooh, I didn't think of that, and then you're interested and you lean in, and then you build relationships. And I say this to my community all the time, you know, because I have a community of African many STEM, and we focus a lot on because again, back to we're experts, but the challenges we face is that we have to work 10 times as hard and all of that, and what I believe is a way out of that is building a personal brand, being visible, and building the right relationships. So the relationship building part is what a lot of women will tell me, but I don't know how. Well, how is just being open? Because if you're open, then by the time the person is done, you will find something that you can hold on to and you'll be easier so you're not forcing the relationship. Or by the time you're done, you realize, oh, it was nice meeting you, but maybe not, and it will be so much easier, too, so you don't feel the pressure to do one thing or the other.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

That is true. I think the open piece is also the piece about being vulnerable. Because, for example, the first question I asked you too, if if if you ask that question to anybody, automatically they gotta go back. And they by going back, they gotta tell your story now. They can't get into teaching more, they gotta tell you a story. When they tell you a story, like, oh man, I was a 12 or 10 or 12 year old too. So I know we can we can drive, right? And automatically you start building a relationship because now somebody's sharing something about their past, their history, they probably haven't thought about it in a while because not everybody gets everything and talk up, think about everything in the in the past, right? Different period, but it's a moment to connect, and then you can start building a relationship based on the connection because somewhere in there you're gonna like, oh, I had that same thought, same feeling. Now we can have a relationship, right? Yeah, much easier. Yeah, so so so when you see the person prejudge, like, oh, I don't like that person. I remember like in business, sometimes it was saying, like, don't play Jesus, like you don't know their future, right? Don't judge the book by the cover because you have no idea. So get to know the person first because you can't see past everything. You gotta you gotta see past the cover, and to do that, you gotta be open, just like you said. But if you prejudge by the cover, then you will never get to know the person, not realizing that they might know somebody that you're looking for, and if you don't build a relationship, you'll never get connected to that person, and therefore you miss your opportunity to even grow and connect.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

And just kind of on on that thing that you said, because it happens a lot. I had an experience that I went to I was invited to a conference because again, I lean into things. So they started this um coalition. I was like, Count me in, women in stand, what's going on, you know? And then part of it was like, okay, we're giving you know free tickets and free tables to everybody that is on this coalition. I was like, Count me in, let's go. So I went there, that was my first table in kind of thing. And I was like, okay, now I'm just gonna walk up to people that look African. Start one that you know, I'll be like, hey, are you African? And then he's like, yeah, I was like, okay, so I'm the fan of African many stem kind of stuff, right? I'm sure most people will be like, what is wrong with this woman? But I did not care, okay. I'm here to make friends, I'm here to meet people. So I um so I remember a two young women I was talking to them. They actually came by the table and then we suddenly we're having a conversation, but I remember one of them, I mean, it's it's good to be young and have certain expectations, so I I get that. But she was like, So who are you again? Who did you work with? You know, because I'm not in, I wasn't in tech, I was in the oil and gas pipeline, right? So I can tell you everywhere I walk, it wouldn't really make any sense. I was like, you know, I worked in oil and gas pipeline, and immediately you could see that she's like, you know, and then who are what were she really needed to know? Like, are you what my time? Were you like an executive at Google? Were you a meta? And in my mind, I'm like, I found it amusing. But to your point about you don't really know because most of the opportunities I've gotten are from the most unexpected places. I know a lot of people because I'm curious, and I just I stalk people in a sense because I'm always thinking of my community. Like if I see someone, I'll be like, oh my god, this would be like an absolutely amazing resource for African Women in STEM. And I think it all kind of gives me the courage to approach them. So over time, I have a lot of connections and I maintain those relationships. And usually when someone asks, I'll be like, just tell me what you need. I might not know the answer now, but by the time I walk around, I'll remember somebody that I know. And I'm always connecting people. So, not to say, but in my mind, I'm like, oh man, well, it's good to be young and you know, you maybe have to experience some things, but I feel that that's another thing that holds people back. And I remember someone saying that do not knock networking across with your peers. Because if you're moving forward, they're moving forward too. You know, I just saw a thing on Instagram with Yvonne Oji, she was celebrating her friend, and she was like 15 years ago, all the hardware dreams, and now she's doing well, and this other lady is doing well. She has her name on the billboard, she has an ethical thing, and a lot is happening. But you can imagine if they were like, Oh, I'm not gonna talk to her, let me go find people that have already made it. So now you see them and you've been like, Oh my god, I want to be her with these friends, but this is like 15 years of support, not knowing what the future was gonna look like. Um, so that's why it's always good to just kind of like be open.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Yeah, be open, unsupervised, be open.

SPEAKER_03 39:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

One more here. We are so two people can watch the exact same 10 seconds, and each one leaves certain there was only one thing to see on the inversion side, ask what the other one saw, and certainty turns back into curiosity. Hmm. What story or idea pops in your head when you hear that?

SPEAKER_04 39:25

What pops in my head is that we all have unconscious bias. We all have unconscious bias because we all have a culture, even though I've met Americans that tell me I don't have a culture, I'm like, culture is a stupid beliefs. I mean, you might not have a culture in the sense of, you know, I'm Haitian, I'm Chinese, and all that kind of stuff, but you still do have a culture. And also, some of them are good and bad. For example, I grew up in Nigeria, everybody was black. So when I moved here, I did not understand racism for the first 15 years that I lived here. It made because it didn't make sense. Like, I think I was like, okay, these are bad people, but why are they bad? Like, I don't get it. It wasn't until COVID and Judge Floyd and all of that. I just, I think also because I had a son that turned five, and I was like, oh my god. So tomorrow, you know, that was when it all dawned on me. So yeah, it's even if you're the best person in the whole world and you don't like to judge people and don't want to do anything, whether you like it or not, you're still going to see things from a different lens, which is a sum of everything you've experienced and everything that you have that made you who you are. So I think to your point about let it happen, see what other people are saying, and then see where you can come in. That's why I don't like absolutes.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

Yes, yeah, you know, just talking about culture. Um I like set Golden have a simple way of saying culture, which I like. He says, culture is simply how we do things around here. Culture is how they do things over there. Now, when over there connects with over here, right? We got problems. Or we might be oh yeah, so we say everybody got culture we do because culture is inside of you. And it's a it's a sequence of how you do things in this family becomes a family culture. Somebody comes to you and trying to change how you do this in the family, like, no, no, no, no. That's not how grandma cooks it, that's not how we do it, right? Because that's the culture, that's how we do things over here. So when you understand that, you're like, oh, so now to change the culture, that means a lot of other people gotta change too, including yourself. So it's very difficult sometimes, like, okay, how you change the system? Culture is the best thing to change the system because culture is how we do things, and we gotta do things differently, then we change the system. One more. Here we go. This one says someone else's imagination can build a story about you faster than you can correct it, inversion, catch it in the five in the first five seconds, and it doesn't get the chance to become an opinion. What story or idea pops in your head when you hear those words?

SPEAKER_04 42:00

This is a very difficult one because again, you can one thing that I learned that freed me and made made my career so much easier and life easier is that you can change people, but to what you're saying, you can only control your own narrative and how you respond to those things. So the only thing I see here that you can do is going back to building your own personal brand. Like it sounds like a big word, but what it just means is being in control of how people see you. How do you want to be seen? Then go and make that happen. If you like saying a word, say it 10,000 times, and if that's what you want to be known for, all of a sudden it's just gonna be what you're known for, and that makes it easier. But um, another thing that you know, we're in my community, especially people in STEM, even men and women in general, you talk about nerds and being nerdish and all of that. There's a whole lot of being behind the scenes, being in the background, you know, supporting from I'm like, that's all okay, but in this world now, you you really don't have a choice because most people will not have an opportunity to experience you. And if you don't give them anything, they'll just make make the judgment by themselves. So don't be not yourself. Like I'm a little bit okay. I'm I'm I'm an omnifrade if there's anything like that. Like, I'm not high energy all the time. I need to recharge, like, I will sit down in my house, sit on the couch, read a book. Like I told you before, I did that for a month. Okay. But when I go out and meet people, I get energized by that. But I also have to do recharge my battery and stuff like that. So I'm not saying go do what is not normal for you, but in your own way, let people know who you are, what you stand for, what you believe, and where you're going.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

You got me thinking. We got so so you mentioned when it's like. You gotta control your own story, your own narrative. I read this quote here. I'm gonna add this one, it's a different one. But it says humans don't run on truth, we run on shared stories. Whoever controls the story control the species. When I first heard I was like, That is deep. But if you think about it, what travels across time, we carry stories. So when you go in search of truth, you end up finding stories. Because that's what travels across time. Because truth cannot be explained, truth can only be experienced. When you experience it, you know it. So when I try to explain truth to you, it's not you're explaining something else to explain the truth, but it's not the truth. So then we gotta go back to stories, the narrative, and your story is what you get to create. So what thought pops in here when you hear that?

SPEAKER_04 44:47

So basically, it says, until the lion learns to write, the hunter will always be the victim. I don't think if you want to make a hunter, they'll be like, So I went to the forest and I was defeated. No, okay, they'll come back and be like, they may never they may have seen the lion and they were on top of the tree for two weeks. Okay, but if they make it back home safe, they're gonna say, I saw this lion and I tore the drawers open with my bare hands.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

You know what I mean? So again, back to what you said.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Okay, that was that was a good one.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

But that is so true.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

Stories, yeah, stories, it's it's stories, and if we think about the world in general and the stories we hear about the rest of the world that is not not necessarily the West, but a certain group of people. It is not the story by those other people, it's a story by the few, but it's carried away because they had the means to keep repeating it, to spread it. We're too busy trying to survive, you know, live our lives and all that stuff, and somebody is telling a story about you that is not even remotely true, and it just keeps going. So it is very dangerous, but then again, we can do something about it.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

So that was so powerful. Because until the lions learn how to write, that is because the people that dominate are the people that we don't record stuff putting in books. And who are those people? Oftentimes it's the victor, and the victor don't tell all the truth, by the way, they just tell stuff. So this is very interesting, that's very powerful. You know, I was thinking I was talking to another lady, she's from Nigeria too, and we were saying that you know the global south, like we have they their story hasn't been put on the internet like the global north yet. So just imagine how much story in the global south that we haven't put on the internet yet. We haven't put on the because like it's documented but not as documented and spread as the global north. So, what the war is gonna look like when we start recording and translating some of those stories from the global south and bring them into people's minds, what that's gonna do for them. You know, what do you thought? What you thought about that?

SPEAKER_04 47:00

I'm like, you know what I was thinking? Just before you you said this, I was thinking of because I grew up in Nigeria and I watched movies like so I didn't know much about like the Vietnam War apart from like movies, and every movie that I watched about like any of those wars, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, all of that, was always an American going to Vietnam to save them. So I'm on this side, I'm realizing wait, it were Americans were there fighting and killing the so it just didn't make sense. So for but for me, that didn't have any history or anything. I just saw a movie, and there was always every single movie, of course, written directly by Americans. There's an American hero saving the Vietnamese, the American hero saving the Korean, American heroes saving, you know what I mean? So, and and that's all I knew, and they come the other way. How can you be the savior when you went to war? People were in school here because I've, you know, students were like, we don't want this, this war shouldn't be happening. So not everybody agreed that the war was meant was a good thing. And then, but the story that you put out there is as you know, or this last samurai, for example, really. So nobody in in over 10,000 or hundreds of thousands of years, none of the samurais could be the last samurai, but an American that just figured out a few things about the samurai, and then all of a sudden, you know, what's the I'm like, oh my goodness, but again, have you seen Tarzan?

SPEAKER_03 48:29

Duh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

Wait, wait, wait, wait. In the entire jungle of Africa, this one guy that had that has no you would expect a Tarzan to be not a white person sitting in a jungle, but yeah, but but but that's a story of straight hair, you know.

SPEAKER_04 48:49

But anyway, it's it's hilarious, it's really hilarious if you think about it, but yeah, we need, and I just want to say one more thing because there's also because we have a lot of respect for our culture and our tradition and how we pass on those stories. It's wonderful, it's a good thing, but I think that's what's one of the things that are also holding us back. Because when we think about culture, tradition, passing things on, preserving it, honoring the people that had come before us, we're not necessarily thinking of economics and margins and profitability and you know, conquering people that are minding their business. So that's another reason why we don't have our stories. But I think that's you know, culture evolves, it has to evolve over time. The world is very different now, and people move around. So all your people are not in one place. So that's why it's important and necessary that you know we kind of come into where we are more proactive about putting our stories out there. One, and then also two, with stories like that, also putting out there, there's funding involved. There's this financial aspect, which most of us don't have that. Because I saw this thing on Instagram about a lady that wanted to do a documentary about her dad, who was one of the very pioneers of food security, work for the U and all of that. And I think it was National Geographic that just wrote her this letter about how they can do it. But the words, I was actually upset by the words. And the examples were like, oh, we do this kind of stories. The people they show were the same people. But my mother was like, it's great for you to build national geography, but we've known people that have gone viral without national geographic. So this can be solved if someone that looked like her, that had money, took up that project. So these are things that we should start doing for ourselves as well, to put it out there.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

Yeah, no, I agree. I have a I have a few more maximum. Hopefully, I can make it in time squeezing here. Let me see. This one says the mind that scares itself at night is the same mind that decides who belongs in a room during the day. In version, point it at a page instead of a person, and it builds a story instead of a verdict. Or pops in here, what story comes to mind when you hear that.

SPEAKER_04 51:03

I think it has to do with again, our minds cannot be trusted.

SPEAKER_01 51:09

Unsupervised mind.

SPEAKER_04 51:10

Unsupervised mind, and we're always making up stories.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 51:14

I'm gonna say this. I have a very I'm very very imaginative mind. That's why I write, but that's also why I don't watch horror movies. From when I was a kid, I don't like everybody what Chucky and what I didn't watch any of those things because here's what's gonna happen. I'll watch it, I will expand on that story and build monsters that were bigger than whatever was in the story. Because my imagination will just run wild, so that even in the day, I'm walking and I'm seeing the creatures that I created. I create creatures in my own world when I write stories, but the difference is that these are not originally mine, so I don't have so much control over them and over how I feel about them. Because when they do these movies, they want you to feel afraid or attention, you know what I mean? So that those are the feelings that I have towards those things that have now evolved from what they've created. Mind you, I've never seen any of those monsters before. So it makes sense. It makes sense. Can you imagine if I was in the movie set and I actually saw how they dressed up truck and be like, oh, duh. Duh, duh, you know? So I think that's what that is. You know, sometimes it's happened to me a lot. Like sometimes, for example, at work, somebody will say, Oh, sometimes it happens the opposite. But let's say, for example, somebody says, Um, can I sit in my office and like, oh my goodness, what has gone wrong? You're now start thinking of all the horrible things, and let's say they couldn't see you that day, they're like, Oh, can we move it to tomorrow? Forget it. Like, by the next day, by the next day, and then when you show up with the office, they'll be like, Yeah, so there's this new project that we're discussing. We're wondering if you if you'll be interested in handling it. Like, what? And already died like seven times the last 24 hours, you know what I mean? So, yeah, yeah, that's that.

SPEAKER_00 53:10

Don't don't share bad news with Ades.

SPEAKER_04 53:14

No, I'm I'm I'm getting better, okay. I'm much better now. Okay, I mean I'm in a very zen place now, okay. My coulda woulda should have days uh kind of behind me.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

But but that's that's interesting as a as a young person, having that kind of imagination, to where you like, I'm I'm building it right now, I'm making that real. Yeah, making that real, real.

SPEAKER_04 53:38

I'm making it real real. And it was is there are good and bad sides of it because I can literally that's again, I have to kind of go back to that. I can make up stories right now. Like someone would be like, oh, just tell us a story or a movie. And I actually start telling the movie. Literally, before I started the movie, I didn't know what the movie was about. And every scene I don't know what the next scene is about, but I would captivate my classmates for like three hours telling the story. There was one that actually happened, it was the end of the school day. I didn't finish the story, and they were like, Oh, so you're gonna continue tomorrow. I was like, Oh my goodness. I just made everything up, and I knew that by the next day it wouldn't be the same. So the next day I avoided them all day because I didn't I made it off. I made it off completely, and I couldn't tell the story anymore because you know the juices had gone from the day before, you know.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

This episode is sponsored by Live Chinese the Marketplace, the home for hearters who own their stories and their business, your book, your merch, your audience. One storefront, you keep 8%, you own your customer list, you build a relationship, real relationship with the readers. If that sounds like the way you want to run your business, visit lifechainwisdom.com. Let's get let's get to that. We got it. We got a few more. Let me see. I got two more here. Okay. So a mind convinced of its own story will hand the conviction to the people standing close enough to catch it. On inversion size, a mind convinced of a better story does the exact same thing, just in the other direction. I think we kind of touched on that a little bit, but whatever comes to mind for you.

SPEAKER_04 55:12

What comes to mind for me is when they say that so I don't know if it's if it's the right way that they say, but you hurt the people that are closest to you. And in the same vein, if you're excited and happy about something, the people that will benefit from that are also the people that are closest to you.

SPEAKER_01 55:31

That is wisdom. Yeah, you hurt the people that are closest to you, you make the people that are closest to you feel better when you feel better.

SPEAKER_00 55:40

I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 55:43

Last one. Few people check the real story before they start living inside it on the inversion side. Check it once, and you get to choose whether you keep living there. What comes to mind for you? What pops in your head?

SPEAKER_04 55:54

What post what popped in my head was I just had a podcast recorded with someone recently, and they talked about how when they were young, somebody was like, You have big ears for another 30-something years. It's funny, but it's not funny. She's over it now, so I can laugh about it. But what she said, I was like, Oh my goodness, that is so true. She would either like either wear heart, cover her ears, and all of that. But then she was like, You have big ears based on what? And then again, that was maybe in elementary school when you're still growing. Do you still have big ears now in proportion to the rest of your body, or was it you have big ears compared to other kids? Like, she didn't even know what it was. I have big ears compared to what, based on what? In that's what I'm saying. So 30-something years, you know, but now she's like, my hair is up, the earrings are earring, and my ears are out, you know. Um, but that can be, and this is like, you know, there are other things that people say to people that they don't even question it and they just absorb it and take it in. But if you do the opposite, it will actually give you a chance to not embody something that is obviously not the best to you.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

A criticism from you was a kid, like I mean, like everybody get picked on on the kids. I mean, most I would not say everybody, but a lot of people get picked on as a kid about different body parts. Yeah, like this mess with me about my nose, but I got I start loving my nose after it picked on me for a while, right? But I'm like, so yeah, I got big ears, I can wear all the earrings now.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Hey, yeah, but yeah, all right.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

So I got five wrap-up questions, and I'm gonna start him off. The first one is a TV show or film you found yourself returning to lately.

SPEAKER_04 57:45

I don't watch, I don't watch TVs or film, but I'll say I always go for comedy. Because again, you know, building a business or if you're working in corporate or whatever you're doing, raising kids, all kinds or whatever, sometimes that can be too much. So if I'm gonna watch something, sometimes I go for you know things that are intriguing, but most times I go for things that are fun.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

Here's this interesting thing: no scary movie but comedy.

SPEAKER_04 58:16

Yes, and and I actually love watching what do you call the kind of movies where you kind of imagine that you have superpowers and you can do things that you kind of or those superhero movies and stuff, superhero movies, for example, or even like let's say you have all this whatever where somebody inherited something from 10,000 years ago and the Lord bestowed something upon them, and all of a sudden they can fly around the world, or because again, it just takes me out of like the reality, and I can imagine, oh, if I wanted to travel, I don't have to get on a plane and sit in one tiny, uncomfortable seat. I can just like walk and then be on the other side, you know. Yeah, so I'll do that.

SPEAKER_01 58:55

I love it, I love it. All right, three books you'd recommend to a friend right now.

SPEAKER_04 59:00

Okay, so I will recommend um there's a book I read I absolutely love. It's called I Am My Brand, and I see that a lot. Again, most of my things I do are very women-centric because again, it's and then back to what we talked about what what story do you want people to say about you? But it's one of those things that we don't focus on, and the book is so incredible. The author is Kuby Springer, she's from the UK, but she made personal brand building so personal and like dumb, you know what I mean? You know, and it's almost like after reading that book, you're like, I cannot not build my brand. Like, it's basically me getting up every day and doing things, showing up every day for things, making sure that I have options and opportunities. Um, so that's a very good book. The second one I will recommend is We Should All Beat Millionaires by um Rachel Rogers. Again, that's women's centric because most women, the statistics out there is that women own businesses, black women own businesses make on the average $24,000 a year, the white women $54,000. And I think for men on the whole, it's like almost $700,000 a year. So we because we go into business with heart sometimes, and we want to serve, and then also culture comes in because I came from a culture, like I never thought I would be an entrepreneur because if you if you're doing something, you have to give it all. If you're wanting money, then there's something wrong with you. Okay, so we have to get over that. So that's a good book that basically tells you that you can, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and then it's gonna help you actually help more people, okay? Yes, and then the third book is is a is a novel. It's called A Girl Is a Body of Water. Um, it's by Jennifer Nansubuga. Okay, you know what? I'm sorry, Jennifer and Jennifer's people, but Makumi, I think she's from somewhere in Africa, but again, back to I'm African, my my dad told me a lot of folk tales growing up, my grandmother did. But one thing she brought to light is the fact that a lot of stories, most of the folk tales that we have are focused on girls and women. Many of them. And then they're always about changing something about the girl and the woman that is not good enough. Now we have fear folktales about men, but they're always focused on praising them for their courage, for their bravery, and all that kind of stuff. And that was true. Do you know how many stories they have in African folktales about the girl that was very picky when it comes to getting married? And then she ended up marrying somebody from the spirit world that had no hands, no legs, no days. I mean, it was in my culture, that story was there. She's from another part of Africa, they had the exact same story. You know, the girl that, in anything, the girl that wants to be independent, there was always a story to keep you in your place, you know. So that's a really good book because talk about the lives of two women and how they build this back to storytelling, how they build this whole story about how one is a witch and the other one is whatever. But they were best friends, they've always been best friends and never stopped being best friends. But stories again. And then she had you know powers that she got from you know her grandmother and all that about intuition and being able to, you know, see certain things and know certain things that was a problem, you know. But it's just kind of interesting just reading that and realizing that okay, there's everything you have is powerful. Figure out how to make the most of it and ignore the rest of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:38

That is deep. I love it. That is deep. Wow. Three great books. Three great books.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:43

Three great books.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:44

Here's another one a product or tool you've been using that's been a game changer for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:49

I want to say claw. I mean, I know everybody says claw, but listen, okay? Me and tech, I think I told you this before. Like, if I want to do something, I realize I have to figure out the tech. I'll be like, ah, okay. Not that it's hard, I just don't want to do it. It's one of those things that I don't want to do, but I have to do it anyway. But you know how people tell you that you have to use something, but you have to like, you know, use this other tool and that other tool and the other tool to do all kinds of things. But I realized that with quad, I could do a lot of those things, like it will code for me, do all the I was like, oh my goodness, I'll actually build things in there and it worked for me. Like I would do like assessments for the longest I wanted to do assessments, but you know, before AI, doing assessments with the whole thing, like you have to have to hire somebody, and it's very complicated, build a system behind it. I just built an assessment in like less than 30 minutes, and I was like, wait, what? You just wrote the program for me, build it out, and then I did this, you know, linking it to the email and the whatever that you know, all of that stuff, and I was like, This is so easy, it's a cloud for sure. Um of course can do other things with it. Yeah, that'll be it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:53

Hey, I'm a cloud fan too. Let's just imagine five years from now, when we ain't gonna look at all the back office thing, we just say do this and it's done, right? Everything, all the only thing I worry about is being good at building relationships. I just gotta get I gotta know be a better friend or be a better partner, whatever. Everything else, that tech stuff that they created the last 30 years, I ain't gonna do that anymore. I can't wait. Yeah, okay. A community you've been you have you've been finding real value in.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:24

Oh, okay. I'm gonna selfishly say my community. And I do belong to a lot of communities, but it's like every time I surprise myself, right? So I host events and I invite people to come and speak, and I also invite people to attend events. I mean, I know these speakers are awesome, and I know these women are incredible, and this is gonna be very valuable for them, but whenever they're in the room, it's like magic happens. It's like all I do is bring these people together, the rest of it is just incredible. So it's one of those goes back to one thing I just realized about, you know, like give their business example, for example, brother out, focus on the thing that you know how to do well the most. Because people always like the thing that comes easy to you is always the thing that you ignore, but it might be the thing that actually is the thing you should focus on. So I just realized that I just create space for things to happen. Like I bring strangers in the room, and at the end of it, they become friends because they feel comfortable enough to let their guards down and just be themselves. So I will say my community because every single time that we get together, it's like it blows my mind. Like I finish an event, I'm like, oh my god, this is awesome! I forget all the planning and everything because um it just energizes me to meet people and then see how people's lives are transformed in just a short amount of time of hanging out together.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:52

You know, I think sometimes we don't give organizers or party planners enough credit. It takes a lot of work, but then the people that Do the work of say, Hey man, I'm gonna be this thing, I'm gonna invite you there. And you show up, it's like, Man, I had a good time. Because some people are just not party planners. Like, I know a lot of people, like having to put a party together, they freak out, like when I'm in the military, and sometimes we're like, Hey, can you put this thing together? And the person starts freaking out. I'm like, Oh, that's the wrong person. I asked. But it's another person, let me and they like excited, they get lit up, they're like, Oh, I get to organize a party. Oh my god. But the person that I just like to show up to the party, I don't like organizing it, right? So different people, like you talk, introvert, extrovert, certain people are different. They like to show up to places and have a good time. And some people like I like organizing it so when I see people get have a great time, I have a good time. Yeah, I feel like I'm doing my purpose here. I love that. Alright, last one. Your Mount Rushmore, the three to five people who've been most influential in your life, and they cannot be your family members.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:50

Oh, that's a hard one. I was gonna say my mom first.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:55

Oh my, she was very influential. However, I'm gonna say actually, I want to say opera first. Because I remember growing up as a kid, like, I didn't really watch the opera show because I don't know why, but it was a thing. I remember going home from school, my friends talk about oh, the opera show, the opera show, because you know, opera is opera, she sits down, she interviews people, and it's just fun. And there was this woman in Nigeria, but she ended up passing early because she had cancer, but she was like the opera then. She had this also gift of interviewing people. So I remember oh, somewhere at the back of my mind, I was always be like, I just want to sit down and have conversations with people. That's it. Okay, and then another person that I'll say is there's this lady, her name is Stephanie Alice, she's called the Bajanista. I think I stumbled because again, moving to America and not understanding the finances, yeah. It didn't bother me because I went to grad school, I didn't have to pay take a loan or anything like that. So I didn't have any debt. But my husband grew up here, and then he went to Normals, and then he went to law school, which is like ridiculously expensive. And then we're like, okay, fine, you know, he gets a job at this law firm, they're paying him all this money, and we're like, oh yeah, we're gonna tackle this thing and we're gonna pay it down. Well, I did what I thought was the right thing. At the end of the year, we owed more money than we did at the beginning of the year, and I paid a ton of money in. It just drove me nuts. But it also made me like, what in the world is this? Like, I don't understand. How can I be so that's when I tried started trying to understand the American economy? And I stumbled upon she had this whole thing about credit and debt, and then I got on her podcast. But I like her because she's very open. Like when she was going through things in business, we will come and tell you, so how did you make a million dollars? Oh, I just work hard, you know. And people just kind of give you like the high level, she will tell you the things. Okay, I remember when I was making a decision about whether my my company, Africa Ministem, was going to be non-profit or for profit. I made that decision based on what she said, you know, because she kind of like put in detail, okay. I thought about this, but this is the upside and the downsides. So she's very open, like when she got a business coach, how it benefited her when she was negotiating, you know, her speaking fees, all that kind of stuff. She's very open. And the third person I'll say is Bozoma Saint John. Um, because she's badass. Okay. Funny enough, the one that impacted me the most was when she talked about how she negotiated. Again, she's badass. So if you want her, you want her. But you know how women, we are not, by we, I mean me, and then all our women, you know. We had we have issues with negotiating. It's just one of those things. You have to be humble and not act like it like money. But she talked about how she had to travel a lot in the summer for all these events for all these companies, and she was always like in Europe and here and there. And then her daughter is off in the summer, and she had to negotiate. Like, if you want me to go to all these things, then you're gonna have to pay for my daughter and the nanny to come with me. And I was like, Whoa, you can do that, you know what I mean? So she just blew my mind. So I just I just love her, and she just you know, she just speaks her mind, and of course, she's she's incredible.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:55

So say your name again, Bozoma St.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:59

John.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

Bozoma St. John.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:01

Ah, I don't think I'm thinking about the she's worked for all kinds of companies, she was the one that brought Uber out of their craziness.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:06

So she does one of marketing for Netflix or something, yes, exactly. Okay, I know who you're talking about now. She's a badass.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:13

And now she's in she's in real housewives of something, something, and then she has uh her hairline. I I she's just amazing. I love her because she's lives in full self-expression, and I'm like, I can't do half of the things you do, but I love I love it so much, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:29

So that was one, two, that was three people. Okay, all right, gotcha. Okay, all right. Uh a Daisy, I think we I think we're at the end of this great chat. We just ran through. You gave me a lot of stuff that think about to digest. I'm gonna listen to this couple of times, kind of digest a lot of the stuff you talked about. I love the storytelling piece of it. What you say would be your biggest takeaway from this conversation?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:50

Oh my god, this is fun because I remember when you're like, oh, we're gonna get to. I was like, Oh my goodness, what am I gonna talk about again? But it was just just letting the mind lose. Yes, unsupervised, unsupervised, okay. I think that is fun, okay. That is so much fun because sometimes I feel this is how I live my life now. Is well, I've always lived my life that way. I had to curtail myself in corporate America, but you can you can take life too seriously, you can't take yourself too seriously. Whatever you're doing infuse fun in it, and I think, am I done supervised? That's that's fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:27

That's fun. It's been a great chat, my friend, and I'll let you know when this thing hits because I know it's gonna be a hit because you were.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

I know, I'm excited. I was like, why are we laughing so much? Okay, this is cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:42

For those that are that have been following my journey and now they're gonna be following your journey. Um, any message to them that you wanna you want to leave?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:49

I think I just said it right now with what I said about Buzzabas and John, because I I I'm a speaker and I speak that do my TEDx talk and all of that. But I remember going through a program, and this lady said something about living your life in full self-expression. And I was like, thank you! That is if you know what I'm I'm doing this program just because he said that. But don't overthink it. What it just means is if there's anything that you want to do, just do it. Don't wait till tomorrow. Don't wait until the kids are grown. And I'm saying this because I went through all of that. Like, my kids are young, I don't have time, my parents are sick, I don't have time. No, if you wanted to go to France, and okay, you have to take vacation and all of that stuff, and you know, have a babysitter to go to France, why don't you go to a French bakery and live like you were in France? There's some there's some bakeries that are so good that once you walk in, it's almost like little France, little Italy, little Spain, you know like what kind of stuff. So find ways to really live your life with full self expression, um, and and just just do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:53

All right, lady. It's been a pleasure, folks. Make it an utterly, utterly fantastic day.